Great job with the loss! I'm so sorry things are so bad at home. It's tough to see a parent making bad choices, knowing there really isn't anything you can do about it. She has to want to change. Just remember, it's only for a couple more months. If it were me, I'd probably find ways to be out of the house most of the time. Hang in there!
09 Jun 10 by member: amryk
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Thank you :) it is really hard she says she wants to change but ive heard that too many times before i've told her than if she wants to know any future grandchildren she has to be clean i wont subject anyone else to this. i think i am going to try and make the gym my sanctury and stay in my room the rest of the time lol :P
09 Jun 10 by member: SelinaMinus60
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Is it possible that she's going through the dreaded "change"? That would make me act like a crazy person!
09 Jun 10 by member: jenju
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I dont think so she still gets her TOM and she's only 47 so it might be too early she's just really erratic all the time. she didnt take me to the doctors this morning but has not left to take on of her friends to their doctor when she saw i was upset by that she got really angry and started shouting about how i should grow up! it doesnt make sense the friend she is taking is a physically abled 45year old and it is not any kind of emergency i dont understand how she doesnt get why im upset! :(
09 Jun 10 by member: SelinaMinus60
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Well congrats on the loss.. as for the rest.. I am sorry.. you are in a terrible position, if I were you (not knowing all of the circumstances) I would try my best to just fly under her radar. that is not a fun way to live.. but if you really need to stay there and you are forced to depend on her.. then that is what you must do... then in the future try to avoid ever having to depend on her whenever possible. My mom is a bit of a flake and that is how I made it through. She would yell and scream and never take responsibility for any of her mistakes.. everything was always my fault. So I always tried to just not be at home and when I was at home I tried to be invisible. And when those two plans did not work out.. I just took my lumps and TRIED not to fight with her.. for one thing it was just useless to try and use common sense with a person who refused to even listen to logic.. and the other thing was even if I was right and could prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that I was right and she would agree that I was right... I would win that battle but lose other "wars" so it was just pointless.. I moved out of her house as soon as I could and she is not allowed to be alone with my kids. One of my friends who i have know for 20 years now commented how hard it must be to have a relationship with my mom after all the terrible things she has said and done. I told her it is all about expectations. I try to never ever depend on her then she can never let me down in that regard.. and once I moved out I laid down very clear rules about behavior and what was acceptable and what is not and what will happen if the rules are not followed. I see her now about once or twice a year (she lives about 23 hours away of straight driving with no stops) and we speak on the phone every other month or so. Would I like a better relationship with my mom.. yes.. do I think it is possible.. no.. so I do the best that I can with what I have.. and that is all any person can do.
09 Jun 10 by member: Ceebee
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Thank you all for your care and concern :) i feel i might have made my mum sound horiffic she is actually a good mum she has brought me up pretty much on her own ive never had to want for anything and i do love her with all my heart its just hard to deal with this 'new' her. ah well suck it up go to the gym and hide is my plan for the next too months :P
09 Jun 10 by member: SelinaMinus60
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You might suggest to your mom to see a doctor - if she has a thyroid condition or other then a simple visit to the doc might help? Especially if she has been fine and is now having problems, it could be medical. Good luck, hang in there.
09 Jun 10 by member: abbadabba
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hey abba no thyroid condition known (also i dont have one yaaay) but yeah no my mum wont go to a doctor she is super against western medicine and therapists and basically anything else that might work instead she has decided to self medicate. looking back i dont think she has ever really been fine i know now that there are things in her past that have messed her up a lot and shes always been quite insecure (anything that could be taken as a criticism is also taken as saying she is a bad parent) i think it has all just come to a head and exploded and she doesnt realise how much it is affecting my sister and i. i try and tell her but she gets upset and sees it as me criticising her and her parenting skills :/
09 Jun 10 by member: SelinaMinus60
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So sorry Selina about all the controversy at home and yet great news on the weight loss front!!! I like Amy's approach in terms of just doing your best to get through this until you can get into a place of your own again. Don't expect her to be your mum. She clearly isn't well and so it is self-defeating to expect too much from her right now. Love her the best you can and help your sister as much as you can. I would sit down with your little sister ... take her for a stroll, talk to her and plan how you and she can make things a bit easier for your mum and keep each other sane. If she won't go to a doctor and their isn't perhaps another family member or close friend who can talk to her you are rather stuck. It is difficult for parents to hear what their children have to say sometimes. Especially when they are not well. Hang in there ... something will give eventually.
10 Jun 10 by member: madaboutmoose
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It is difficult but i saw some hope yesterday we started to sort out our backyard and make it into a nice place to sit as we get so much sun and stuff and she started to open up a bit - she said she didnt really realise it (the madness) coming on and didnt know how to get rid of it. but she is very positive about the garden we have put a big screen up against our fence so that we can have some privacy from a neighbour who is quite literally crazy and really upsets my mum (she recently decided to throw bleach over my mums flowers (she is an avid gardener) and over the washing line (ruining some of my clothes) my mum doesnt retatliate because the neighbour would call the police recently our neighbour on the other side had a huuuge loud annoying party untill 3 am and our crazy neighbour called the police on us! so it has definitely helped in making my mum not wantt to leave the house now that we are sorting it out i am hoping the positive energy will help her begin to heal or at least to re evaluate a bit.
11 Jun 10 by member: SelinaMinus60
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Sounds like you are onto something with the backyard!!! Glad you saw a little hope in a difficult situation. Don't give up on your mom ... she's doing the best she can with what she knows!! I hope you have a good day Selina!!
11 Jun 10 by member: madaboutmoose
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