HerStrawberri's Journal

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07 June 2012

I've FINALLY broke 247. I swear I thought it would never happen!! I'm moving forward and NOT looking back!!

Weigh-in: 245.0 lb

lost so far: 130.0 lb

still to go: 60.0 lb

Diet followed reasonably well

(3 comments) losing 0.7 lb a week

22 May 2012

"Love Yourself". That's what we are told to do. I post all of these motivational pics on FB about it. But do I listen to my own words? NOPE.

I'm having serious body image issues. I've always had them, but they seem to be really bad right now. I guess it started with the dreaded clothes shopping. I know it prob sounds stupid to some of you, and maybe in the big scheme of things it is....but these are MY issues, so that makes them IMPORTANT. Anyway, I've decided to really try and change my way of thinking.

I have lost 128lbs. I have gone from a tight 24, to a size 18. i should be celebrating that instead of focusing on how fat I still think i am. What happens when i get to my goal weight? Will I be happy THEN? What if I'm not and I keep going...I'm a tall girl...i can't go much lower then what my goal weight is without looking like a crackhead. I'm scared it will never be enough.

I need to be able to look into the mirror and really LOVE what I see. I pick myself apart horribly. My fat roll, my flappers, ( which is what I call my arms due to excess skin hanging) my dropping boobies, my thighs that could be more defined, ....and I could go on and on. THAT on top of what i say about my weight is not good for my inner soul. AND I KNOW THIS. =(

My goal for the summer is to embrace myself in all of it's imperfect glory. I need to stand naked in front of the mirror and tell myself 5 things that are positive and loving. I need to do things for myself that make me FEEL pretty. I need to STOP HATING MYSELF!!!!

Depression doesn't help...in fact it's like this evil voice inside my head that keeps attacking the GOOD I'm trying to do. BUT, right now at least, I'm winning the fight. I can't say I will always be victorious...but for now...I AM!! I'M A WARRIOR!!!

I recently told someone that I haven't really talked too since HIGH SCHOOL how much I used to weigh. 375. I felt empowered saying that number. It's such an ugly number, but it's MY number and I have to LOVE that number if I'm ever going to love the number I have now. Or when I reach my goal. besides, it's JUST A NUMBER and I'm SO MUCH MORE THAN THAT!

This summer is going to be the summer I REALLY learn that it's OK to be me. That if I open myself up a little, people will STILL love me. I have a scared little girl inside that needs to know that she is loved for all that she is. Imperfections and all. The only person that can do that...is ME.

(6 comments)

19 May 2012

Weigh-in: 247.0 lb

lost so far: 128.0 lb

still to go: 62.0 lb

Diet followed reasonably well

add comment losing 1.0 lb a week

18 May 2012

School is OVER!!! YAY for summer vacay!! =) I really think it's so cool I can say that. =) yesterday was my last day and I'm in need for a break. This last month of school has been C-R-A-Z-Y!

My weight has been holding steady. I didn't eat well this past week, not that I had bad food...just not alot of food in general and TOM is here so I'm bloated. No gain though, so I will take that. =)

Monday I'm going back to my 'summer' schedule AND going back to the gym. I'm SO excited!!!

Short one today. I hope everyone has a great and healthy weekend!

(2 comments)

13 May 2012

i went shopping today because I REALLY need clothes. I was sorta excited and scared all at the same time. WELL, it sucked. TOTALLY. I feel so completely FAT. All it did was remind me how freaking fat i still am. =(

Good thing that came out of it? I'm now in an 18. THAT didn't even make me happy. I know I need to get over this mental block.....but it's hard. ::sigh:: =(

(15 comments)

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