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This day four of being back on the keto bandwagon and I can't thank my friends and fellow FS members enough for your support. My husband is 13 years sober and we talk a lot about addiction and relapse, but talking alone doesn't cure. Sometimes you cycle, and sometimes you have to find a low point to give you the motivation to turn around.
Last Friday was that day. I haven't been eating correctly for weeks now. Throwing away the lovingly packed food my husband was sending me to work with, and getting fast food everyday. Friday I started by getting a pop and two doughnuts. The first half of the day I was told my great aunt had fallen and broken her hip so I left work early to go to the hospital. But I couldn't face my mother or the emergency, so I ate. I started at cold stone and had a "love it" sized birthday cake remix in a sprinkle waffel cone. Then I went to Culvers and had a 6 piece fried shrimp basket with another pop and cheese curds. Then a double cheeseburger. I want to say there was other stuff but I don't honestly remember. The next day I totaled everything up and it was nearly 5,000 calories and 525g net carbs. That's 21 days worth of carbs.
I didn't know how to tell my husband. I'd been so bad for so long, this was just an explosion of binge eating. So the next night I got drunk and spilled my guts to him. He was justifiably disappointed in me, but he made it clear that he still loves me and that I need to decide if this is finally enough.
So I thought about it the rest of the night and I decided it was. But there's always a great amount of clarity when the clouds pass and you are excited about a new chance. This won't be easier than any other time I've tried to quit binging or sneaking fast food, but hopefully it will become an easier decision each chance I have to misbehave.
To help me get serious (and I think also to learn to appreciate his help) my husband told me the next day that he would not make my lunch for the next week. If I wanted to eat, and eat healthfully, it wasn't going to be handed to me anymore. I think that's helped a great deal.
Anyway, thanks for still being here, I'm glad to be back!
Diet Calendar Entries for 15 April 2015:
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736 kcal
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Fat: 49.28g | Prot: 45.33g | Carb: 31.80g.
Breakfast: Hormel Black Label Bacon Thick Slices, Mushrooms, Food Club Large Egg. Dinner: Cooked Mushrooms (from Fresh), Johnsonville Cheddar Bratwurst. Snacks/Other: Green String Beans, Bolthouse Farms Baby-Cut Carrots. more...
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2330 kcal
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Activities & Exercise:
Running (jogging) - 5/mph - 1 hour, Resting - 15 hours, Sleeping - 8 hours. more...
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