FullaBella's Journal, 25 September 2014

Something occurred to me this morning regarding the great 'size tag' debate of my journal the other day. Maybe I did outgrow my actual clothes a little bit but I think the biggest change is I outgrew my tolerance for being squeezed and uncomfortable all for the sake of proving a weight loss.

I am constantly comparing 'this loss' to the previous losses and I remembered how in my 40's the minute I could actually BREATHE in a pair of jeans I'd go get the next size smaller. Discomfort and sometimes even pain endured throughout the day just to say 'I wear a size 2' instead of being happy with the 4 or 6.

And this time around, starting in Aug '12, I have been working very hard to abandon the disordered eating habits that led my losses & regains in the past as well as discard the 'stinking thinking'. And I do think that's part of it. Yes, some gain. But more important, less tolerance for being uncomfortable.

I realize the number was for me more than anyone else. It's not like I wore my tags on the outside. It's not like it matters. It really doesn't. Where in the heck did a size zero come from in the first place? Wouldn't a size zero indicate a lack of existence?

Lunch yesterday included a new (to me) food: tabouli. Served with chicken Marsala and sauteed asparagus. Today is good old fashioned Southern cooking of great northern beans (how ironic, no?) with ham hock and turnips & greens plus cornbread. Slick came by and said he'd come back for lunch. That'll be nice.

I think another thing may be changing too. I may be evolving from my serial challenge role. Then again, it may be because it hasn't actually started. The 'stop snack binge' reminder in my head has really made a difference this week.

And that's the news. Need to get the cornbread on. Hope you're all having a wonderful day in your world today. Thank you for stopping to visit with me.

Bella

190.0 lb Lost so far: 95.0 lb.    Still to go: 10.0 lb.    Diet followed reasonably well.