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I have had such an amazing day. I felt so sharp. And I was/am experiencing such clarity. So much so that I was talking quite fast, and I was hyper. I feel/felt amazing. I came home and spent time with my husband in the yard while he painted. I feel so exuberant. And incredibly happy. This evening on the way home in the car I'm literally bouncing from one topic of conversation to another and i feel so full of energy and life... THEN IT HIT ME.
I realize that I have not taken my medication for bi-polar in three days! What I am experiencing is MY REAL PERSONALITY. The part of me that is shut away when I am medicated. The medication dulls me, slows me down, makes me incredibly forgetful. I immediate felt soooo empty and sad. I LOVE how I feel. I love all this energy and life coming from me. But... its dangerous for me to be unmedicated. I ran out of meds Saturday and had to call in a prescription to fill... I forgot to pick it up.
Its me! I'm here, I'm here right now. But about 24 hours after I take my medication this person I am right now will fade away into the darkness.
I'm so sad. With such a great day, energy, laughter, clarity.... I am today... I'm sad.... so sad.
Diet Calendar Entries for 08 April 2014:
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133 kcal
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Fat: 11.57g | Prot: 6.36g | Carb: 0.38g.
Breakfast: Kraft Mayo Real Mayonnaise, Egg. more...
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2407 kcal
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Activities & Exercise:
Resting - 15 hours, Sleeping - 9 hours. more...
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 Comments
You are strong. You will be you no matter what...
08 Apr 14 by member: lohunter
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Thank you Lohunter...:/ I appreciate your kind comment!
08 Apr 14 by member: Deborahg382
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But if you need your meds, by all means, take them. You don't want to do yourself more harm than good in the long run. Take care, Deborahg
08 Apr 14 by member: LuC2
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I would love to think of something to lift you up, I always go to the Bible to encourage me, there are many wonderful encouraging verses. There is a website that sends you a verse everyday and weekly prayer.
08 Apr 14 by member: karenromiaih2002
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Thank you LuC2. You are right. And it is true it is very likely to be very harmful if I stayed off my medication. To be honest is the only reason why I force myself to take them, because of my behavior in the past. Medication keeps me safe, not matter how much I love to feel like the real me.. its better to stay alive then to risk the dangers.
Karenomiah2002, yes.. there are many lovely scriptures. One that I love is found in Isaiah 33:24 “No Resident Will Say: ‘I Am Sick’”
08 Apr 14 by member: Deborahg382
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