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I think this is a "good news"/"bad news" type of journal entry.
Vacation was wonderful. We had a great time, enjoyed the beach, cold as it was, endured the hustle and bustle of the city, laughed ourselves silly at a comedy show, ate some great seafood and the biggest burgers I've ever seen in my life at the Helevtia Tavern, saw a decent movie, had some drinks, got some cool photos taken at one of those studios, and saw some lovely scenery.
Fatsecret has a red note on my profile telling me to "weigh in now." I have weighed in but I don't want to put it on here. Does that mean I am only partially in denial? I gained 11.4 lbs since May 16th when we left for vacation. I did enjoy every bite but I also did not indulge recklessly, at least I thought I didn't. I exercised every single morning for an hour or more. Other than a couple of splurges I ate what I thought were good choices and yet ... ugh ... back up to the 200 club.
However, I did weigh this morning which is different than I've done in the past. In the past I would promise myself to be good, avoid the scale because I was afraid it would depress me and then stay in complete denial until I had to put on a larger size of jeans and finally faced the music which means I was up 20, 30, or 40 lbs and then start to take it off again. I am not doing that which is positive. I am told it may be partially water retention as food "out" contains more sodium than food I typically eat. It took me nearly two months to go from 200 to 188 ... and I gain it in 9 days???? I suppose I'll have a better gauge on this by the end of this week ... I MUST keep my attitude right. I can't feel defeated, I can't give up.
I bought two pair of capri pants on vacation ... size 12. I probably should go upstairs and put them on so that I can see I am not all that different ... that they still fit. I only bought them on Friday!! LOL!!! Pretty sure on Sunday they should still fit ... what do you think?
I HATE the scale and yet ... I know I need it as a tool. I hate hearing my inner voice tell me to RESTRICT ... don't eat ... don't pay attention to your hunger ... you are fat. Those are old tapes, old voices, that is not what I want to be all about ... not the thoughts I need to be focusing on ... where are those positive vibes????
I know this is just another part of my journey and I need to embrace it, accept it, go with it ... I'll be fine. So, I'll go do the ironing, finish the laundry, maybe make a quick run to the dump to get rid of trash and stock up on a few groceries here pretty quick. Tomorrow is another day and another after that and another after that ... and so it goes. Perhaps a shower too ... yea ... that would be good.
I knew the scale would go up some ... but I had thought maybe 5 lbs. The 11 shocked me. The 11 made me feel like I can't enjoy myself and stay healthy. I can't ONLY look at the scale. My clothes tell me something ... and they still fit. And I am back on "normal" status today ... exercise and my own personal plan.
Well, thanks for listening ... sorry it's a downer not a bright and cheery success story. Maybe tomorrow or later this week I'll have insights and be eating crow ... ugh ... how many calories are in crow??? LOL!!!
Diet Calendar Entries for 24 May 2009:
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765 kcal
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Fat: 12.66g | Prot: 70.09g | Carb: 103.43g.
Breakfast: water, medifast cocoa. Lunch: tomato, 2% cottage cheese. Dinner: perrier, Extra Large Cooked Shrimp, Italian Creamy Garlic Rice. Snacks/Other: nectarine, Fiber One Dark Chocolate Mocha. more...
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3624 kcal
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Activities & Exercise:
Standing - 2 hours, Shopping - 1 hour, Driving - 1 hour and 30 minutes, Elliptical - 1 hour and 30 minutes, Resting - 10 hours, Sleeping - 8 hours. more...
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