sugarfreeaf's Journal, 22 October 2018

I love food. And, I’m an emotional eater. Bad combo. 

Food has never told me I’m not enough. Or that I’m doing this or that wrong. I love food. But I also am afraid of failure so I never stick to a diet for long. 

I'm a stress eater. I've struggled with weight all my life. Mostly anything sweet but especially chocolate and ice cream. Had depression also but I got out of a bad marriage so I've been able to keep my weight under control. I remarried and they are so different like light night and day . I am so blessed to have finally found my soul mate . 😊 I also can relate to especially grandma always wanting you to have seconds or thirds lol  

I like to cook. Really like to cook. Unfortunately, the things that taste good to me tend to be loaded with butter and salt. I like all the mother sauces. I can bake and really enjoy a pretty decent loaf of bread. I like steaks crisped up in a pan with a big hunk of butter. I like chicken, rolled in panko and pan fried in olive oil then topped with homemade marinara and tons of fresh mozzarella cheese. I like pork loin, pan fried in olive oil then topped with a mushroom Parmesan cream sauce... like real cream. I like homemade blue cheese dressing made from fresh mayonnaise and cream. And I like to make all of those things. I'm doing well with my diet by cutting back on portions and using Pam, the oven or broiler, and light butter where I can. So far it's working. I hope my success continues as I have a very long road ahead of me. 

My childhood for sure. I was abused by a family member as a child. I think as a result I've always abused myself with food. I've learned that food is not my problem, food is a symptom of the bigger problem.  

Mine stem from a crazy emphasis on my looks by my family. If I am not thin, I feel that I am not worth anything. Also, my parents never encouraged exercise. I was supposed to be home and be 'good' all the time. So, I learnt to starve myself. With starving myself came binging and then promising to starve myself again, then binging again, and the cycle just never stopped. 

What a good question! I have no lack of motivation to get healthy or education, but I just really really like food. Analysing my behaviour for the past few weeks, I eat junk when I'm bored, or tired, or unhappy, and also out of habit. So I'm trying to aviod those situations. 

I no longer blame my food challenges on anything or anyone. Yes, my parents grew up during the depression, so Mom would say the standard, clean your plate. l once told her to send the remaining food on my plate to those starving kids, cause I wasn't eating it. Bad move on my part! I have moved past all the old reasons for overeating. I believe food addiction is like every other addiction. You must take control one day or even one meal at a time. There is a balance that must be achieved and maintained.  

I can't really blame my folks. Lots of exercise and good food. I became overweight with some really bad food decisions when I got pregnant -- I was toxic with high blood pressure at 20 ys old. Total bed rest for 6 months. Gained over 70 pounds and then didn't know how to lose it. Kept adding more weight. Truly lots was around portion sizes. I didn't know what a portion was and I was afraid of being hungry. The actual food I ate was healthy but it was just plain too much of it. Finally when I was 40 I lost most of it. Then there was some creeping up over time but not much maybe 10 pounds or so. Then I got breast cancer and was told I had to eat high fat, high protein. I did. I exercised as best I could and I did something every day but chemo just takes you down. When all was said and done I had gained 70-80 pounds. Lost it again. Maintained for awhile and then major family problems happened and I just chose not to worry about weight. Emotional eating and gained back the 80 pounds and added 10 more. Family is relatively all good now and I am on the journey yet again. 

It’s was mostly emotional eating. But now that I follow a Keto regiment I don’t seem as emotionally charged. With my blood sugar remaining stable I am not as hungry and can get by on much less. 

I just plain love food! 

I was thin until my knees went bad and menopause hit at the same time. I put on 30 + lbs over the next 2 years, and while I could lose some of it, I could never maintain the weight loss. Finally after more than 10 years, I got serious and lost / maintained the loss for a year.  

Mine was all emotional, food was comfort, food was there for me, food made me feel good. I was along, a kid who didnt understand why things were happening and food was where I turned.  

Lots of processed foods when I was younger... unclear portion & calorie control 

Chronic dieting, since I was a young child and my mother put me on my first restrictive diet at 8 years old. I got fatter with every diet and learned not to trust my own body and appetite. I was on a diet or on a binge. It was a long journey back, but today I trust my self, trust and care for my body like the temple to my spirit and best friend it is and avoid diets. 

Cheap processed bad foods. Taught the wrong things about nutrition and at times living in poverty. Learned to hide and horde food. Over eat when it was available. Binge eating was learned at a young age. 

I was told to clean my plate off as well 

I was never into sports 

My mom cooks delicious home made meals with extra oil and lard 🤤 

I thought that feeling full and having to feel like you need to unbutton ur pants was normal