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kandi kernan's Journal

 
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11 November 2007


OKAY, SO I HAVE TO COME CLEAN...IF I KEEP HIDING HOW WILL I GET FREE?
I CHEATED! WAAAH! OVER THE WEEKEND I MADE THOSE STINKING BROWNIES AND ATE ONE!
THEEEN! I HAD CRACKERS WITH MY CHILI!
THEEEN! I HAD ABOUT 25-30 NACHO CHIPS!(BUT I DIDN'T EAT THE TORTILLAS)
THEEEEN! I ATE A CHEESEBURGER, SMALL FRY AND ONION RINGS!
WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME! I WAS DOING SOOOO GOOD!
WELL I WEIGH MYSELF TOMORROW ONLY GOD KNOWS IF(ACTUALLY, HOW MUCH) I TOTALLY SCREWED MYSELF UP!
I JUST WANT TO APOLOGIZE TO ALL Y'ALL WHO ARE SOOOO SUPPORTIVE THAT HAVE BEEN ENCOURAGING ME!
I AM GONNA KEEP KEEPING ON BUT ...WOW, THIS IS BAD.
I MEAN I WENT 4 DAYS--NO CHEATS! I WANTED TO WRITE, PER CHANCE ANYONE READ THIS ...I AM COMING CLEAN. I REALLY LIKE THIS SITE AND I WANT TO BE ACCOUNTABLE FOR WHAT I HAVE PUT IN MY MOUTH..I DON'T WANT TO HIDE AND THEN EVENTUALLY FADE OUT OF YOUR SIGHT AND MIND.
IT'S REALLY KINDA SAD TO THINK THAT WE CAN BE SO BOUND UP BY HABITS AND OLD MINDSETS THAT WE CAN'T PUT THE FORK DOWN.
SURE, I KNOW IT COULD HAVE BEEN WORSE! I COULD OF HAD 4 BROWNIES AND DOUBLE CHEESE BURGER, A BUTT LOAD OF CRACKERS, I COULD HAVE REEEALLY DONE SOME DAMAGE. BUT I HATE THAT I MAY HAVE SABATOGED THE 4 GREAT DAYS I HAD!
I MEAN, I HAVE TO GO ONTO PHASE 2 AFTER A WEEK! BUT I HAVE TO GET THROUGH PHASE 1! AAAHHHH! I HAVE TO REMIND MYSELF IT'S NOT HARD AND I HAVE A CHOICE-

08 November 2007

07 November 2007

Well, another good day! I am counting my small victories as someone here told me to do. That meant so much to me. Rejoicing in the small things and every success...

Well I STIILLLL haven't gone to the "Y" baad baad bad! BUT I AM FRIDAAAAAAAY! LOL Tomorrow I told someone I would babysit and clean their house for some $$$ so that should be a workout in itself!

I am determined to get that active lifestyle back and it will come.
I am so grateful for the new friends and support I have gained in the last few days. It has been such a blessing.

I can't wait to weigh in Monday and see my progress recorded on this site...so cool.:)

This evening I felt like I wanted something sweet but I am so thankful that the urge wasn't great. I had a weightwatchers yogurt (Amaretto Cheesecake) which satisfied me pretty well.

Well I am looking forward to a healthy active life. I have to say the idea that I may not be able to stick with this is fading and I am so glad. I hate the feeling that failing presents.

06 November 2007

Wow, day 2! This site has been amazing to me...what a wonderful network of people. I feel so encouraged!
I did very well in my eating yesterday and today so far. I went to the grocery with my girlfriend who is on this with me,and bought some good food and healthy snacks.

So far today I have had:
2-boiled eggs
3oz chicken breast
1%Milk with sugar free chocolate syrup
soy nuts (probably a 1/2 cup!)
1-Mozzarella stick
2-slices of peppered Turkey Breast

I think tonight I will make Homemade chicken soup with basil, mushrooms,onions,celery and zuchinni!(something like that!)LOL

I forgot that on this diet when I did it before, I would have HUNGRY days and some days I just wasn't extremely hungry. Today is a GOOD not-so-hungry DAY!
Cutting out sweets and starches helps SO much! I am not craving them and my blood sugar isn't bottoming out!
I STILL have to get ON THAT treadmill! I was supposed to go to the "Y" today but I didn't make IT! I walked WALMART does THAT COUNT???LOL

05 November 2007

I knew in August before I went to The Biggest Loser season 5 open casting call that when I came back I had to change my life. In no way was I going to be a hypocrite and tell those people,"IM READY, IM READY" And come home the same. It was emotional when I talked to my husband about this. He has been so supportive. When I came home he let me get a family membership to the YMCA. I was so excited. Well to make a long adventure and story short. I found out last week that they chose the cast and my brother and I weren't chosen. I had found out that last season the contestants didn't know anything until March and I told my husband,"I can't wait that long, I HAVE to get healthy NOW"
I have to say I was so surprised how bummed out I was. It took me 3 days to come out of that FUNK! Yowch!
Anyway, I had decided that i was just going to do the weight watchers thing this week. Then one of my close friends called me this morning after she found out I didn't make the show and was like,"I want to help you" I knew she really wanted to but I told her,"It all comes down to me, you can call me and encourage me but ultimately I HAVE to do this" We got to talking about The south beach diet. I told her that I was on it before and how I really liked it. I like the HEALTH aspect of it. She wanted to do it too. So she came over today and I sat with her and talked with her about it. I am excited that she is doing this too!
I have to say I am still emotional today though...I hate it! Arrrg! I just know I have a long way and the road may not be easy. We all want the EASY way! If only there WAS an EASY BUTTON FOR THIS!
You know, focus, determination, SWEAT, Goals...I have never been a real goal setter so this will be different.
Anyway..HERE WE GO!! Tomorrow I go to the "Y"

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