suechru's Journal, 17 August 2010

It's so weird how my cravings have changed in the last month. I used to crave fried greasy things.

What I've been craving for the last 24 hours is eggplant. My grilled eggplant parm to be exact. I had planned to cook it last night but without power it really wasn't going to happen. I currently have it baking in the oven although I'm disappointed that I was out of my homemade sauce and had to substitute bottled stuff. I threw extra green peppers in to make up for it. Mmm, green peppers, that's another thing I freaking adore these days. I didn't realize how good fresh green peppers are. There's just this great flavor to a fresh green pepper. I've decided that since I don't eat dinner early that I DO need a post-work snack and that salsa I made last week is fitting the bill nicely. I get really excited to have my salsa when I come home.

Started the 30 Day Challenge on EA Sports Active today, I feel like it started me off too easy compared to what I did yesterday so I added some extra stuff from that and the wii fit. I tried advanced hula hoop after lunges and squats which really was NOT a good idea, lol. I changed to yoga stretches after that.

I'm almost at 20 lbs lost as of this morning. I'm really excited about that and excited that it's only 5.8 more lbs until I reach goal #1 and get my new iPod.

I find my job oddly motivating to work out. I should explain that I work in clinical trials for diabetes drugs. I kind of got sad and scared yesterday when I realized several of the patients in the trial actually have lower BMIs than I do. No, I know that's not the best measure of health but it's a major wakeup call to me and a nice daily motivator to make me keep taking the stairs instead of the elevator no matter WHAT shoes I wear. (Yes, I climb to the 4th floor in heels.)

I'm currently reading Don't Eat this Book, the follow book to Supersize Me which I recently saw AGAIN on Netflix. I admit that I pretty much lived off fast food over the past few years, particularly at times I was too tired/depressed/etc to cook or just didn't want to and it obviously did nothing good to me. I'm just kind of repulsed at the chemicals and crap that I put into my body for so long.

Frankly, I was horrible to my body for a long time - I had a period of bulimia, self-injury back in my early-mid 20s and a bunch of other crap. The fact that my body functions at all amazes me. I remember saying once to a friend that my body is my enemy and at the time I meant it.

The war is over.

I declare it so, here, today. The war against my body is over. There will be no more attacks on my physical self from me or anyone else. I will not pump myself full of nothing but caffeine and a handful of pretzels. I will not attack and violate myself. I deserve better than that. I AM better than that.

I got a second chance in the last few years and I am determined to make the most of it. I spent most of the last two years getting mentally healthy and now it's time to be physically healthy too.

That's why I'm doing this. I don't give a shit what size dress I wear or pants. I don't care what the label says or whether you can count my ribs through my shirt. I want to be strong, I want to be healthy and I want to feel as good physically as I do mentally.

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1446 kcal

Fat: 36.65g | Prot: 88.75g | Carb: 206.90g.   Breakfast: Greek Style Nonfat Yogurt - Honey, No Calorie Sweetener Packets, Cream (Half & Half), Coffee, Grapes. Lunch: Red Delicious Apples, Organic 100% Whole Wheat Pita Pocket, Low Salt Deli Sliced Ham, Diet Dr. Pepper, Dijon Mustard, Rold Gold Pretzel Sticks, Cheddar or American Cheese (Fat Free, Pasteurized). Dinner: water, green pepper, part skim mozzarella, bertolli wine marinara, eggplant. Snacks/Other: nectarine, water, tostitos scoops baked, salsa, Bottled Water. more...

3870 kcal

Activities & Exercise: Wii Fit Plus - 11 minutes, EA Sports Active - 28 minutes, Calisthenics (light, e.g. home exercise) - 10 minutes, Sitting - 30 minutes, Desk Work - 8 hours and 30 minutes, Housework - 1 hour and 15 minutes, Driving - 15 minutes, Sleeping - 6 hours, Resting - 6 hours and 41 minutes. more...