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I figured since I spent a great deal of time on this site, I should write my first journal entry. My name is Rita, I am 21 years old, I am currently in college, and I am engaged to a wonderful man I met during my time here at school. I have struggled with my weight since my early adolescence. I began gaining weight as soon as I hit puberty and it never stopped. My entire family (especially my intermediate and father's side) have struggled. Some have had success, others have gained all of their weight back if not more. I (like many people on this site,) are products of their environment. My family has made poor health choices which I have internalized and taken into adulthood. However, I do not blame them. I am an independent adult who has the free will to make choices.
One of these choices was to leave my boyfriend of four years to date my fiancee. While dating my former boyfriend, my weight was relatively under control. I was still overweight, but I did not gain nor lose. Like everything in that relationship, it was too cold and comfortable to change. My current boyfriend is what close friends and family chide a foodie. He is very gifted in the kitchen and cooks big meals with rich foods. He is also from the South, which has shaped his love for butter (and Paula Dean.)Nevertheless, dating him has added to my heart and my waistline. He is supportive of my efforts to loose weight, but I am afraid it will be even more difficult without a site like this to keep me on track and motivated. I am terrified of next week when we have to leave our college lives to go home and see family. I am afraid my entire diet will be blown next week because of his mother's sweet tea and baked macaroni and cheese. I know it is okay to allow myself to have a little of each, but I know if I slip just a little off my program, I will go overboard. That is simply my personality. That is why I am in this perdiciment. One example of this was last Saturday. My fiancee, a close male friend, and I all got together after a Christmas party. All three of us had eaten dinner hours earlier, but we gorged out on my buffalo chicken dip and drank. The dip was gone in literally 15 minutes. It was disgusting. The next night our friend took us out to Outback where each of us had a steak, soup, and a side. Before this we all shared an appetizer of cheese fries! While it is embarrassing to admit this, I do not remember anything satisfying about either of these pig out sessions. That is when it hit me: I have to make healthier life choices because I am poisoning myself.
I cannot tell you the last time I felt healthy. I am a 4.0 student in college, a perfectionist. I wake up (relatively) early and go to bed too late. My typical daily caloric intake consists of: a diet coke, a cigarette, and one meal (typically late at night) either at a restaurant or Chinese takeout. I sometimes will eat lunch or dinner at the dorm dining hall, but since almost all of my friends live in apartments, I usually eat with them. In essence, I am killing myself and I am ashamed that it has taken me this long to admit it even though I always knew it.
My current goals?
* Lose 10 lbs. 10 at a time until I reach my goal because looking at the whole total will discourage me.
* Fit into my jeans again. I mean, is it too much to ask?
*To make it through the holidays (correction: my fiancee's house) without having to sacrifice my diet AND motivation.
* To do yoga EVERYDAY because I have only been doing it for awhile, but I am already seeing old shades of Rita when I do.
*To feel human again. I have felt like garbage because thats all I have been putting into me. I need to stop using my academic life or the college lifestyle stereotypes from keeping me from living a healthy lifestyle.
Diet Calendar Entries for 19 December 2008:
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1282 kcal
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Fat: 64.15g | Prot: 73.98g | Carb: 116.63g.
Breakfast: Sharp Cheddar Cheese, mushrooms, water. Lunch: light balsamic vinaigrette, diet coke, Chicken Vegatable Rotini Soup, apple, romaine lettuce, Hamburger Dill Pickle Slices. Dinner: Beef Chuck (Arm Pot Roast, Trimmed to 1/2" Fat, Prime Grade), potatoes, carrots, Portabella Mushrooms (Grilled), romaine lettuce, chick peas, light balsamic vinaigrette. Snacks/Other: weight watchers chocolate cookies and cream. more...
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2269 kcal
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Activities & Exercise:
Stretching (yoga) - 15 minutes, Resting - 15 hours and 45 minutes, Sleeping - 8 hours. more...
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