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Weight History
showing entries 11 to 15 of 42
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01 March 2019
I did all the wrong things last night and ignored everything I know. My trip to India is 4 days away and I have all sorts of anxiety about whether or not I'll actually be able to get on the plane this time. I'm anxious about getting all my work done before I leave right as things are starting to get busy. I'm anxious about the impending move out date of my ex and how much I'm going to miss him and "us" when he's gone.
So I ate my feelings last night. I ordered cheesy bread and buffalo chicken bites and chocolate lava cake from Domino's and ate almost the entire order in one sitting. I feel heavy and angry at myself. I know better than that! As punishment, I'm not eating anything today.
And yes, I know that all of this is ridiculously unhealthy and I need to be gentle with myself and blah blah, but I am so close to my stress breaking point and I've been working so hard on so many things and been so strong...and I just don't want to do it anymore. I don't want to be present and grow through the pain. I want to hit fast forward and be done with this pergatory. I want to hit my goal weight NOW. I don't want to be strong all by myself anymore. That's the benefit of having a partner, right? Sharing the load together. But I don't have that right now and, to be honest, I haven't had that for awhile even when we were together. I have to keep reminding myself that this is the right thing to do, and this to shall pass, and it's ok not to be perfect all the time.
This is the last push. I'm so close to the finish line, but so incredibly exhausted. I can do this....right?
(10 comments)
28 February 2019
Final weight for February 🙌 I'm proud of myself for staying focused despite the emotional strain that is my current life.
I'm grateful that this month is over. I'm grateful that I have the house to myself through Sunday. I'm grateful I'm going to be in India for two weeks. I'm grateful that when I come back, there's only a few more days my former boyfriend will be in this house before moving out. I just want to be done with this pergatory of flipping back and forth between being so angry at him for not keeping his promises and being so sad that the life we built together is in ruins around us.
For now, I'm going to be extra gentle with myself, spend a little more time in yoga this morning and then work out my feelings by shoveling the driveway. Who knows, maybe that will get me one step closer to being 190 for India. 🤷
Weigh-in:
193.3 lb
lost so far:
22.7 lb
still to go:
48.3 lb
Diet followed reasonably well
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losing 2.1 lb a week
27 February 2019
so excited to eat right now. I jjst want to eat alllll the things!
(3 comments)
26 February 2019
brown rice, ground chicken and roasted brussel sprouts. sooooo good!
(1 comment)
25 February 2019
This week, I'm focusing on building up my core. I've struggled with back pain for many years, mostly from working in construction and landscaping during high school and college, and I'm hoping to decrease low-back pain by strengthening my abdominals and being aware of posture. I also started going to the chiropractor again. As I become more active, I want to make sure I'm taking care of my body and not creating unnecessary stress to my muscles and joints by pushing to hard too soon.
So, I'll continue with daily yoga and hiking on the weekends... although, I do want to start bumping up my cardio during the week. I miss boxing and HIIT. I miss sweating!
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