05 Aug 18 by member: MrsMagyk
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Life is always throwing us curve balls and your father is very lucky to have you move back home to take care of him - just remember that your dreams for yourself are more important than trying to live your father's wishes. You need to live your own life for yourself or you will not be happy and that leads to a lot of eating those feelings. I have thought about a tiny home on some land somewhere - I would love that - go get that home of your dreams on your own land!
05 Aug 18 by member: nikeit
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I'm so very sorry you are having to go through all this. Prayers and hugs to you!
05 Aug 18 by member: BlueFront
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You have such an interesting opportunity to witness the death of a loved one - something that most of those in American culture recoil from. Take time for YOU and be aware the its your dad's PAIN talking. You know from the past that "eating your feelings" just makes you feel WORSE. In planning the future, you can "agree" with your dad, but in the end do what's right for you and your sister. No reason to be at odds with him at the present, and he won't care in the future. Every day enjoy the BEAUTY and SIMPLICITY of NATURE. Breathe. Take one day at a time. Your dreams are not destroyed, just delayed. ;o)
05 Aug 18 by member: notsominniemouse
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I feel for you Vicki. Care taking is no joke! That’s a lot of change and responsibility that you have just received. I’m just now figuring out how to not eat my feelings through my challenging times raising my son. I’ve been his care taker for the last 11 1/2 years. Different circumstance, but wanted to let you know I’m here if you need support. Be kind to yourself, and lean on your sis if you can.
Hugs❤️
05 Aug 18 by member: LeiLei84
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I completely understand. I've spent the last 10 months caring for my sister with Alzheimer's, finding a good group home, and then grieving her death. and handling her estate The roller coaster is so hard. I've gained about 25 pounds to my already overweight frame, and I can feel the health threats. Please be nice to yourself, and understand that what you're doing is one of the most difficult things in life, and also the most fulfilling. Your dad is so lucky to have you.
05 Aug 18 by member: Grizzywife
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I agree. you might consider reassuring your dad that you have no plans of selling his land, but for now you are keeping your land and moving ahead with some of your own plans and continuing to work on some of your own goals. You will reassess those goals as time goes on. Be firm. Impulsive promises or actions made under these circumstances often don’t work out as well as you might like.
05 Aug 18 by member: Kenna Morton
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One of the things that I say to the many caregivers that I deal with is to learn to PUT THE OXYGEN ON YOURSELF FIRST. If you are not healthy and Ok, you cannot help anyone else.
05 Aug 18 by member: Kenna Morton
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Thats so true Kenna. And I've accepted that he wants to die. If I were in the same boat I can say I would probably make the same decision. I love this land and this house, and it would be so easy to just take it over when he goes. I have put my life on hold for so many reasons in the past 20 years...always for the sake of someone else. I'm just afraid that buy the time I finally realize I need to just live my own life, I too will be dead. With regrets. My land is going to be so much work. Its over grown. The pond is leaking. Theres no utilities, no house... And the longer I dont proceed with things, the longer it will take to build what my ultimate goal is. I want an oasis of plants and wildlife. I have yet to plant one seed or grow one tree. These things take years and the more years I put aside, the less time I can live and enjoy them. But here...at dads... I can live the next 3 years in a camper with no input on how to live, at the mercy of the mentally insane, and sell my soul for something that will ultimately end up being a huge fucking agrument with a greedy sister
05 Aug 18 by member: Vickiauntmick
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to heck with the greedy sister. you have to do what you can for your dad and try to find balance for yourself. I don't know how far your land is from your dad, but you can do some setting up over there when you have time. hiring someone to clear is an easy enough start. If there are area's you want left alone you mark them. seeing that may help ease your mind and you can take pictures of the cleared land and start planning your plantings.
05 Aug 18 by member: baskington
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05 Aug 18 by member: keilin-4
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Vicki— hate to bring this up, but is there a TRUST, Something that has been set up to help beneficiaries deal with the inevitable issues. With a designated executor, a Power of Attorny for legal, financial and healthcare issues.. Deal with this with your dad before his mental health worsens. This may have been dealt with already, but if not, get it done especially if you have reason to believe there may be sister issues.
05 Aug 18 by member: Kenna Morton
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I agree with your thought process Kenna. If this is going to be a battle later for the property, it is better to deal with it before hand. It could be something as simple as putting the property into a trust with you as the trustee or owner. co owner with survivor rights also is a simple thing. You would have to talk to someone what works in your state that knows the legal status of these types of options to bypass inheritance tax and potential legal fights in the future. Then you can talk to your dad about how is best to protect the property that he wants you to keep.
05 Aug 18 by member: baskington
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Thanks for joining in baskington. In Calif, if there is no TRUST for your home/property, probate can take 2 years and a lot of money in legal fees.
05 Aug 18 by member: Kenna Morton
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Dad has set up his will quite well so far. And I am the executrix. I know the sister is going to be an ass about everything. Dad mentioned leaving the tractor to me and the truck to her.... She got pissy about that. I finally pointed out it didnt f-ing matter. We could sell the whole damn thing and split it and she could buy whatever her heart desires. It's ridiculous.
05 Aug 18 by member: Vickiauntmick
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Truly tough times... I'm so sorry for your situation, but if anyone can stay strong and get thru it, it's you Vicki. I can just tell. 🌹❤️
05 Aug 18 by member: Pixie722
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I've had 600 calories today. And slept all day. I went to bed and didn't get up until 11:30 then went back to bed around 3:30 and got back up at 6. Just overly depressed and when I sit still for a second I have thoughts that make me cry. Just not in a good place right now. I had a coworker come visit and he said dads place is so beautiful and an oasis etc... He said I'd be crazy to not stay here. It really is beautiful. Like a park beautiful. And I think about all the years I spent right here in this field as a kid. I love living in my camper. Its not that at all. I just feel like my life is on pause and I have no idea why I'm waiting or what I'm waiting for
05 Aug 18 by member: Vickiauntmick
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You are just in the classic adult caring for elderly parent situation and everyone struggles with the emotions and decisions. You are not alone, an really is difficult. Stay with your gut and do what you want for YOUR future - not what others want you to do.
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