HerStrawberri's Journal, 04 January 2014

Life has been really hard the last month and a half. My partners mom passed away, my dad got so sick I thought HE was going to pass away, and now our old man kitty is really sick and we are probably going to have to put him down.

All of this started Nov 21. that night we found my partners mom and she was gone. THAT was one of the most traumatic things I have ever had to go through. I will never forget her face or the sound of Stacy. =(

Since then I have made it my mission to eat whatever has been in front of me...and then some. It has been so hard. When my dad got sick I had to check on him like every hour to make sure he was still breathing as I thought he was going to die too. And now our cat, which is like our child.

I'm trying really hard to get back to some kind of normal. It just seems every time I attempt to get back to 'something resembling normal' something happens and we get kicked back down.

We are prob going to have to put our cat down in the next few days. I'm trying to make peace with that but it's been hard. I have had this cat for a very long time. he is really old though, and he has had a very good life filled with lots of love.....as every animal should. I will miss him. My heart is breaking just typing this.

Needless to say my weight has ballooned right back up. I saw 262 on the scale the other day and about died. I have to stop hurting myself with food. It's not going to make any of these things happening any easier and it's not going to stop the hurt or pain...contrary to what I think when I eat the food.

I know I don't come here very often anymore and when I do, I rarely comment or blog. I DO read what you guys have written though. I've been spending most of my time on MFP. It's really becoming more of a social site though. I was really surprised to see the changes here.

I'm just going to do what I always do. Just pick myself up and move forward. I WILL see my goal this year. I have been fighting for this for way to long. I WILl figure out my emotional eating. Right now, I just have to make it through this and....well, just start living again. I feel like in stuck in this.....sad, sad hole.
259.0 lb Lost so far: 116.0 lb.    Still to go: 74.0 lb.    Diet followed reasonably well.
on diet HerStrawberri's own diet   gaining 4.2 lb a week

2 Supporters    Support   

I'm really sorry...Take care of you...It will get better. Really. 
04 Jan 14 by member: newnormal
(Hopefully) without being too cliched, everyday is a new start. I am sorry you are going through a rough patch right now. I am glad though that you aren't alone/ isolating yourself. Take care!  
04 Jan 14 by member: MrsTofu
I'm with you on the emotional eating. The important thing is that you recognize it; then it's way easier to do something about it. I think I don't recognize my depression in the midst of getting on through life day by day. You can do this, Dawn. I have no doubt. 
05 Jan 14 by member: Helewis
Thanks ladies. I'm taking it day by day. I figure if I keep making myself log my food, even when it's not good, and exercise....it will stick sooner or later. Right?? LOL 
07 Jan 14 by member: HerStrawberri
Hi Dawn. I haven't been on here in a long while but thought I'd check up on you. Oh girl. I just lost my kitty of 18 1/2 years in Feb. It's so very difficult and sad. I knew we had to put her down but I put it off. The guilt - I thought how do I know she's better off being put down? Anyway, it was a Friday and I decided that's it - Monday I will have to take her in. She passed away that night. A last gift she gave me - to spare me the guilt of making the decision. As far as the emotional eating - it's understandable. Have you sought therapy for that? I mean by someone that specializes in weight issue? A friend of mine did and she finally dropped over 200 lbs. She made the decision to seek therapy when she had a gastric sleeve operation done and didn't lose weight. She knew the issues were more than appetite. It's just a suggestion - I hope you don't take offense. I know you've been very successful so far anyway! Best of luck to you and I'm so sorry to hear about your MIL and I hope your dad is doing better, as well. 
30 Mar 14 by member: redwinelover


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