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08 October 2022

01 October 2022

17 February 2021

09 February 2021

It must be the day

The need to write is overwhelming, out with the feelings.
I don't know if it is pandemic depression, SAD or stress, I am feeling awful today.
Looking at my journal, exactly a year ago it was not any better though we were at the verge of the pandemic. Difference to then - I am not compensating with food!

The day started off with a meeting with my boss that did not go too well. Well, she is not angry or anything like that but at one point I am not meeting expectations. I know it is my weakest spot and have no clue how to change it.

And the thought comes - I should not complain! I have a job, I am healthy, so what's the issue? A combination of little things!

Great I have a job, a job that is overwhelming at times. I am living by myself, pretty much isolated since March last year. Who said this year is going to be better? It did not start off that way!
Tendency is to isolate myself even more. Don't want to go anywhere (and where would one go right now?), will be alone anyway, so why bother.

Exercise - everyone tells me to exercise, it improves so many things.
It is beyond my strengt after a stressful day at work to hit the treadmill, not to talk about any other thing you could do at home.
I made an attempt a while ago and started with beginner's yoga around 9.30/10 am but my calendar and all the things I have to take care of shifted. Gone is the yoga. I forget time and before I know it it is noon and I am starving and frustrated. After work I am so exhausted that all I want to do is hit my recliner and sleep.

The thought this morning- I wish I could retire - does not help. Pretty far away from it and what then? Well, I can't retire now anyway. Another job - tried, no chance.

"Take a day at a time" is something I often see. What good does it do if there is no future?

31 January 2021

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