gramnbear's Journal, 23 June 2008

I'll try to keep it positive, but I'm not feeling positive at all. I haven't written much because I have a family challenge to deal with. My 36 year old son who lives in Seattle emailed us that his girlfriend has decided to break up with him because he has been depressed and made the mistake of turning to alcohol to feel better. He knew he was an alcoholic several years ago but got sober and said "never again." But then he figured it was only the hard stuff that bothered him, and he could safely drink beer. That was about five years ago. When THAT girlfriend left him because of the drinking of beer, he ended up at her apartment pleading with her (having driven himself across Phoenix in that state!) and when she wouldn't open the door, he broke out the picture window. She called the police, and he went to jail. So, once again, he quit and said "no more." Then when our youngest son visited this son in Seattle, he found that there was a lot of drinking going on again, and the youngest decided not to move to Seattle because he didn't want to be part of the decline of his brother. Now this. The positive part -- I guess -- is that he is willing to go to a doctor for help. We had actually determined when he was in high school that he, like my husband, was clinically depressed, and I had thought he was still taking antidepressants. But he changed jobs recently and lost his health insurance, so that was when he quit taking them. Now we have told him we will pay for the health insurance to help him get back on an even keel.

He's so far away and I feel very helpless. But I have to realize that even if he were right next door, there is little I could do. He's the one who has to do it and then stick to it this time. He was worried we would be angry with his girlfriend, but instead I want to email her to thank her for giving him a wake-up call. It could save his life. She's a wonderful girl, and we were looking forward to the day she would become part of our family. I am still hopeful she will reconsider if he turns himself around.

I'm sorry, I don't seem to have been positive at all! I have to remember to be thankful that he turned to us for help instead of quietly going down the tubes or hurting himself. I used to turn to food for solice, but I'm happy to say this has the effect of killing any appetite I have and it has been easy to stick to my program -- been eating some fresh apricots off my tree, though! Love you guys. thanks for listening.