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EDIT:
After writing my journal and arriving to work, I read about the tragedy in Boston. Wow. What kind of sick a**hole does a thing like this?
I can't help thinking that there has to be FatSecret users, possibly buddies of mine, that were there.
My thoughts, best wishes, and all the empathy in the world goes out to everyone that is affected by this. This is so sad.
END OF EDIT.
Goodmorning.
Wow. I slept SO BAD last night.
Several factors affected this.
The first one was that Wife had bad backaches and kept tossing and turning, getting up, etc. She was super restless, and I felt so bad for her. Having pains is no fun. She has ALL my sympathy in the world on this.
But, of course, it takes away MY sleep too. I woke up SO many times, it's just silly. I am guessing I've slept about 3 hours total.
The other reason was thinking. Not stress. Not about work. But a lot more about my weight loss mission and final goals.
I got an inbox message from my buddy Nimm, who I am really leaning on in my new journey - my work on maintaining weight and getting to put some muscle under all that loose skin of mine.
He was telling me that he has some concerns about my approach - in particular what the Intermittend Fasting is doing to my other numbers. And he's got some good points, that I can clearly see. However, I am SO MUCH in doubt when it comes to changing anything.
Concern #1: Statistics. I am trying to find a level of average calorie intake that equals what I'm burning. I need this number to know what I am doing when it comes to eating right for building muscle. It can be hard to do this when I shift calories drastically from day to day, as my weigh-ins fluctuate like crazy. So there is, as he puts it, a LOT of noise in my stat. And he's absolutely right about it. Of course, me being the nerd that I am, I already have spreadsheets built that'll calculate average weight and bodyfat for both the last week and last month, to help me keep track. But it's a very valid point regardless.
Concern #2: The stress of it all. I am in absolutely new territory here, and it's pretty frightening. There is no scarier thought out there for me than to start re-gaining the weight I have lost. And seeing these wild fluctuations that will naturally come when you shift your RDI by the thousands of calories from day to day, will easily make me think that I am gaining weight, even if I am maybe not. Also, simply eating a LOT of food on a given day will weigh me down significantly, and this shows "bad" numbers.
Concern #3: Partitioning. This is one that I never thought of. When I eat the excessive calories on certain days - maybe actually just on Indulgence Day - is my body really able to handle all the calories? Will it convert to fat in "the right way" that I want it to? I am no expert on this, and Nimm says he isn't either. However, it's a very valid point. Do two days of 600 calories really compensate enough for the really high cal days?
...and I'd like to add a Concern #4 on my own account: General wellbeing. The days I have had of 2675 calories, I have gone to bed STUFFED beyond comfort. I really don't see myself keeping up with to many calories. I don't see myself going to bed with this feeling for life, or simply getting used to eating all this.
That's a lot to think about, and what I spent time on most of last night, not being able to sleep.
So, what to do? Right now, I don't know.
I weighed in this morning, and I am up a full kilo since yesterday. It's understandable, eating a lot after having a 600 cal day the day before - that's gonna give me a climb in weight. But what surprised me is that I didn't get an error on the fatpercentage. It's almost at 7! This isn't bad, but it's surprising. Normally, when there is a weight gain, the fat goes down, as it's a percentage of the current weight. It's natural that it goes down. So, this indicates that it's an actual fat gain and not just "food processing". I don't like that at all, but I do understand that this is needed for me to build the muscle.
I am honestly not sure I am ready for that just yet. I am honestly not sure what to do about it.
When Nimm says that I seem to stress a lot over it, I have to both agree and disagree. I don't STRESS. But I do overthink things. I spend a LOT of time on it. I dedicate, and that can be killer for, in a bad way. I am way out of my comfort zone doing this new chapter, and that is stressfull, whether it's diet related or otherwise.
The days where I have actually felt best through these last weeks have been on my 600 calorie days. How ironic is that? Obviously, I can't keep doing that, and I don't want to. A day here and there is just perfect. Everyday is never ever an option again.
But those other days of stuffing my face are SO uncomfortable.
I REALLY want the health benefits that are thought to come from Intermittend Fasting. My father died with Alzheimer's, and my moms side of the family has diabetes running crazy. I really would like to skip on all this if I can.
So what do I do?
Well, what has been calling me in my mind is this - but it is definitely a compromise:
Two days of 600 calories.
One Indulgence Day, a little lower than what I set it to, let's say 3000 calories instead of 3500.
The other four days - No fixed number. I'd put a max number of 2600 as I have it now, so I am sure I don't go higher than what I'm doing now, but drop my obligation of actually reaching it. I'll try to get in touch with my hunger instead, and eat when I'm hungry, eat what I feel I want to eat, eat consciously and finish when I think I'm full. Also, avoid sugar.
I would still track all foods to know what I am doing.
Now, this would probably result in a reasonable weight maintenance, or weight loss, I'd guess. But - it would NOT be beneficial for me to build more serious muscle. Sigh. It's in no way optimal.
...
The other option would be to skip the Intermittend Fasting for now. Even out all the numbers. If I am going for maintenance level of calories, I will have more than plenty to eat still, I think.
