Lotus's Journal, 10 July 2008

usually if a person hasnt been in the same situation, then they have no idea what the rest of us go thru with the weight issuses and the eating disorders...an its hard to get them to see it from our point of view...most people that have no clue just think you can say no to something and you can stop eating it...they dont understand that its not that easy...i do understand how it is..my mom thinks i can just do without chocolate...which i can for a few weeks, but then i have to have it...an im ok for a few more weeks...brandon just hasnt seen your point from his side of the road... 

I just went back and read your last entry and I am sorry that Brandon was so insensitive to you! Maybe you could tell him how much it is bothering you? Either way, I think he will see with time that what you are doing makes sense, and then you won't have to worry about him saying rude things about it anymore. ((hugs)) 

What I don't get is why he thought because I was watching that video about fat prejudice, that it meant I am now ASPIRING to be fat?? So STUPID? I haven't gone into length to explain to him what intuitive eating really is, so he probably sees be eating ice cream and thinks..uh-oh... Well I haven't gained at all so far, I weighed again today(though I told myself I wouldn't) and it ahysn't varied much all week though I have been eating ice cream, McDonalds cheeseburger(so gross..no more of those!), one day i had Pizza, etc. I am getting better at realizing that aha moment of satifaction. I realized last night as I was eating ice cream that I was no longer hungry(I was hungry to begin with so the message of satisfation was clear)..but I took about 5 bites after that. I am working on it. Ice cream is a hard one for me! But then I thought about the time that I ate half a quart of ice cream when bingeing! It takes a LOT of ice cream to feel "full" especially when eating for emotional reasons, but not much to feel satified. I don't feel guilt for continuing to eat. I did notice that I wanted to eat faster after reaching the satisfaction point, but I forced myself to continue eating slowly. Next time I think I will stop at that moment. I didn't feel sick afterwards, but I did notice a bit of a sugar buzz. It's a learning process, not a giving up and just eating everything in sight. I want so bad to explain it to him, but honestly, I am sick of discussing my eating habits with him. He has not a clue. He already does intuitive eating naturally! Though he often eats past the point of fullness for dinner, because he skips meals and burn about a bazillion caloies working a strenuous job. He is always thin and fit.  

Hope that you will be able to find a way to discuss your food issues in a way that isn't threatening or misunderstood. It's not fun when we get our feelings hurt or take things in a hurtful way, intended or not. It's hard for the men who don't know about the difficulties to even have a clue about what we go through. Love him for why you married him ... the rest will follow. Good luck! :) 

Hey girl!! I hope you're feeling better!! Have a great weekend!!