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Ok. I am going to take a few minutes to journal before I blow my top. I just got a phone call that has my blood boiling. On the upside, my increased heart rate and inner rage probably has burned off the oatmeal I ate for breakfast. It blows me away how petty and vindictive some people can be towards others. It isn't something personally being done to me, but I am angered at how quickly the person on the other end of my phone line wants to wield his authority over someone far weaker. I need to either calm down or have a punching bag installed in my office so that I can take it out physically. I am attempting to deal with my issues from work better by not carrying them home with me, by not dwelling on things that I view as oppressive to others, by not making so much of it personal. Today, I am failing at it. There are people who are empowered that are nothing more than sadist who look only at their cases as another number rather than real human beings who will have their lives affected by the actions of those with authority. I suppose the only thing good out of this is that I got to tell him "No". But, I know how this will go. Although I have quite a bit more authority, he will find a way to sneak around me, get in the ear of someone with even more authority than I have, and I will stand by helplessly witnessing someone who cannot defend herself be harmed. Then, I will have sleepless nights wondering what I could have done differently and if I just did enough at all. Ya know...one huge source of my frustration is that particular person on the other side of my phone call. Short of rationalizing to myself that I am younger and getting in shape so should be able to eventually outlive him, I feel an overwhelming urge to drive to New Orleans and find the biggest, baddest Voodoo Priestess free me from this thorn in my side. While at the same time I am asking myself, "Does this strike you as an appropriate thought to have about someone?" and "Should you be so worried about something that does not effect you personally?" But, the answer to the latter question is that I just can't separate myself from my overwhelming need to be a moral and good person. I am far from perfect in that aspect. But, I just can't wrap my head around why others don't seem bothered by causing misery to other people who are weaker, uneducated, simple and just, well, pitiful. I try to defend those, even when that really isn't my job at all---in fact, I am tasked to do quite the opposite. And, this is why I struggle so much as a mere cog in the machine. Ok, that rant is out of me. Exhale.....
Happy thoughts: I am thankful I have an immediate family that is in good health and are rather enjoyable to spend time with. I am looking forward to watching varsity football Friday night. I am absolutely committed to doing 400 step ups today as well as getting in my walk/jog mileage. I have pork loin thawing out in the fridge so that I can eat pork loin, butternut squash (Thanks Bella!) and asparagus for dinner.
I got to meet my new health coach via telephone today. My health insurance has this program where you earn points for essentially living a healthy lifestyle. One of the benefits (and things you earn points for) is having a real, live health coach assigned to help you meet your healthy lifestyle goals. It's like therapy for fat kids. I'm down. She will be calling me weekly and setting small goals for me online that will help me work towards the bigger goal of getting to a healthy weight. I will admit that before I started this healthy lifestyle journey I scoffed at the program as another way for "Big Brother" to monitor you, invade your private life and rationalize the rise in your health insurance premiums. But, I'm drinking the Kool-aide now. I suppose part of my motivation is from the point system which is linked to a mall wherein you can use points to earn stuff all the way up to a bicycle. I have a long way to go before I can earn a bike, but I would love to work towards that to use in triathlons. Maybe by the time I earn enough points, I will be healthy enough to actually ride 20 miles consecutively. Ok, I'm cooled down now.... Back to the grindstone. Going to use my lunch hour to knock out my step ups.
Have a wonderful day (I sure am going to try to do so)!
2MC
Diet Calendar Entries for 06 November 2013:
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793 kcal
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Fat: 16.20g | Prot: 64.18g | Carb: 102.95g.
Breakfast: Great Value Maple & Brown Sugar Instant Oatmeal, Butterball Fully Cooked Turkey Bacon. Lunch: Hidden Valley Fat Free Ranch Dressing, Eating Right Peeled Baby-cut Carrots, Sargento Ultra Thin Sliced Provolone Cheese, Deli Turkey or Chicken Breast Meat, EarthGrains 35 Calorie Wheat Bread, Hidden Valley Spicy Chipotle Pepper Sandwich Spread & Dip. Dinner: Butternut Winter Squash, Cooked Asparagus (from Fresh), Pork Chops (Top Loin, Boneless, Lean Only). Snacks/Other: Reichel Foods Sliced Apples & Caramel Dippin' Stix. more...
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2644 kcal
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Activities & Exercise:
Calisthenics (light, e.g. home exercise) - 10 minutes, Walking (exercise) - 3.5/mph - 1 hour and 40 minutes, Sleeping - 22 hours and 10 minutes. more...
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