Klynn82's Journal, 26 January 2019

“In times of stress, the best thing we can do for each other is to listen with our ears and our hearts and to be assured that our questions are just as important as our answers.” ― Fred Rogers

I am reminded of the parable of the balls: Imagine life as a game in which you are juggling some five balls in the air. You name them - work, family, health, friends and spirit - and you're keeping all of these in the air. You will soon understand that work is a rubber ball. If you drop it, it will bounce back. But the other four balls - family, health, friends and spirit - are made of glass. If you drop one of these, they will be irrevocably scuffed, marked, nicked, damaged or even shattered. They will never be the same. You must understand that and strive for balance in your life.

I am starting to drop my glass balls to save my rubber ball and that is foolish. My husband, my family, my health and my life are all more important than that stupid place, with its stupid owners and their stupid stupid treatment of me.

My feelings were hurt recently, just after Christmas, I emailed someone that I love dearly and told them something about work that had happened just recently. I explained in detail what went on, and their response, though given in love, was that it was my own fault. It hurt me. More than I want to admit, because I truly felt then, and still feel now that it was not my fault. I had all my ducks in a row, and someone ELSE came along and kicked them out of line. I know that gives me a victim mentality and I do not want to live like that, and I know that in the end, it was my fault for trusting someone that could not be trusted. It was my fault, but it shouldnt have happened the way it did. I think that was why it hurt me that this person that I talked to didnt baby me, and tell me it was the big mean man, because in the end, its better to be told that you made a mistake, even if it was just trusting someone, than to be led to believe that you are a victim.

I will say, living on my own, for the first time in my life, is a really huge stress reliever. I wish that all the crap was put away, that we werent STILL unpacking, but I dont have to worry about anyone else. I worry about him and me, not his family or mine, just us. That is a wonderful feeling. I can shower when I want, I can eat when I want, I can listen to and watch what I want, and there is no one that can tell me what to do. That is an amazing feeling. In our little piece of the world, I dont have to worry about everyone else.

I have a job interview on Tuesday, but I am scared. I am scared that if I leave the company, what will happen? I do have friends who work there, people that I love, and I dont want them to be without a job because I left. What if I fail, fall flat on my face, and I dont have that job to rely on to go back to? Once I leave there, they will not let me come back, they will not want me back. I just dont know what to do. I should be more adult about this, I am 36 years old, but I am afraid, like a child, because I dont know what to do next.

I need to start working out, I need to start getting back into the swing of weight loss. I have literally been losing the same 20lbs for a month and a half. I am heavier than I was at my last weigh in, not by much, but heavier. I dont want to log a weight until I am back to lower than I was, which should be next Friday. I am going to bust my butt this week and lose the extra weight. I am going to start feeling good again, for me! I am tired. I am stressed, and I need this to make me feel strong again.

Lord, I cry out to you, please hear me. I pray for an answer, I pray for guidance. I pray for comfort and peace. I pray that each person reading this feels your love and acceptance, they feel that no matter what, they can get through life and face each obstacle. I pray that you find us all, wherever we are, and lift us up to a higher level, a better place. Those who are celebrating, give them even more to celebrate, and those who are struggling, give them a hand to hold and a light to guide them forward. Lord, help those of us who are taking baby steps, to step out and take a bigger step. Lord, walk with us, guide us, and love us. In your name, Amen!!

Those of you who have facebook have probably seen the whole 10 year challenge that they have been posting. Well, I did a 20yr challenge. I posted a picture of me when I was 16 and then a picture that I took that morning, with my new haircut! I will post that below, as well as, the picture that the stylist took of my new hair. It makes me feel so much cuter! haha!! Have a wonderful week everyone!! Love you all!!

---

1328 kcal

Fat: 107.29g | Prot: 67.07g | Carb: 18.88g.   Breakfast: Pickles, Hillshire Farm Yard O Beef. Lunch: Sabra Classic Hummus, Food Lion Pork Rinds. Dinner: Herdez Casera Mild Salsa, Daisy Sour Cream, Great Value Pork Sausage Patty, Egg Omelet or Scrambled Egg with Cheese. more...

2676 kcal

Activities & Exercise: Fitbit - 24 hours. more...