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Been a few difficult weeks here in Upper Michigan. My financial situation has changed dramatically for the worst, so I’m refinancing everything. Meanwhile, I’m trying trying to prioritize the highest quality of food I can possibly afford. Salads, chicken breast, pork loin, veggies and vegetarian meatless options. I’m not “binging “ and my waistline shows. I’m up 5” in my waist from my lowest weight in August. But, I’m certain I can cut down again come summer.
I made some really good friends here on FatSecret and it’s always a comfort zone for me to go get support. I have decided to make it through this major life change without having a meltdown, without abusing food or drink, and without becoming bitter and angry at the world. Even though I am broker than a joke and I’m not doing my usual shopping for fun, I’ve found some kind of alternative to it: beer in my garage while I build a big fire in my woodstove. Sometimes I listen to music. Sometimes I take out the hatchet and chop up old furniture. Sometimes I smoke cigarettes (🤫) like a gangster and swear at the badass in the mirror, imagining what I would say to him if he was here. Sometimes a handsome man comes to my garage and brings me gifts of pickled pike. The dog has a “manger” out there, and the new man of the house (my 5 year old) loves tinkering with the odd assortment of tools. I’ve never had a garage before, so I’m really getting into it.
The handsome man who brings me fish, is a welder for the shipyard. We’ve been eating together a lot. I’m so grateful for his friendship. And, for his fish. I’m going to be fly fishing for the first time in a decade this spring. I’m also going to rebuild my fathers fly tying bench and get back into it. Word got out at the yard that this fisherman has been seen brushing the snow off my truck in the parking lot. So, he’s made it abundantly clear that he intends on courting me. The whole yard knows. 🤦🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️ Well, his attention and upbeat positive nature is a welcome sunny spot in this dreary winter. So, regardless of how uncouth it may be, being so newly separated, I gladly accepted his advances and now have myself a handsome fisherman boyfriend. And, I’m having a great time.
I know many divorcing people have a long period of time when they swear off love, swear off trust and even marriage. I’ve been warned not to jump right back into something. Yes, I hear you. No, I don’t want to listen. Yes, I’m definitely jumping in with both feet. Yes, it is soon. No, I don’t need more time to reflect on how miserable I was. No, I don’t want to wait until my divorce is legally done.
I’ve changed the entire karma of this house, and my friends say that my aura has changed too. I throw my head back and laugh! I pamper myself and my kids with luxurious bath tub stuff and essential oils every day. We watch movies and talk during them. We play noisily in the middle of the floor. We run inside the house. We are not living in fear of a next outburst or walking on eggshells. And I have found myself eating when I’m hungry, not when I’m upset.
So, 170 pounds. I think I was down to 160 this summer, perhaps even 155. That scale was wonky, but still. I’ve got some butt, hips, thighs and midriff muscle now. The gangway is easily 30 feet high on to the ship, and then I’m climbing all day inside. I’m not lacking for physical exercise. Work is still deeply satisfying. I’m learning new things everyday. I’m bringing myself to look at this new life I’ve built, and you know what? It’s absolutely wonderful.
Thank you for listening and remember: be KIND TO YOURSELF TODAY ❤️🥰😍😘
Diet Calendar Entry for 26 January 2019:
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2648 kcal
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Fat: 168.74g | Prot: 140.12g | Carb: 153.00g.
Breakfast: Trader Joe's Organic Firm Tofu, Toasted Raisin Bread, Whole Milk. Dinner: Applebee's Triple Bacon Burger, Southern Home Shredded Mild Cheddar Natural Cheese, Private Selection Honey Dijon Dressing, Green Leaf Lettuce , Sunny Select Classic Caesar Croutons. Snacks/Other: Applebee's Spinach & Artichoke Dip. more...
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