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Done with work, and it’s the dreaded pick up time from school. I saved my bbq chicken breast to eat right before I left the shipyard, so I’m not ravenous right now. Fresh out of junk foods at the house, only fresh veggies and fresh fruit. I’m planning my salad in my head, and I’m even going straight to the grocery store for my calorie free dressing. It’s mostly vinegar. I got overtime that I signed up for tomorrow and Sunday, that’s going to help get me back on track too.
My weight shot up like 7 pounds, and I’m horrified by this. It’s the first time I’ve had a big gain in a very long time. Months. Is it weird that I want to go get fast food? To just say, screw it! But, I’m not going to. I just hate this period of repentance. I hate the cravings all loud and obnoxious. I hate that my new little shorts will barely button. I hate that I just put myself back one month, maybe 2!😤
As a self admitted impatient person, hooked on immediate gratification, this is such a difficult situation. I’ve got some soul searching to do. To remember my “why.” And I’ve got to start exercising again, not just assuming work has done enough for me.
What is happening is my 5 year old is hijacking my feelings, and I’m willingly allowing it. His bad behavior is determining my mood and my reactions. Because he’s naughty- absolutely awful at times- and therefore embarrasses me, I hide my feelings and then I hide myself. To eat. Alone. In front of the tv. Under a blanket.
If that’s not just a stones throw away from ED behavior, idk what is. So, first thing is I have to get out of the habit of immediately going home to immediately eat. How’s about I replace eat with hydration?
Next. I used to prioritize getting the carcinogenic paint off my bare skin. Wouldn’t that be a good idea?
Lastly. The days of grabbing crackers, chocolate bars, marshmallows, etc and heading to my recliner are GONE. I’ve got a big yard: remember, outside? 🙄 And just because Matthew is grounded to his room does not mean that have to punish myself.
I’m about to get him from school. Wish me luck. Then, it’s the grocery store for ONE THING.
Diet Calendar Entry for 07 September 2018:
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934 kcal
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Fat: 6.52g | Prot: 44.55g | Carb: 195.19g.
Breakfast: Milk (Nonfat) . Lunch: Honeydew Melons , Grapes (Red or Green, European Type Varieties Such As Thompson Seedless) . Dinner: Blueberries , Bananas , Stop & Shop Baby Carrots, Mustard, Apples . Snacks/Other: Fresh & Easy BBQ Chicken. more...
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