befree's Journal, 01 September 2008

Better to come here and go on and on. You're 2 pounds up according to that nice scale you have there and you can keep that curve moving down. It is time to come back to the school and swim, little fishy. You did a great job with the biggest loser, and you can quit the drive through. Happy to listen. I was happy to see you journal today.  

I can sure feel your desperation and I understand it completely. I used to be so puzzled as to why I wanted to lose weight so desperately but yet I couldn't stop stuffing my face with such horrible and unhealthy foods. I was dealing with some major stress issues after going through a painful divorce, getting a promotion to a traveling job, remarrying, building a house, having my thyroid removed and then levels out of whack, etc. I buried my emotions in comfort food. After I read the SBD book, I thought there may be hope if I could just do phase one for a few days to get rid of the cravings and it worked. Once I followed the diet 100%, I had the will power to say no to all the bad stuff because the cravings disappeared. Clear your house of ALL the junk. You nor your son need any of it. Sit down and go through the book again and make yourself a list of groceries and go get only those allowed foods. He can eat what you eat! Let him know how important he is to you and how important you are to him and that you both have to get healthy for each other. Make it a team effort and get creative with your meals together. Give yourself a week on phase one and you will be right back on track to being a success. Stop beating yourself up, stand tall and be positive that you CAN do this. I'm rooting for you and we will be here to lend support. Oh yeah, find a challenge to join. Those helped me so much! 

You have had a setback! BUT... you can do this! We are here for you! You have gotten some GREAT advice from KellyBo & Fraise, follow it! Let's pull up our boot straps together. I just sent a note to a friend telling her how much I am craving FOOD. I have been good the last few days & am really trying but is is tough! I so want ot make myself but especially my son proud! Come on girl let's do it!!! BTW, my son is 34 yrs old but I still want to make him proud!!! If you lose the weight think of the years you will add to your life with your child. The things you can do with your child! WOW. That is a good incentive! I'm here to help if you need it! Cheers to you! 

I cannot top all the good advice given above. I can only say we are here for you. Unlike many of your friends we all know where you were, where you are and where you will be. We will cheer you on through the ups and downs. I had more exercise today than I have in a long time today but I also ate way too much and now I am reading journals before buckling down and finding a way to enter all that I ate since this morning. I agree if your challenge at work motivated you, then join a challenge here!! I know that this one day I messed will HAVE to be taken care of the rest of the week or I will get booted from my chosen challenge (the lose 10 -30 by Nov. or Bust) Being accountable to people who understand and to yourself is a wonderful thing. 

Girl, you are singing my song! I am you 4 months ago--I mean exactly like you! I had spent myself into debt over a period of several years, but always managed to buy junk food or eat out--even if it meant not paying bills to do it. My house was FILTHY! I mean health-department-ought-to-shut-the-joint-down filthy. My car was FILTHY, inside and out. And I felt completely crazy--stone-cold, basket-weaving, chewing-my-hair-in-a-corner CRAZY! I decided one day that I was tired of feeling out of control and the only thing I could control was what I put in my mouth. I bought the SBD diet book, read it cover to cover and decided to follow it. I didn't believe that I would succeed--I had decided that I was a food addict and that I would probably require therapy to overcome my emotional issues before I could control my eating but I couldn't afford therapy, so I decided to give SBD a whirl. I mean what the heck--if it worked (which it wouldn't) that would be great, and if it didn't then I would be right and that would be great too. I threw out all unapproved food in the house (which I had spent a lot of money on), bought the stuff on the list for Phase 1 (which I couldn't really afford), embarked on the first day and THE MOST REMARKABLE THING HAPPENED...IT WORKED! After about 4 days I all of a sudden felt less crazy. The external situations in my life were still beyond my control--I still had a crappy job, my mom still wasn't speaking to me, my fiance was still drinking too much, I still didn't like the city I live in. But none of these things seemed so insurmountable anymore. It didn't seem like such an impossibility to clean up the pig-sty that was my house. I didn't have an overwhelming compulsion to spend myself out of house and home. And my cravings were non-existent. I had so much success on Phase 1, and felt so clear-headed for the first time in my life, that when it came time to move to Phase 2 I was TERRIFIED. I was so afraid that adding back some carbs--even good ones--would send me into a downward spiral that I would not be able to control. But my body had news for me--after Phase 1 my body was in control of what and how much I ate not my mind. Phase 2 has not been exactly easy. There are some foods that do set off cravings--the dreaded English muffin--but I am now able to put those foods aside and get back on track with relative ease. I don't claim to never cheat, but I am finding that on days that I don't eat well, I physically feel like pure-tee shit! (sorry ladies, but there's no way to put it delicately!) Which has brought me to an enligtening truth--I am not a food addict, I am a food allergic. I truly believe that there are some people for whom fast food/junk food/crap are literally poison. I was not a food addict, but a mad scientist who, like Dr. Jekyll, kept putting into my body substances that were turning me into Mr. Hyde. If I were really as screwed up emotionally as I believed myself to be, there is no way that 4 days of nutritionally sound food could have fixed me. I don't know if it's the preservatives or what, but there is something in there that was literally--and I can't stress this enough--making me sick, physically, emotionally and mentally. After 4 months of SBD I am amazed at how much my outlook on life has changed. Of course there are times when I don't eat properly and of course there are things in my life that make me want to squeeze people's heads 'til they pop off their bodies--but I no longer feel that I am CRAZY. I just know that I'm having a bad day, and that tomorrow will be another day. I am not crazy, and neither are you. My bottom line advice is this (and sorry my post is so long): a) don't hide from Fatsecret again. Even on my crappy days I come here, and feel better because people here are supportive and kind and also not afraid to tell me the truth when I need to hear it. And the opportunity to motivate other people keeps me coming back; and b)just try SBD for Phase 1. Throw out all the junk, buy the good stuff--even if you just eat the stuff on the list you don't have to cook 'cause you can't face the kitchen right now, just try it, with no expectations and no long term goals. I have (had) zero stick-to-it-iveness but approaching SBD with no expectations for success took all of the pressure off of me (I hate feeling pressured) and gave me room to let my detoxing body straighten my mind out for me. Just take it one meal at a time, one day at a time. Don't worry about portions or calories or exercise right now--just one low carb meal at a time, one day at a time and I almost guarantee you that you WILL FEEL BETTER and as a bonus you will lose weigh. I hope to see your journal tomorrow, and I wish that you would send me a message so that I know you saw this. I am worried about you only because I unequivocally KNOW where you are--I'm reliving all the feelings surrounding my old desperation just reading your journal. Good luck to you and stick with us--you will get better! 

I don't know that there is anything I can add to the above advice except to say we are all here for you no matter what kind of support you need and we are so glad you'r back. 

Thank you all so much for the kinds words of support. I hate to share only negativity and shame, however I just need to get it out. Things are a little better today. Anyways, thanks again. I hope to be able to return the support I have received here.