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All right, try again. Something new to journals in my two year absence, the ability to upload images direct rather than that whole third party image thing. But in the course of testing that I clicked cancel thinking it was applicable to the image not the entire journal. I was wrong. Nonetheless.
I peaked back at a few of the journals two years ago and realized this past year wasn't the first time for this sloth depression - but then again, it may be when it began and never ended. I'm taking Fetzema and hormones they are helping but I still had a huge emotional breakdown this weekend when my third trip to San Antonio failed. On the heels of that Grace critized me by saying I was negative. I lost it. I've fought my whole life people making me feel unlovable and now my best friend??? WTF??? I started crying. And when she came to see me the next day, I started crying again.
I finally wrote her and told her it wasn't her, she just got caught in the wake of it all but it has affected my feeling toward her for now because I feel she judged me. And has been judging me. And I don't know how to be ME around her. If I have to edit myself with my friend what's the point. I don't need that crap.
Yesterday someone asked to buy one of my paintings. That was cool except he never came back after leaving to get money.. I went from an extreme Sally Field high "they like my paintings, they really like my paintings" to a cynical low of "are you kidding me??? It's not enough that San Antonio messes with me when I"m there - it's started sending people after me to mess with me once I leave" ( as the """" buyer """" was from San Antonio)
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