Cindy Thompson's Journal, 14 February 2011

Wow, I really feel for you being in that awful situation. I hope they can work something out - maybe couples counselling would help? 

Hi Lee! My daughter said that he wouldn't go to counselling. He doesn't think his behavior is abnormal. God he needs a revelation. 

Cindy, I am praying...I am so sorry that your daughter is going through such a rough time, but glad that you are there to help her and the baby. HUGS, dear sis! 

Thanks sis. I really needed that hug. Love you. 

Cindy, I am glad you are there for the baby and for your daughter and you are doing the right thing by trying to keep the little one away from it as much as possible. I am also sorry it is putting so much stress on you! Take care of yourself and your grandbaby and be there to listen when your daughter needs you and hopefully this will pass. ~hugs~ 

Oh Cindy I can relate. It's hard to see family members go through relationship stuff like this but unfortunately no one can stop it but your daughter. When she is tired of being treated this way, she'll start taking steps to either set boundaries or get out, but that won't happen until she's ready to do it. Say what you need to say to express how you feel so that you can let it go, not to create a particular outcome, because you don't have control over that. It's also possible that by trying to protect the ones you love, you are getting in the way of the very things that could lead your daughter to see the light & put her foot down. Trust her to deal with her own mess, & trust God to take care of both your daughter & grandchild in this situation. Hugs to you hon. 

Thanks Pixi and Kat! Appreciate you dear friends. Hugs{{{}}} 

My heart is so burdened for you and your daughter. I empathize with you and the anguish I know this causes. How lonely and isolated she must feel. Please know that I am praying for you right now. I agree with Kat that she needs to come to terms with this on her own; and to insist on counseling and set some boundaries--some non-negotiables in their marriage/family. I will pray that God reveals his own selfishness and harsh, hurtful attitudes to him - and that he will make amends and get RIGHT. Hugs and love.... 

It sounds like he wants to have his cake and eat it too - have a family and then go out whenever he wants. I never got married because I saw how rough with all the insults aimed at me from my parents as a child, and so I never wanted to get tied down to something I would regret. If a man is not coming home every night - he may be at work - or? Lots of men use that 'at work' excuse, I have worked and known many who used it especially when I was in the military there was so much infidelity from both men and women, though then it wasn't as dangerous as it is now with deadly STDs we know about... She should not hang onto someone who treats her badly though. She needs to be thinking about her long-term future of getting educated in school or a trade of some sort so she isn't reliant on him or any man in life so she isn't stuck in a possible loveless marriage...  

Cindy, this all seems so familiar to me! You need to let your daughter know you are there for her day and night! My ex belittled me, stayed out all night without even phoning and in later stages when he was home use to climb out the window in the middle of the night so I wouldn't hear the front door open! Guess what! I was pregnant at the time as well! My husband was having a affair! I'm praying that your daughter gets strong and leaves this man for her own good and the good of her children! It is scary to suddenly be alone and pregnant! I know first hand! But it is doable and I was happier for it in the end! That is my experience! Maybe he is not having a affair and if that's the case maybe they should separate for a while while he gets his head sorted out! Either way cindy things do not look good for their future and life in a loveless marriage like Glenn said is not good for your daughter or the kids! 

Thank you so much Evie for your prayers. Leanne and Glenn I've told my daughter that she will have to stand up to him if she wants things to change. She just keeps saying that he won't change unless God gets ahold of him. They are at least going to church together at this point. For awhile he has played tennis with his buddies at night. He is very restless. Always has to be doing something, buying somethings, never content to stay home and relax unless he is sick or so tired from all the physical activity. He was very hyperactive as a child. His father and mother divorced when he was young. My SIL can be very charasmatic in personality but soon you relize that he is all about his self and he has to always be right. His nickname is .com because he is always spouting off what he thinks he knows. and nobody else knows anything. Like ya'll said she needs to set some boundaries. All I can do is be here for her to listen to her and of course pray. It just hurts so much to see her hurting. I really wasn't going to journal this second entry because it is so personal; however, to be true to my feelings I had to get this out. I do believe if we pray and she is willing to set some boundaries and they do something to help their marriage like couples counseling that God can change this situation. I hope so for the sake of my grand kids and for the sake of their family as a whole. Thanks for being there my dear friends. Love ya'll. Hugs{{{}}} 

Dearest Cindy, so sorry that your daughter is going through this. I understand as a mother, their pain is your pain. Like the others have stated, there is nothing you can do, except be there for her, offer advice when asked...and pray. Unfortunately, your daughter will have to come around on her own. Right now being pregnant she is especially vulnerable. Praying for your daughter, to find strength, self worth, and a sense of peace in her decision. Much Love and hugs.  

Thank you for your prayers Raven. Love and Hugs{{{}}} 

Best of luck, Cindy. He has growing up to do, as does your daughter. Even if she's pregnant she needs to start taking steps to take care of HERSELF without a man by getting some type of education. My younger sister stayed at home till 33 and is with a guy now and needs him to pay half the bills at age 42 because she never got a good career and is now unemployed... 

My daughter has a good job making pretty good money. She graduated valedictorian of her school and now has a degree in Statistics. Math is her strong suit. I've told her to stand up to him and stop taking all of this from him. Maybe he listened to her last night. I hope so. I do believe with prayer and them being willing to change that things can turn around for them. I'm so sorry about what happened to your sister Glenn. My daughter and SIL have only been married a few years. They both need to grow up as you have said. Have a great day my friend. 

Oh, Cindy! I am so sorry. I have been in both places - where your daughter is now and where you are as well. It is unfortunate that neither I nor my daughter were able to reconcile and keep our marriages together - though we both tried desperately, but a one-sided relationship never works out. I'm so grateful that my daughter recognized this in long before I ever did. I think she watched me suffer enough that she was most definitely not going to go through all that I went through! Your daughter is so very blessed to have your support. She knows she is not alone and that is so very important. Just remind her every day how beautiful she is - inside and out, how very loved she is, and all that she has to offer her children and anyone smart enough to receive that which she offers. If her current husband is too self-absorbed to realize the gift he has in her, then he doesn't deserve her! I will pray for her and know that God will give her the strength and wisdom to do what is best for her children and herself. "Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will direct your paths." Proverbs 3, 5-6