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Today would have been my best friend's 76th birthday. She died in 2018, and I have a lot of mixed feelings about it. Sadness, because in the last few months of her life, her mind was slipping away from the ravages of smoking and cancer and we couldn't communicate like we had in the past. Guilt, because of other circumstances in my own life that kept me from helping her as much as she needed in those last few months. And a little resentment, because her kids probably thought I was a bad friend. But I'm probably projecting my own feelings of having failed her. 2018 was a really, really bad year with 3 deaths of loved ones. I thought, is this the new normal? But 2019 has been okay so far. I feel a little superstitious about even acknowledging that.
I haven't been as introspective as I used to be. I feel anguish when I analyze how things really are in my own marriage and I've sworn off thinking about it to prevent conflict. Mr C is very nice to me but he doesn't like to talk about feelings. So we don't anymore.
Weight loss is stalled out, probably due to too many carbs. Gotta make time for the gym this afternoon.
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201.2 lb
Lost so far: 10.8 lb.
Still to go: 51.2 lb.
Diet followed reasonably well.
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Diet Calendar Entry for 22 August 2019:
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1235 kcal
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Fat: 40.67g | Prot: 98.09g | Carb: 128.47g.
Breakfast: Coffee with Milk, Kirkland Signature Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Protein Bar. Lunch: White Rice (Short-Grain, Cooked), Shrimp Gumbo. Dinner: Olive Oil, Ken's Steak House Lite Balsamic Vinaigrette Dressing, Asparagus, Tomatoes, Calavo Avocado, Costco New York Strip Steak. Snacks/Other: Sweet Cherries, Mayfield Fudge Stix Fat Free (46g). more...
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losing 4.2 lb a week
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