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Weight History
showing entries 11 to 15 of 189
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05 October 2011
Slowly but surely starting to feel better. Just need to get out of the funk.
I'm starting to get there again. I'm just wallowing in self pity. Now that I recognize it that, I'll pull myself out of it in a couple of days. It's getting easier again. I haven't strayed form my diet, and I'm proud of that. I have been having more and more internal struggles with it right now than is normal. The good thing is that I know myself fairly well, and I know that in a couple of days (a week really) things will feel better. The Vue will be fixed, and money will be tight for a bit because of that....but some of the stress will be gone.
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04 October 2011
I'm trying to get over my little pity party. I'm just focusing on getting stuff ready for our Halloween party at the end of the month. I LOVE Halloween. It's the best holiday in the history of the universe.
Went up a pound as of yesterday..and I can't bring myself to record it. Screw you pound, I dislike you and I'm not talking to you.
(1 comment)
02 October 2011
It's been awhile since I've updated, and that's just cause I've been a little bit to busy. Ok....here we go.
Grandpa is doing alot better. He's off most of his pain meds, and he does realize that there is a very long road to recovery for him. That's good. Last time that I talked to him he sounded more and more like himself...and that made me close to cry because I really thought that this was it for him.
Our Vue broke down. So...about a year ago the sunroof broke. When it broke, the sunroof was stuck about halfway open. For a year. Half way open..yeah. So, over time the damage has done more and more and now Michael and I need to magically find $852.76 to fix the car. Awesome. We have a plan in place, so that's good...but it still sucks. Luckily we get to borrow CC and Cassie's car for two weeks until we get the Vue fixed. Just upsets me, ya know? We just fricking got the vapor canister fixed, and now this. I know that the car is an 05, and the previous owner didn't take very good care of it (according to Cory) so I expected to have to pay for some upkeep around now. Just not this much!
Abbie and I are fighting. I don't agree with the way that she takes care of her house, or her kids. Her house seriously lookes like it could be on an episode of Hoarders. She's apart of the Renissance Faire here in St. Louis..and that stuff is everywhere. Total lack of orginazation (I have slight OCD in that area) and it just plain stinks in there. If my house EVER smells like that, beat me upside the head. Smells like dirty litter box and sweat and grossness. And her kids get neglected, alot. All the physical needs are met, just not the emotional ones. And, they're my nephews. So, even though I'm not their mother I still care about them. And for Andrew (he's 13) tell me that he doesn't remember the last time Abbie had dinner with him..it just breaks my heart. So, I talked to her about it. Now she's not talking to me. Sucks.
So, my eating has been off a day or two here or there. I'm trying my hardest to get back on track, but I'm having issues right now. Not sure why....That's not true. I know why. I'm sick and tired of it! Sick and tired of not getting to eat the fried food (I don't care what you say..baked fried chicken doesn't taste the same as fried!), tired of not getting the chocolatey dessert, tired of watching everything that goes in my mouth, tired of it all! I'm sick and tired of it! I want to be healthy, I want to look good for Michael, I want to know what it's like to have the guys stare at you cause you're hot. I really do....but it's so hard to do the work, and the scale doesn't move, and the clothes fit the same as they always did, and.....IT SUCKS! I'm sorry to be all poor poor pitiful me, but it's how I feel. I'm gonna keep trying, but I make mistakes. I fuck up...excuse me for breathing. It's not easy. And, while I know that you guys understand that, my real world friends don't. And it's hard to find my virtual friends when I need a good swift kick, or just someone who understands.
EDIT:
Since I'm in such a crappy mood right now, I'm not gonna comment on anyone's journals for a bit...don't wanna spread the negativity anymore than I already did when I wrote this. I will still be reading though.
(2 comments)
27 September 2011
Yesterday I was really proud of myself. I stayed on track with my food. (and that's alot harder than normal right now for some reason.) And I cleaned our bedroom. We decided to turn off the air because it's gonna stay cool now, with the exception of one or two days here and there. It's so nice to be able to air out the house!
Anyway: I moved our bed, took down the portable air conditioner and put it away, re-made our bed, put up all of the clean clothes, put the dirty clothes in the hamper, moved the end tables to the right spots (have to move them for the air conditioner to fit), and threw away about 2 grocery bags full of trash. Now, I did work on it off and on all day..so this wasn't all at once. But, I'm still proud of the fact that I didn't wait for Michael to get home so that HE could do all the heavy lifting. I did it. I moved my ass off of the sofa and got to work. I also did the dishes, but considering I do those EVERY single morning....I don't really count that! lol.
Today I'm gonna work on the living room. Put all the dvd's up, re-organize the games for the gamecube and the 64 down here. Gonna vacumm too. Tonight Michael is gonna get our Halloween decorations out so tomorrow I can put them up. We don't have alot (yet) because we are getting only one or two things a year that we really like instead of getting stuff just to have it.
I love Halloween. The smell of fall..all of the excitement of it! It's just hard to explain. I think it's funny, cause I hate being scared and I can't stand all of the scary movies that come out, but Halloween is by far my favorite holiday. Can't wait for it!
(2 comments)
24 September 2011
What do you guys do when your really hungry, and you have alot of options to eat, but you shouldn't eat?
Everyone around me is eating, drinking, and having fun. I don't wanna make my issues their issues, so I don't wanna make them stop eating around me. I hate people like that. They are so consumed with themselves and their own struggle that they make other people uncomfortable to eat around.
I'm finding it really hard to stay out of the kitchen and stay away from food. Any ideas on what to do?
(3 comments)
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