Penlan's Journal, 14 April 2016

I woke with a start in the middle of the night. Might be a panic over the show, or a noise or....? Struggling to get back to sleep I got thinking about the whole weight loss thing. Looking at numbers, I like numbers.

I know I have been heavier than known at the start of my intentional diet. I didn't used to weigh myself so don't the number. It could have been an other 10 kilos. Could even have been more, I shudder to think. 95 kilos is in my head as a recorded weight while I was pregnant. I know I weighed less full term than I did at the start, as I was so sick. That is hard to admit. Can I really have weighed 15 stone???? Really?

Anyway, let's not deal with unknowns...

I have been using kilos for the journey as to me its just a number. No psychological damage of being able to relate to my weight in 'real' terms of stones and pounds. It works for me, I obviously have a track record of denial and head in sand approach, or I wouldn't have gotten so fat.

I just did some conversions into numbers I recognise. I have knowingly lost 2 stone 5lbs, likely the total is more like 4 and a half stones. That's frightening to me. I know I look different, I don't feel all that different, like I didn't realise (obviously) how fat I had become over the years. It's a very odd sensation.

Anyway, according to the nhs bmi calculator, at 60 kilos - less than 9 1/2 stone, and my goal weight, I am still on the overweight side of the healthy zone.

I remember that weight in my teens, it was right for me, even then. Yet that is still considered heavy.... it's a stone less than I am now. I accept I can easily lose another stone, I don't think I want to be less than that. We will see how I feel/look/perform when I get there.

The middle of the green nhs zone for me is 55 kilos. I remember when I was that weight at college. My ribs and hip bones stick outm and all my friends, family and college lecturers were worried I was anorexic. I wasn't, I ate like a horse, I was just very. very active.

Bottom line is, going by those numbers I am confused. I know bmi is rubbish as it doesn't account for muscle, but hey... it's just bonkers! What do people do to find their appropriate personal goal weight???

And when do I see a green line on here....??? Is it the half way point between start and goal? Can't be, I'm past that goal. Maybe it's 3/4, in which case I should see it in a little over a kilo - YAY :)

All that number crunching got me nowhere along the sleep path. Sigh. Back to counting sheep????

---

1595 kcal

Fat: 95.54g | Prot: 75.42g | Carb: 98.78g.   Breakfast: Navels Oranges, Nixe Wild Pacific Pink Salmon, Avocados. Lunch: Infinity Foods Organic Almonds, Braeburn Apples, Waitrose Greek Feta Cheese with Ewes and Goats Milk, Nixe Wild Pacific Pink Salmon, Avocados. Dinner: Egg, Co-Op Celery, Morrisons Sweetheart Cabbage, Shiraz Wine, Cucumber (with Peel), Sainsbury's So Organic Organic Chestnut Mushrooms, Extra Virgin Olive Oil, Yeo Valley Butter. Snacks/Other: Semi-Skimmed Milk, Gwenlas Whole Milk, Tesco Butter Mintoes, Jakemans Throat & Chest Soothing Menthol Sweets, Whole Earth Crunchy Organic Peanut Butter, Infinity Foods Organic Almonds. more...

2706 kcal

Activities & Exercise: Sleeping - 6 hours and 30 minutes, Resting - 6 hours and 57 minutes, Desk Work - 4 hours, Walking (exercise) - 3.5/mph - 33 minutes, Stairs (Climbing Stairs) - 5 minutes, Circuit Training - 1 hour and 15 minutes, Grocery Shopping - 1 hour, Driving - 2 hours and 40 minutes, Walking (slow) - 2/mph - 1 hour. more...