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04 September 2012

29 May 2012

23 September 2010

I have totally gone backward. So disappointed. Got back from a a very hard two weeks, and felt emotionally and physically drained. Did what I could with exercise, but didn't do much the first week back as all I wanted to do was sleep--- total mope train-energy drain. Didn't gain weight at all while I was gone because I didn't have time to eat!'

Then when I finally got my act together, I was soooo behind in work and now I am working so hard to catch up. Not exercising, not watching my diet, just doing the same'ol same 'ol of working and stuffing my face when I was hungry while working.

I'm supposed to be forgiving of myself, but really, I could just kick my own ass right now. All I care about is catching up with work and nothing else matters. It is my livelyhood so I get why I have to catch-up, and if that means working all waking hours for the next few weeks, then that's fine. I just don't know how to fit in eating right and exercising into this. Emotionally, I feel like working out and fixing healthy meals gets in my way due to the time it takes, even though I know logically, that can't be right.

What is my problem?! I am all bent out of shape and not easy to be around right now, and I have a package of zingers waiting for me in the kitchen to soothe during a work break. GRRR! Evil of me.

I keep thinking once I catch up, I'll have time to focus on myself again. It's a strange survival workaholic mode that I am in and I need to figure out a healthier way to deal with this. (the fact I took time out to even write this journal surprises me)

I was so happy because people were telling me they could see my weightloss, and even my mother told me that she thought I was beautiful (even though I still have plenty of weight to lose), but I am sabatoging it and have gained 2 pounds already. Gack!

Obviously working like a freak doesn't help in the long run,and I HAVE to find a balance even while I am catching up otherwise I will be back where I started and starting was the hardest part! The other issue is I am an admitted emotional eater, and so if I am stressed about not getting everything done---need to make $$ to live, then I will eat sweets and things that make me feel comfort. So while I am taking a break from work, I feel anxious--- hence desire to comfort eat.

I am torn between getting my business back in order(as it pays the bills)and taking time to exercise and cook/eat right. I know I will get back to a healthy start, it's just I worry how far I will digress before I get back!

Oye!

15 September 2010

01 September 2010

2 more pounds lost!! Yippee!!! But geesh,it took a longer this time due to falling off the wagon a couple of times and getting crazy busy for a few days and not sticking to my routine, but I did pick myself back up after and restart. I had to restart a couple of times, but that's okay.

I'm so excited. DH said we'll throw a little party when I reach 20 pounds. That will be fun--- ALL healthy food of course!

My biggest challenge will be starting on Friday as I have to take over for my folks caregivers for 12 days. My husband will take over my business duties, so I don't have to worry about that.

My brother will be joining me so we can care for my mother and father together. Between laying out clothes for my mother, cooking breakfast, lunch and dinner, doctor's appointments, errands, balancing their checkbook, bills and paperwork, and putting on my "patience" cap for the extreme repetitive issues all day due to both of their memory challenges, I will be up to my eyeballs. I will also have to have my brother hide my mother's chocolate stash from me as I have no control over hershey bars.

I will HAVE to make time for my workout. Thank goodness my brother is healthy and will be very understanding about that.

I may not be able to journal, but I will still enter in my calories and exercise.

It's gonna be a tough couple of weeks especially since I am pretty sure dad may be permanently losing his driver's license as he's getting lost and he forgot what the house looked like the other day according to the caregiver. I can't imagine the DMV passing him...they shouldn't. SO this Monday may be his last driving day. So sad for him..Best for his safety and for the safety of everyone on the road, but so very very sad for him. This will tear him up.

This is when I would normally lean on food, and I know I will be craving terribly because of what my brother and I will be dealing with. (reminds me of the movie "Savages" --sister and brother team caring for their elderly father) ANYWAY...I'm obviously blabbing because of stress, and anxiousness of how I will react, but I will just do my best not to lean on bad foods. I'll keep a doodle pad nearby so I can draw cartoons instead----relaxing. And I'll try to keep healthy snacks for aimless nervous munching.

I'm not sure what else I can do, but plan for the worst, hope for the best and try my best.

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