kingkeld's Journal, 07 May 2012

Happy Monday, my friends!

It's been a wild ride weekend, going to my brother's 50th birthday party, along with the confirmation of my nephew.

It was a great party, lots of fun, my brother's band playing live, speeches and everything else. The only real downside for me was... the food.

They had basically set up a hot dog and burger stand, and you'd get what you wanted. Sadly, there were NO good food choices. I basically gave up and gave in.

I had skipped breakfast almost entirely to save calories, but the end result was me overly hungry when it was time to eat, which wasn't until around 2pm. So I just ate.

I think it ended up being about a normal indulgence day worth of calories. I had no Internet connection on my phone so I wasn't able to log my food. I probably wouldn't have done it anyways. It just became the excuse.

The end result is that I weigh more than 83 kgs today. I hate myself for losing it yesterday, but there's no use in beating myself over the head about it. Instead, I'm writing this while spending a full hour on my bike, burning calories. I need to do this, I need to be at the right weight for my comfort. No excuses.

That's gonna be my approach for this coming week. Back to basics. Stay within RDI. FOCUS on that. Exercise every day. No excuses. If I'm too tired to exercise, then at least try for 30 minutes instead of the hour. I can do this.

I wonder why it gets so difficult for us sometimes?

Yesterday, going home from the party, I felt sick. I could tell that I didn't drink my water - another reason for today's gain -and my stomach was hurting bad. I kept telling myself what an idiot i wasnfor eating wrong, but that was the food choices I had. I just need to remember that feeling late at night with belly cramps, heart racing and general misery, to avoid this happening again.

I can't help thinking about what drives me to eat like that. I mean, I know it's against what I'm working for. It's against my general well-being, it's directly against my goal. I want my goal. I feel that I'm ready for my surgery. I feel that I'm ready for everything.

Maybe it's simply a subconscious attempt to keep losing weight? I'm a weight loss rock star (not my words), but I'm not a maintenance rock star. So, since I'm not acing the maintenance, am I simply subconsciously keeping myself in weight loss mode, or is it something else?

I've had the weight loss part of life taking up so much room for so long, that it's hard to relate to NOT having to lose weight. Then what? What do I put in the void instead?

It's a question a lot trickier than it sounds. It's one I need to answer, I think...

There's nothing like a little Monday morning psychology, huh? :-)

So, what I'm gonna do is this:

Completely avoiding snacks last week was hell. I think this wasn't a solution for me, and I think it was also a reason that I failed yesterday. I wasncraving bad stuff like crazy. This week I'll do something else. Better snacks. Fruits. Small portioned snacks. No chocolates. No candies. Stay within RDI atmall costs. Just do it, no excuses. I can do this.

I gotta say it feels good to be on the bike this morning. I was ignoring the bike all of last week. I had my leg hurting a little and it became an excuse. No more. Exercising while journaling really is nice for me, time just zooms by. I like it a lot. I'm here listening to music, biking, writing, drinking coffee, saying comforting words to Kitty, who I can hear purring as she's lying in the recliner next to me. What is there to NOT like about this?

I'm not sure if it's because I didn't ride the bike for a week, if it's because of yesterday's food, or if it's simply because my living room is warmer, but I feel like I'm sweating out toxins like crazy. I can tell I'm getting more thirsty than I normally do, and my back is soaking wet. I think it's a good thing, and it feels great.

If exercise feels this awesome, then why is it sometimes so hard to convince myself to doing it? I ask myself this question every time I get on here, yet I'll still try to argue my way out of it. I try to memorize the great feeling during and after exercise, to motivate me. But fact is that I mostly exercise because I have to. Sure, it's easier today than it was a year or two ago. But it's still something I need to talk myself into. And then, when I'm doing it, I like it. So why not simply do it? I'm sure I'm not the only one having this fight?


