mollyallen1982's Journal, 10 September 2018

Nooo, I feel wonderful! Keep going girl, you will get there. 😀 

what makes you sad, sometimes that is the more important question.  

When I hit my goal weight (163lbs - my BMI weight), I realized that it was only half of my real 'desire' which was to have the body of an 18 year old (I turn 50 this week). I would not say I was sad, just 'disappointed' that I was not 'happier'. Now I am on that endless 'bulk and cut' to build my body. I AM 'happier' now that the big 'hit my weight goal' thing is over. For me, it is just 'mental BS'. I need to just be grateful that I am alive and well. For me, I need to realize that weight loss is a 'gift' not a 'requirement for my happiness'. I fail at this, but, I try :) 

Yes-I’ve been a healthy weight and I’ve been overweight (like I currently am) following pregnancies. Happiness is sooo much more than just a number in the scale-it’s mindset, capabilities and even partial to the particular moment or season you’re at in life. The best thing I’ve found no matter what we weigh is practicing gratitude daily-meditation is helpful, journaling is or just simply saying a prayer and being grateful for five things in your life each day. 

Once the weight loss happens, sometimes the mind doesn't completely accept it. When i first lost a large amount (getting into the 160's) I still thought of myself as fat and would pccassionaly drift bback into those old habits. Those thoughts are less and less each day but I was fat for so long that some of those old thoughts are deeply ingrained in my head. There are sad days and there are great days - everyone has them but I try not to stay in the sad days very long - excercise is a great pick me up as I have learned. It's normal to have up and down days. 

Part of the problem, for me, is that it never ends. Maintenance is forever. But if you don't like going to the doctor much, thinking of the health aspects helps a lot. 

hi stranger friend, as @baskington said the question is what is making you sad? strive for happiness just as you are, and be super proud when you reach a goal! you are enough just as you are... maybe try a bit of meditation, use mantras like i am grateful for my body and waking up in the morning, i deserve peace and joy in my life, i am loved and valued... even if you do not believe that right now. think of yourself as a friend... if your friend was trying to do something to improve their health would you beat them up or really tell them how great they are doing, how proud you are, encourage them to keep at it... do the same for you... you deserve it! 

Feeling sad can be a normal part of the weight loss process. The old you is literally disappearing. It's part of the change process. While some are happy, others must work through the difference in their own way. Your goal should be to accept the change and embrace the new you. ❤️ 

For me, losing weight has been an emotional roller coaster. I think we all experience the fear of failure, even when we are succeeding.  

Agreed with what TomLong has said, though in my case I have yoyo'ed for 4 years and not yet reached my goal. It discourages me that I will never be free of the issues, that I will always need to be mindful and careful of my consumption if I ever hope to achieve and maintain goal weight. The stakes get higher with age. Your head has to get in - and stay in - the game. 

Yes, I felt very sad,somewhat depressing!! loosing was the easy part, keeping it off seems more difficult as I knew the hardest part was coming and that was keeping it off, so far been maybe a year and still under goal !!! 

I think I've discovered what's making me sad, but it's really hard to share. Several of you were on my post about 5 weeks ago when I learned that after an abrupt breakup my ex moved on within two weeks to someone he dubbed "the one." Whether she is or not is not what's really the issue. The real issue is that the transition was a huge impetus for me to finally meet my weight loss goal, something that he had been helping me with and encouraging me to achieve because he believed I was capable of anything I put my mind to. I guess now that I have lost more than 20 pounds (my initial goal), I realize that no matter how much weight I lose, it's still not going to bring him back. While at some time I might be able to share my victory with him (not ready to do that yet), he will be proud of me, but it won't be the magic pill to fix the things that created distance between us. I realize now that we both had lots of room to grow. I think we were both stubborn and scared because "the real thing" can be scary when you're staring an adult future in the face. We were ready for marriage and kids, but took out our anxieties by trying to control each other's behaviors. For example, I got upset when he bought a used convertible because I thought if we were looking at a future together that money should be spent together - but at this point we weren't married or engaged, so really it's his money to decide. I guess it was the lack of consideration in the approach. He got REALLY upset with me when I considered getting a new dog (mine both passed last year of old age). I think it was the same idea - he was concerned that I wasn't considering our future choice of a pet together. So, if we were both so determined to make decisions together, why did we show such lack of consideration for the other person's opinions? Perhaps our way of maintaining control in a scary commitment time? I have grown and changed SO MUCH since June 1. I honestly am not sure that I would trade the experience. Would I take him back tomorrow if it meant forfeiting everything I learned in the last few months? That would be a hard trade, because I don't think I'd have the strength and flexibility needed to be the best possible partner. But am I sad that I can't share that partnership with him now that I've grown so much? Absolutely. Am I sad that he moved on so fast (probably more out of compulsion than affection (long story - we can explore that another day))? Absolutely, because that means I can't share my journey with him now. But have I also realized that he didn't take the time to do the hard work to learn and grow and heal from our experience. I think if he had been willing to remain single for even a month, maybe two, then he would have reflected on our challenges and chosen to work with me to make the future we had been building. But due to his confusion, compulsion, and urgency, he is missing out on the opportunity to see what amazing growth I've made and what awesome growth he is capable of. So yes, I'm sad. I'm sad that I miss my best friend. I'm sad that he latched on to someone else so soon. I'm sad that their happiness is probably superficial and he may just repeat the cycle and get hurt again. I'm sad that there's a 2% chance that he honestly just met his soul mate two weeks after we crushed each other's hearts. But mostly, I'm just sad that I miss my best friend. Rant over. Thank you for listening. I have been keeping a journal, but the idea that this explosion of emotion today will be shared with others is actually very freeing. It validates my deeply held beliefs and enables me to own my place in this "tragedy." Thank you for being here for me. Here's to the next 20 pounds! 

Thank you so much for sharing your journey and realizations. Moving from making decisions as a single person to making them as a couple can be a gradual transition and not an easy one. So the fact that some issues cropped up around this is kind of normal. It is sad that he "moved on" so quickly and in my life I've seen men do this a lot and I still don't understand it. But it is very painful to be in your position when this occurs (I've been there too). It can cause doubt and uncertainty on the very deepest of levels. What you have shared here shows you are working through your heartache. And I applaud you that you don't have to make him the bad guy in order to cope. You may have lost one important supporter of your weight loss progress but you have a whole bunch of us here to cheer you on. Mourn, but hold on to the belief that something greater and better is coming your way. And I know deep down you believe this or you wouldn't be working on achieving a healthy weight. Hugs 

Precious Heart - everyone here has already said what I would have said. You can do this! I've gotten on the scale to find a loss and wished it didn't happen, because I knew it would be temporary and would only give me false hope. For me, it was a negative mindset that has only just changed within the last month. You've got this. Keep going!