jsfantome's Journal, 21 May 2011

Like you say - it is only food. Why should the eating of it be producing negative thoughts? If there is something else going on figure out what it is. Don't fall into that spiral of self hate, guilt, etc. Learn from the experience and move on! You know you can!!!  

Paula, stop beating your self up. This is not a be all situation. So you had a few cookies. Big deal. You haven't failed unless you eat the whole batch.. Look in the mirror and say to your self, I have been a rock with my weight loss. I have come a long way and todays little hic up will not destroy what I have already accomplished.. And SMILE cause your human....Sending {{{{{Hugs}}} cause I think you need one.. Have a terrific day my dear friend.........Bren 

Paula, you are in the same place as me, and I don't understand why after all this time 'guilt' is still a factor in my life especially around food. Adults shouldn't have to feel like they 'cheat' when they eat something that's not on plan. Heck, this is life and life is for living and it was only cookies. Not like you had an affair! Let me know what you figure out 'cause I sure haven't come up with anything. But I loathe this guilt - its a vicious self promoting cycle. Hope the yard sale goes well. 

Issy - that's exactly what I thought! I am a grown a** woman - with incredible discipline and strength - and I stood there like a child trying to 'get away with something.' I would feel better about myself if I had just 'decided' to eat the darn things because I wanted to. But they became the 'forbidden' or the 'off limits' to me somehow... and it was in the 'secretive' way in which I didn't want anyone to discover me - it is just appalling to me. Seriously. It's not the cookies. It's the behavior. It's the out of control thought process - the whole thing is rather repulsive to me. Embarrassing. And it makes me feel weak. Something I know I am not. But then can't explain why I did it. I am in a much better place this morning - but really wanted to get this out there to talk about, because surely I knew I couldn't be the only one who ever experienced something like this.  

Buffy - aiming to learn all I can :) and thank you for your support!!! 

Bren, totally enjoying the hug! Surely did need one :) 

Only 3? Good job shutting it down there! First of all I have to say I know that for me personally I am NOT ready to bake "real" cookies yet. I have done low carb treats, etc. I would have been right there with you, sneaking an eat (probably not stopping at 3), and writing the same type journal entry. Certain things I know I can NOT be trusted with, yet - if ever, & choc chip cookies are right up there on the list. So, kudos to you for doing what you are for the yard sale to benefit the mission trip! That being said, old habits or behavious, if that's what they were, (so true for me) are so sneaky! I so agree, please do your best to get over it & move on, please don't wallow in it because you are strong enough emotionally & spiritually to get past this & learn from it. To grow stronger from it by learning of yourself something new.  

Paula, glad that you are feeling better today. I know what you mean about that feeling. Why do we feel like that about food? Is is because we need to feel in control so much that even a thing as small as 3 cookies can send us reeling? Perhaps what we need to work on is our guilt issues, as much as our eating issues....after all, just like being happy, no one can make us feel guilty but ourselves, right? So forgive yourself, and the next time you want a cookie, eat it out in the open, in front of everyone, and perhaps you'll stop at one. Hugs and know that you are definately not alone in this scenario....we have all done it, I have done it, and there isn't anyone around to even see me eat the darned "forbidden" food! LOL Have a great weekend!  

Stef - I know you're on to something - because as soon as I read "eat it out in the open" - all my guilt rose up to the surface. My husband and my kids have been SO INCREDIBLY supportive - but I feel like I would be letting them down or something - if they walked in and saw me eating it. I've allowed it to become this unnecessary pressure on me to be 'true' to my way of eating. But I really need to be 'true' to my way of being me! And I will surely one day - not this day, and not likely any day soon, but surely will one day have another choc chip cookie! So to be true to WHO I AM, to meet my own needs for an occasional treat, or to make myself feel good w/ food once in a while,... this will take a little work - good thing I'm in this for a lifetime, huh? But I do think this has a lot to do with it. I need to stop this - not that I won't continue w/ my WOE, of course I will, but I need to tell my husband and family how this pressure is making me feel, and behave. It was so childish. And so unnecessary. ( I remember telling my husband just two weeks ago after the Mother's Day splurge w/ the ice cream treat...that this would only be an aprox once a month kind of thing...and inside I must have been afraid and hiding it from going back on my word.) Thing is - he loves me so darn much, he could really not care less if I eat it or don't. If I weigh 200 lbs or not. I know how proud he is of me. And I just didn't want to 'taint' that with him being concerned that now I would start sneaking in treats toooo frequently - and start gaining again. Does that make sense? - Update on the Yard Sale / Car Wash... it was going GREAT - and I need to go back to pick up hubby and son... so I will be back later. The Lemon Cupcakes were the biggest hit!!! At $1.00 / cupcake we raked in almost $100 in cupcakes alone!! :) Plus the cookies and Red Velvets sold too, but not all were gone when I left. Be back later... 

I wouldn't have been able to stop at 3 either! That is why I don't bake cookies anymore. I can't even trust myself to keep my fingers out of the cookie dough :-( You are a strong woman Paula and I realize you feel down about how you ate the cookies, but admitting it to yourself and to us is a step in winning the battle. Good for you! I just hope I can be as strong with temptation so close.