Today is gonna be a good day at work, I think. I have a meeting and an interview, and administrative work the rest of the day. I have plenty to work on, things to meet a few deadlines. Tomorrow I'm off from work, taking wife to a checkup at the doctor's. Nothing serious, standard stuff. It means the day off though and that's always nice. It will, however, NOT mean no exercise, no journal or that it's Indulgence Day. I'll have none of that. I will treat it as a regular Tuesday, except I won't be at work. I'll work out in the morning before we leave. I'll stay within RDI, and I'll ensure to write a proper journal. I have to. No excuses!

Tonight, it's cozy time at home. We're gonna watch the Rock And Roll Hall Of Fame induction ceremony that was on TV yesterday. It's a tradition at the Kingkeld Mansion. I'm so looking forward to it. No snacks will be involved. If anything, maybe a banana or a smoothie. Something fulfilling and calories wise sane. No excuses.

Speaking of home entertainment, we saw The Woman In Black this weekend. I highly recommend it to those of you who like the classic 70s style ghost movies. Best one out in a LONG time. We really liked it. Scared the he'll out of Wife. Then again, so did Ratatouille. :-)

Wife is a blast to watch movies with. She gets so into then. Laughing loud. Screaming. Yelling at the screen. No wonder I love her.

Anyways, my hour on the bike is up in a few minutes, and I'm babbling again. I think I need to put down tabby, get off the bike, take a shower and get going to work.

I'm betting on today being an awesome day, doing good and doing right.

I'm making "NO EXCUSES" my new mantra.

Have a great day. Make it a great one both for yourself and others. Life is good.
183.4 lb Lost so far: 158.3 lb.    Still to go: 0 lb.    Diet followed poorly.

Diet Calendar Entries for 07 May 2012:
1743 kcal Fat: 47.15g | Prot: 133.37g | Carb: 212.44g.   Breakfast: Egg, Sliced Ham (Extra Lean), Rye Bread (Reduced Calorie). Lunch: pita bread, chicken, lettuce. Dinner: Lettuce, Chicken (Skin Not Eaten), Pita Bread. Snacks/Other: Bananas, hard candy sugar free, Strawberries, Jell-O Sugar Free Low Calorie Gelatin Snacks - Orange/Lemon-Lime, Rye Bread (Reduced Calorie), Makrelfilet i tomatsauce. more...
3359 kcal Activities & Exercise: Bicycling (slow) - 11/mph - 1 hour, Standing - 5 hours and 30 minutes, Walking (moderate) - 3/mph - 30 minutes, Sleeping - 8 hours, Sitting - 9 hours. more...
on diet kingkeld's own diet   gaining 27.0 lb a week


