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08 January 2014

07 January 2014

Physical: Fair. Not so tired as usual. More energy. Got pretty irritable by 6:30 toay because I didn't think to take something to eat in car with me on the way to Ann ARbor and didn't have time to stop to get something or eat.
So by the time I got home I was hungry and pissed cause it's so fucking cold today, tire pressure low, had to put air in two time. fingers were frozen. Didn't have my pressure guage to check tires the first time. On way home checked them after I bought tire guage. I had put the air in the wrong tires. --just eyeballed them this a.m. But I was freezing doing it. I got home and someone parked in the clean shovelled space that I padi to have shovelled and cleaned. Lazy little mother fuckers. They know they didn't sovell it but they take it anyway. Agghhhhhhhh!!!!
Nutrition. Still under on calories and vegetable carbs. Need to step up the vegetable intake big time.
Emotional: Feeling better. Angry at snow, parking space robbers, confused and a bit miffed at Cristina--came in but didn't do anything on the desk that had to be done. That means she made one or two phone calls. I'm not feeling good about the office organization and follow through. There was a missed notice today. My client didn't know about a motion tomorrow. This has to stop. Cristina has to follow through with things. I need to talk with her but am dreading it because she has been so good, but just not dependable.
This is a difficult conversation but I can't have her doing things half assed

06 January 2014

Physical:
Tired, Lethargic. Came back from court and took a nap from 1 to 2:30. Felt better when I woke up. I thought it was me but I only slept from about 2:00 to 7:15. That might explain it. No cravings. Not too hungry. Was hungry when I got back from court.
Nutrition: NO problem with staying on diet today. should have eatne more veggies.
emotional: struggling with working. Don't want to. Feeling overwhelmed again with billings, work and what to do first. Seems like I want to do it all at once. I think getting so tired makes me worry about getting shit done within the time that I am not tired and sluggish. But I did do some work. Trying to make myself do a little bit of something. Didn't get into a complete slump though. I felt like not doing anymore work at all but I talked to two clients, did my time entries, did the one case in the morning and reviewed some bills and talked to a client about amount owed so far. Should get a good payment. I guess that I am feeling depressed really becaue I feel like all I have is work, eating and nothing else. I worry when I take time off. I would like to take a vacation, but I have to save up money to do it. I need to do some more work on tapping to be happy. I am pretty content I think but I just am not doing anything really fun that I like to do.

05 January 2014

Nutritional remarks: I want to try to keep my vegetables boosted up by eating them in the morning too.
Physical remarks: Today, still feeling heavy. Eyes still groggy. blurry vision waking up. When I chew it sounds really loud. Seems like I can only hear chewing. Ears feel stuffed up. Stomach is soooo much better. took all my pills, but out of D-3. Here's the meds that I take. Losarton (BP) Hydrochlorothiazide (water pill); Levothyroxin; Stool softener--have to take if I take vitamins with Iron; Alive womens multiple vitamin with Iron; Ceterizine (allergies); Acidipholus.
emotional remarks: Feeling kind of lackluster today. Didn't do tapping last night. stressed about money still. Felt good cooking breakfast this morning. Only took about 1/2 hour to make waffles, eggs and sausage for Eduardo. Felt good because I have prepared stuff ahead (ie: pore-mixed whole grain waffle mix for Eduardo), my flax waffles were already cooked and in frig. Not feeling angry or resentful about having to get up and cook instead of laying around. I'm struggling with wanting to go back to sleep but I know that makes for a long boring day. Not happy about thought of having to go out tomorrow for court if we get the snow that is predicted. Would rather just wake up early and do work at home on files, drafting stuff, writing motions etc. I'm going back and forth with myself on cleaning vs. playing. Same issues my whole life... to clean or to play, that is the question! Problem is that I never really give myself permission to play and feel good about it. I always think that there is something else that I should be doing instead and so that always adds some level of tension. I'm kind of managing it better by doing a little work, then playing a little. LIke today I have to clean Sarita's messes. They aren't horrendous, but they are very noticeable. So need to clean liter, and all of her misses in various places in the house. I always feel good after I do it but it is a pretty physically demanding task and I bauk at it. I think that I will play for a little, then clean up for a little (it's usually no more than a 1/2 hour to hour) then make dinner and do dishes. Then play some more.

05 January 2014

Weigh-in: 320.0 lb lost so far: 0 lb still to go: 190.0 lb Diet followed poorly
   add comment gaining 0.2 lb a week

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