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I can be such an idiot sometimes. I come to this site for help, yet when I am into the food and not wanting to record my food, I stay away from here, even though I know here is where my fatbuddy friends are. I need to remember we are all in this together, and that I should not feel like isolating just because I have a few bad days. It's useless to tell myself this, do I listen? NOOOOO, I want to do what I want to do, even if what I want to do isn't exactly what I want to do. Now does that make sense?! It's like that scripture in the bible, where Paul says, the good I wish to do I do not do, but the bad I don't want to do I do frequently (or something like that, I'm paraphrasing). But you get the idea, you know? I mean, I don't want to do the bad things, but they just seem to be the most prevalent. AND the most EASY!!! I mean, it's so much easy to pick up a bag of cheese curls and munch away than it is to peel an orange and eat it. And besides that, the orange doesn't crunch, which is what I always desire (could have an apple, but I don't think it's the same kind of crunch as you get with tater chips). But do you get what I am saying? I mean, it's easier to go up the street and have a hamburger and fries than actually get a pan out, put water in it, cook something, put it in a plate, eat it, clean up, wash the dishes. OH GOD, the work that goes into it!!! I might actually lose a few calories if I did it that way!! Come on, we can't have that, can we?! This is the kind of stinkin' thinkin' my people are always telling me about. You see something as black when it's white, or white when it's black. It is never what it really is to me, I always have to argue that black is white and white is black, even though I SURELY know that black is black and white is white. It's like I have to forever argue with myself over needless things. I need to give up the struggle. And just let it be. Maybe I need to start listening to the Beatles...Let it be, let it be, let be, let it be....ok, no one wants to hear me sing. Someone come to RI and kick me in the ass, will ya? Or better yet, just grab me through the monitor, fly me through cyberspace, and kick my ass from where you are. UGH, sometimes it is so hard being a compulsive overeater. Sometimes it's so hard being mentally ill. Cuz the combination of both, is way over the top.
Diet Calendar Entry for 18 December 2013:
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2155 kcal
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Fat: 126.40g | Prot: 115.04g | Carb: 155.00g.
Breakfast: Kraft Cracker Cuts Sharp Cheddar, Ritz Honey Wheat Crackers. Lunch: Kraft Cracker Cuts Sharp Cheddar, Ritz Honey Wheat Crackers, Kraft Macaroni & Cheese as Packaged, Hillshire Farm Turkey Polska Kielbasa (2 oz). Dinner: Land O'Lakes Sliced American Cheese, Kraft Miracle Whip Light Dressing, The Deli Counter Genoa Salami, Flatout Flatbread Harvest Wheat. Snacks/Other: Ritz Honey Wheat Crackers. more...
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