Whew, all weekend with no journaling really bottles you up! Constipation of the journal.... Yeah, not eating before a big outing like that is a bad plan, and I have done it several times too. I had a similar weekend with bad choices, booze, and parties. Honestly, sometimes you just have to go with the flow and not beat yourself up. Our social life is not the greatest, we are not in a place where we can really be picky and choosy about what we do socially. I am sure your brother does not turn 50 very often, so you will be fine for a while. :-P  
07 May 12 by member: posterchild66
i call it an addiction. Even if you are the right weight, and worked sooo wel to get there, you still have to think about it every day, every hour, sometimes even every minute. If you do not have to think about it, you are dreaming about it... Losing weight is actually not dealing with the addiction, but with the symptoms ... Like an alcoholic we are doomed to do this, and since "cold turkey" is not an option, since you need food to survive, we are basically set up prone to failure... I haven't lost any weight the last month, and i have been thinking about this problem a lot, in my eyes you are truly no longer an addict when you pass that hamburger stand, and grin about the times you used to fret about it, and then just munch one away. Not two, because normal non-addicted people just want one and don't have to think about the choice of having another or not. And when they don't have another they won't have to think about that all evening... am i summing up your feelings a bit? I'm right there with you, fellow addict. maintenance is not something i can think about yet since i cannot even reach my half-way point, but it am guessing as long as im an addict it is just a matter of consuming a certain amount of calories a day. and that means basically dieting for the rest of your life... anyway, facing that horrible truth, quitting is not an option! if you fail, you HAVE to start again tomorrow, or even better, the next hour! if you find a better way, a way that truly heals us from the addiction it'selve, i love to hear it.  
07 May 12 by member: puhpine
I like what your saying Puhpine! Your absolutely right, and yes it will get easier, but it is not something we can say we "fixed" or are "finished" with. They say and alcoholic without booze is still a drunk. Maybe we are all destined to be skinny fatties, hehe (if we are lucky).  
07 May 12 by member: posterchild66
So sorry to read about your turmoil...... This junk food thing, really does seem to be an addiction thing with you. I know we have mentioned this before - but have you thought any more about the NLP (neuro linguistic programming) process. I mentioned 'Paul McKenna' who has produce various books on the subject - one is called "think yourself thin" and carried out on tv lots of sessions to help people loose weight and overcome certain food cravings. If you google 'Paul McKenna weight loss', you will findhis own site and lots of other info. I really do think this is a 'mind' thing, that you DEFINATELY need to conquer - preferably before your op. X 
07 May 12 by member: Sk1nnyfuture
You're lucky to have an animated partner to watch movies with like that. LOL. Sounds like you didnt have much choice when it came to the kind of food and you were hungry. So I guess, for events like that, the only choices are bring something with you (nutrition/protein bars or a sandwich and fruit). Imagine what you would do if you were gluten intolerant or something like that and couldn't eat THAT food. The other thing, on snacking. I imagine it's either the idea of having it be denied to you for so long during your weightloss journey that makes you overindulge or the nature of snacking, having food to chomp on constantly. If it's the latter, maybe you could look for better snacks. If its the former, you might have to find a way to not feel deprived of that particular food ... such as chocolate. 
07 May 12 by member: Helewis
Puhpine - I really appreciate your input, and I can easily see where you're coming from. :) 
07 May 12 by member: kingkeld
Skinny - I got sidetracked on the hypnosis thing. I will get back to checking it out. Thanks for reminding me. :) 
07 May 12 by member: kingkeld
Hey Keld - finding your way thru this maze is not easy. Little did you realize when choosing the 'Indulgence Day' plan that you used sooo successfully - that you were choosing a 'lifestyle'. Can you go back to the 6 days on/ 1 day off method, and find your balance in the numbers??? Your differences will be in the total number of calories on the 6 days (slightly inching up until you stay the same vs losing lbs). But these will still be only the healthy food choices allowed on those 6 days. Indulgence day - should stay the same. In my opinion, you did best when you had the structure of this plan working in your head! (and I do the future..bring your own foods in a small cooler 'just in case' - or ask ahead about the menu.)  
07 May 12 by member: jsfantome
You can do it! Try to keep it in your head that awesome feeling immediately post-workout. That happy tired sweaty feeling. That's the one I'm in love with... it's like truly wearing an accomplishment like a badge of sweaty honor! And I am really intrigued to know which part of Ratatouille scared her... I'll rewatch...  
07 May 12 by member: ZippyDani
I really agree with Helewis about the food choices - take something with you and imagine/tell yourself you CAN'T eat THAT! Remember how it made you feel this time. (I'd have been just a tiny bit p****d off at someone providing only burgers and hotdogs knowing I'd just lost 70-odd kg). I've heard that Paul McKenna gets great results. Another thing you might consider is acupuncture - I believe a good practitioner might be able to help with the sugar cravings. Enjoy your evening :) 
07 May 12 by member: Earthlady
I have those days too - the ones where you know you're going to go enjoy yourself, so you change your morning routine, and then go crazy when it is time to eat. Like yesterday at the baseball game. I think it's a good thing (mostly) that my stomach feels off after these days, it means my body is learning how to be happy with the right behaviors, and angry at me with the bad ones. I just need to learn to remind myself before I engage in the bad ones, how it's going to make me feel. 
07 May 12 by member: sjcoray


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