Johanne's Journal, 27 June 2011

I'm home from camp. I've had a week to relax and regroup. It's time to get back to business. I'm tired of this plateau and I know it's my fault. I haven't been religious about what I'm doing. I have to get back to weighing every day (yes, I don't get discouraged by the fluctuations and it helps keep me on track). I haven't entered my weights in my paper journals since I hit this plateau and I have to get back to doing that. I've grown really lax and I need to reassess what I'm doing. I'm eating to my present weight, not the weight I want to be. I'm not gaining, but I'm not losing either. Soooooooooo, today I get back on track and really start working at this again. I have just over 80 more lbs to lose. I know I can do it. I just have to get back on the program.

On that note, I also have to make a major attack on my house. It's really out of control and disgusting. (At least I don't feel that way about my weight!) I really believe the two go hand-in-hand. If I can get BOTH of them under control, I think the stress levels in my life will go down.

I haven't said much on here about my special needs daughter. My husband and I adopter her when I was 43. I had three grown children from a former marriage at this time. My youngest natural child was 15. We were in the delivery room with our adopted daughter and took her home from the hospital when she was 4 days old. Her birth mother was an intravenous cocaine user, alcoholic and pain med abuser. When Meg was 2, my husband left and I ended up single parenting her. It's been a bit of a nightmare. She is now 24. I have so much emotion and so much of the last 24 years invested in her. Last Monday, I took the last step to be legally free of her. I was her SSI and SS payee. She is very strong willed and was causing me major financial stress. Now, I can just love her and her beautiful children (who are all normal, by the way) and I am no longer legally liable. I'm almost 70. I just couldn't take the strain anymore. For those of you who adopted and don't have any natural children and may wonder if you would care as much about an adopted child as a biological child, I can tell you . . . there is absolutely no difference. I had my natural children first and I couldn't love Meg and her children more than I do.

So, here's to what's left of my future. I'm going to see what I can make of it from here.

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1755 kcal

Fat: 64.72g | Prot: 64.19g | Carb: 249.80g.   Breakfast: Diet Cranberry Juice, Truvia, Brown Rice Farina, Smart Balance, Scrambled Egg, Fat Free Skim Milk, Coffee,  Fasting Glucose - 98. Lunch: Split Pea Soup, Uncle Ben's Natural Whole Grain Brown Rice, Grape Tomatoes. Dinner: Diced Tomatoes, Garbanzo Beans, Uncle Ben's Natural Brown Rice, Feta Cheese, Broccolli. Snacks/Other: Magnum White Ice Cream Bar, Double Caramel Ice Cream Bar (Magnum). more...

2384 kcal

Activities & Exercise: Sleeping - 8 hours, Resting - 15 hours and 30 minutes, Walking (slow) - 2/mph - 30 minutes. more...