To pick up where I already am, I'd have to start off at 2200 calories. I'd have to skip both the 600 days and Indulgence Day and see where I go from there.
I really like having both. The 600 cal days makes me feel great, and Indulgence Day keeps me sane.
...
This is what I will be pondering on throughout the day. I need to make a decision on this.
Trouble is, if I go with option one, then today is a 600 day. If I go with option two, then it's not. What do I eat while I decide? LOL. If I go with option two, then I need 2400 calories every day the rest of the week. The drop from 2675 to 2400 is not big at all, and it will already be a challenge to reach on a daily basis.
...
Honestly, I am thinking that I am simply not ready for such a drastic calorie increase. As hard as it is to admit, I don't think I can handle that much every day. Not if it becomes a GOAL to reach it.
...
I think what I need to do is simply remain "good" for a little while, getting used to the idea. My mind is very set on having 600 calorie days. When I did my three week 600 cal marathon I felt better than I have in a LONG time.
I think that for right now - and I might change my opinion before the end of the day on this - I need to decide that I have to go with option one.
I will set it up as this, for now:
Max calorie intake will be an average of 2200 per day - which is 15400 per week, spread like this:
Sunday: 600.
Monday: UP TO 2675, but with no demand to reach it.
Tuesday: 600.
Wed/Thu/Fri: UP TO 2675, but with no demand to reach it.
Saturday: 3000. I have lowered it 500.
I will do my best to avoid sugars on all days but Saturday. Saturday will be the day where I can relax, have a little extra of the "fun stuff".
All other days has to have much more reasonable food choices. Urge for candy can be fixed with a protein bar.
...
So, today will be a 600 cal day. I have started it off with a protein shake, and I am perfectly full. Hell, I was full when I woke up. I basically had the shake to get my metabolism going.
For lunch I will have a chunk of my famous 81 calorie soup, and I will go buy a pita with ham for dinner, before I go rockin' with the kids.
Today is the last day of teaching the class for this season, and I'm gonna miss it. Then again, I have so many things I dedicate to these days, an extra day at home won't exactly hurt me. :)
...
Today, I am thankful for:
- Starting the day off full and satisfied on a 600 cal day. It'll be pretty easy stuff to do today.
- Morning coffee. BOY, do I need it.
- Rockin' with the kids!
- The walk that I'm about to go on, in about 5 minutes! I really like these morning walks. They're good for thinking, and I really need that today.
Happy Tuesday! Life is good!
EDIT:
Hmmm... reading my journal back it kind of sounds like I am just abandoning everything. Please rest assured that I am not. I simply can't eat all that food, and I really don't want to lose my 600 cal days. I think - also after having pondered a little more on my walk today - that I will stick to the plan I have made, but put a reasonable attempt into REACHING the calorie goals, just with the use of protein powders and bars etc. This should helpt me get more calories in and not feel as uncomfortably full. This might help.
Also, I realized on my walk that I have only had ONE Saturday weigh-in (these are my traditional weekly "low" weigh-in, and the one I turn to get a larger view of my progress) through this part of the journey, so I really don't have much to compare with. The stats on that was:
Friday before I started on this part of the journey - and the day of my surgeon's appointment: 82.9 kilos. Then I started the maintenance part, with two 600 cal days and a spike day (that went a little nuts) and this resultet in a Saturday weigh-in of 85.3 kilos. I am then 2.4 kilos up in that week.
This number is in no way useful though. I went from three weeks of 600 calories per day, and clearly I don't have much food processing in my body at this point. Also, I had two days of MASSIVE drops (we're talking kilos!) up to the 82.9 weigh-in. It was nice to see, but obviously fluctuation.
I can't really estimate where I am until I am a little further.
So, to adjust this...
I will go with the original plan, stick to my calorie goals for another week, see what happens. I hate that it will potentially affect my fat%, but hey - it's frickin' 6.8. It's not like it's gonna kill me to go higher. I'll give it a little more time, and then evaluate. It's simply too early.
That being said, I will also take a little time to ponder further upon Nimm's suggestions and concerns. They're still very valid ones. I take them close to heart, but I have a hard time seeing how to get around them and still get the benefits that are overall more important to me.
Also, it's not a LOT of calories that I am really working with. What makes it radical is that I shift them around to obtain the two 600 calorie days. My daily average (over the course of a week) is 2200 calories. Both the scale at my fitness center and the one at home indicates that my RMR is around 2100. I definitely burn more than 2200 per day, with a minimum of 5 kilometers walked daily, plus workouts, standing/walking at work all day and what have you. I think the gain I see is mainly from more food in my system. Essentially, I am 7 kilos lighter than I was a month ago. What makes it scary looking is that I have been even lighter - but that was of course after three weeks of starving myself. :) The more I think about it, the more comfortable I get with sticking to plan for now. Let's see what happens before I change anything.
END OF EDIT.
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190.9 lb
Lost so far: 150.8 lb.
Still to go: 3.5 lb.
Diet followed 100%.
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gaining 17.0 lb a week
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