MightyFull's Journal, 10 January 2017

Complete Rant Below - Read at your own risk or pick a paragraph.

Have you ever noticed we perceive ourselves differently in front of a mirror vs an actual photo of ourselves. I knew I wasn't doing right by myself, yet could justify I didn't look that bad when I looked in the mirror - side view or front view. However, I saw a photo of myself and asked aloud to my hubby (who intelligently gave me the blank stare and kept his mouth shut) "Holy smokes! Am I really that large in the girth???" Seriously not happy with it -- so do something about it, right? Yeah. I measured my pooch belly and just under my boobs and dear goodness -- 47" over the pooch belly (and it's unflattering sagging). Who is this woman and why is she here? Why does she start and fail. Plan, start and fail. Encourage others, plan, start, trip and fail. Why can't the motivation seem to last longer than a meal or a day or 8 days?

I've fallen into the pit of I prefer to sit on my butt, watching my movies, shows, playing jigsaw games on my ipad, and really have laxed on the housework again. Motivation will find itself to me again, only for me to be headed out of town on a business trip for the weekend. Potentially another trip to fall on my face again. I dream alot when I sleep and in my dreams I am always thinner than I am now. It's easier to live with that illusion lately. It's like in reality it's too hard and it seems to take too much effort to get there again. My siblings are in good shape and they are supportive of me trying to regain a figure other than the one I have now. They do not seem to have the same motivation and struggles I do and are both to look at them in good shape. The shape that people take notice and are drawn to.

I believe I am going to change my profile picture to that photo that I just cannot grasp that I have allowed myself to fall into that pit again. I've gotten this big one other time and frankly it was due to I just wasn't happy and I would binge eat when I was alone. Well, guess what? What I've blamed on Emotional Eating really is more binge eating when I am alone and when I am not even remotely hungry. And it is packing on the pounds like crazy.

And the older I get -- the harder it is to come off. And that my friends is just annoying. This ostrich and I have something in common....we prefer to stick our heads in the sand than to face the world.

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1696 kcal

Fat: 59.99g | Prot: 101.66g | Carb: 195.82g.   Breakfast: Blue Diamond Almond Breeze Unsweetened Vanilla Milk, Advocare Spark on The Go, Unsweetened Frozen Strawberries, Advocare Trim Meal Replacement Shake - Vanilla. Lunch: Apples, Onion Rings (Breaded and Fried), Cooked Mushrooms (from Fresh), Publix Red Bell Pepper, American Cheese, Ground Beef (Cooked). Dinner: Chi-Chi's Whole Wheat Tortillas (Fajita Style), Egg Roll in a Bowl. Snacks/Other: Spangler Peppermint Candy Canes, swiss miss classics marshmallow hot chocolate, Kraft Jet-Puffed Miniature Marshmallows, Tap Water (During lunch) , Tap Water (Before lunch) . more...

2997 kcal

Activities & Exercise: Walking dog (.24 miles) - 8 minutes, Walked dog (.46 miles) Beautiful sunny warm day - 45 - 17 minutes, Elliptical - Weight Loss lvl 4 #1 (1.34 miles) - 20 minutes, Sleeping - 9 hours, Resting - 14 hours and 15 minutes. more...