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20 September 2016

Hey FS.

How’s trix? I had an apt. with my Bariatric Dr. today. Interesting visit. They weighed me officially today. (yesterday didn’t count for them). I came in at 386.7 just from yesterday. Hmmm, did I forget to take my jacket off yesterday when they weighed me, maybe? Oh well. Trying to decide if I should enter it up here or just wait until next Monday which is my usual weigh in day. Only things I did between today and yesterday evening was drink a little more water and exercise. Guess that was enough to make a little difference.

I am also trying to decide if I want to extend my time in the weight loss program before going back to bariatric track. I’m in week five of the 12 week program now. Yesterday, , I didn’t feel as if I were ready to go off the program in 7 weeks. I had transition class and that made me think about it more. It’s the whole therapy thing and what’s going to be coming up and I really don’t have coping mechanisms in place yet to replace overeating. Sad to say, but true. All my old ones are gone. This is good, I think…no, it’s good. They weren’t that great for coping mechanisms anyway. but I was kind of relying on the two supplements I use a day to get me past the times when I want to just binge like crazy. I could just get into the kitchen grab one and get out before things got ugly. I’d lock myself in the bedroom and bury myself in a good fiction book. Hey, that’s a coping strategy…right? Buthe replacements make sure I get some nutrition and am not hungry and tempted to leave that bedroom until things get better. Plus, one of them is really a good comfort food substitute…the chicken soup. Warm and soothing…and good if you put the right veggies in it and blend it well.

But I wanted to know what my Dr. thought. He surprised me…happily. He agreed with me telling me not to rush to surgery if I didn’t feel ready. He wanted to know why of course and I kinda got it out as much as possible. My sister got a chance to see my “white coat” syndrome in action. She commented on how easy it was for me to talk to the nurse, Rose, but how I stumbled and babbled when it came to talking to the Dr. and it’s nothing personal cause he’s a pretty cool Dr. very personable and funny too. I can tell he is concerned and cares what’s going on with me. I’ve experienced the other so…but he’s on board so now it’s just up to me. Tomorrow. I’ll decide within the next two weeks or so. The clinic needs to know ASAP. Today, I don’t feel as if I need to extend. But as I said…tomorrow. Therapist apt.

I am back on track from my stumble of last week, though. Need to thank my buddies up here for the encouragement. You guys are angels. Thank you, again. So, I’m back to jurnaling properly and back to working my exchange program and counting those calories…carbs…protein…fat grams…all that.

I’m not even freaking out about my kitty anymore. He went to the liter box last night. Here’s hoping he keeps it up. He has an apt. with his Dr. on Thursday and I’m gonna get some Feliway which I’ve been assured, really works well at calming them down. I just kinda hope it works on me too.

Okay. Thanks for reading, you all. I’m off to plan tomorrow and read up on what’s going on with y’all. Blessings.

20 September 2016

Weigh-in: 386.7 lb lost so far: 10.7 lb still to go: 36.7 lb Diet followed poorly
   (2 comments) losing 7.7 lb a week

19 September 2016

Weigh-in: 387.8 lb lost so far: 9.6 lb still to go: 37.8 lb Diet followed poorly
   (4 comments) gaining 0.8 lb a week

14 September 2016

(heavy sigh) Okay. I’m going to have to except for right now anyway that Wednesdays are gonna be hard for me. I have a standing apt. with Dr. M. and for the past two weeks (just when I think I’m okay) I’ve gone off the deep end once I leave her office. …and we haven’t even begun the work yet. She’s still taking my history. I didn’t expect to be so raw all the time. I guess I’ve been suppressing for so long and finally..how does the song go…I’m finally ready to break the shell. India Airy…it’s a pretty song…something like…

”Child, it’s time to break the shell. Life’s gonna hurt but it’s meant to be felt. You cannot touch the sky from inside yourself. You cannot fly until you break the shell…”

Okay, I’m babbling. Let’s get it together, Paula.

So, after my apt. I wasn’t as strong today as I was last week (tongue in cheek). We went to subway last week and I was able to get exactly what I planned to get and no more even though I really wanted to just dive into that menu and …well…you know. I got home. I ate and then began to fall apart for the next three days screwing up my meal plan all “Willy Nilly”.

This week, I didn’t plan for a fall apart. It started with the candy from the dollar store where I went to get a simple soap dish and moved on to completely ditching my eating plan (I didn’t have the energy to even cook the things I had planned) and just going straight for the comfort food that was available to me, mushroom soup…canned mushroom soup. Ate the whole can and the crackers and the ham…complete disaster ending in a crying fit and then falling asleep in front of the tv trying to make myself laugh. All the memories are coming up again and this time I can’t block them anymore. All the mechanisms I had in place are gone. Guess it comes from being in a good place for so long now. I can’t fall apart again for three days. Eventually its gonna catch up to me and the weight won’t move. I went way over my calories today. I’m praying…

I’m looking at notes I took in one of my classes I think last week’s actually. Problem identification and solutions or something like that. I need to identify the problem and then set up a plan of solutions.

Okay, so PROBLEM: “emotional” Wednesdays and losing cohesion and control and wanting to curl into a ball and just cry after sessions seems to be the problem..wanting to comfort myself in those old ways I used to do with food.

SOLUTIONS:
a. Plan the fall apart day. Usually the first part of the day goes well so plan my menu around the fall apart time which is mid afternoon to evening so far. This has two meal times in it. Save most of the calories and selections for around that time.
b. Make a list of easy comfort foods and find recipes that will fit into my meal plan. Make and store these dishes ahead of time so I can just go to them and not have to cook or anything. Do not buy processed versions of these foods.
c. Find some other recipes that fit into my meal plan of appropriate foods and try to make them my new comfort foods. Ilove cottage cheese, I could have eaten that instead of the soup. That might have worked.
d. Go ahead and cry. Maybe do that first before eating and perhaps I won’t eat as much?
e. Call somebody? God, I hate dumping on people though. I’ve never been a fan of this one. Here I am having a lousy day and they might have been having a good day and then I call…and then there’s times when no one I trust is available. Ugh!
f. Maybe write it out like I’m doing now except don’t wait till it’s over to do it but as soon as it starts. Probably will turn out to be even more scatter brained than this entry. Lol!
Well, here’s some place to start anyway.

Praying for peace and love. Take care everyone.

12 September 2016

Oh Joy! today's weigh in went well. i dropped four more pounds. i didn't expect it since last week's was six pounds. but, hey, i'll take it. i had a few tricky days last week so i figured that would contribute to a smaller loss. But i'm happy. i did increase the intensity of my workout and the number of days. Let's see what happens at the end of week four of the challenge after i work out every day.

My vitals were good too. i usually get "white coat' syndrome when i'm at any Dr's office. I think it comes from years of seeing doctor's and going through all the pain of 38 or so surgeries. Just not great Dr experiences all around.

i still need to work on my chewing to applesauce consistency and I haven't worked up to a meal taking me 20 mins. to eat. My best time so far is 15 mins for a main meal and five or so for a replacement shake or bar.

The walking regimen was great this morning. I added some distance. not sure how much cause my pedometer is dead. got to work on getting another one. Need to find out where brooke got the talking one. it was simple but effective.

so, all and all it was a good day. Onward and downward! (smile)
Weigh-in: 387.0 lb lost so far: 10.4 lb still to go: 37.0 lb Diet followed reasonably well
   (10 comments) losing 5.6 lb a week

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