katies71's Journal, 12 February 2019

Well for some reason I have a drop today but...it will surely come back tomorrow because I ate everything in the house yesterday. I'm not sure why I got so hungry. And it was actual hunger...I tried drinking first. I thought maybe I was bored of just having water to drink so I drank some other things. I tried eating one of my keto-ish snacks (low carb but high fat). I drank my broth.

Nothing worked (at least not for long), my stomach was actually growling and rumbling. And so I ate...and ate...and ate. I ate more calories yesterday than I have for a long time. 2449 on Dec 14th...that is the last time I came close to what I ate yesterday. I think I blame the 3 glasses of apple cider lol. I had to drink 2 for TMI reasons and then ended up drinking another later. Apple cider works when nothing else does and I was getting uncomfortable. So I drank them, it worked, and then I was starving all day long.

I'm not truly beating myself up over this...I'm just cranky, and sad, and whining a little, but mostly disappointed in myself. I don't know why I can't just eat better in smaller amounts. This is stupid! And I hate it...but I can't quit. I can't go back to where I was. I will literally die...actual facts not hyperbole...I will die. And I've discovered that I'm not as ready to die as I thought. I want to live for the first time in a while. I'm excited about this. I want to get back to my old self again...well at least as close to it as I can get. I know that a lot of my meds will have to stay but...I don't mind hiking with a rescue inhaler...as long as I can hike again. I don't mind taking it along when I go camping...real camping mind you not this blankety-blank yurt crap. I can do that! I just want to go camping again. I want to be back outside and living again.

But I hate this weakness. I hate not having any willpower. I hate doing something mindlessly and then realizing that I'm surrounded by the remnants of almost 2600 calories. I logged it all but wow...very disappointing.
290.7 lb Lost so far: 42.3 lb.    Still to go: 90.7 lb.    Diet followed poorly.

Diet Calendar Entries for 12 February 2019:
1115 kcal Fat: 61.10g | Prot: 49.82g | Carb: 93.10g.   Breakfast: Cream of Broccoli. Lunch: Colby Jack Cheese. Dinner: Colby Jack Cheese, Roast Beef, Lay's Classic Potato Chips (28.3g), Grapes (Red or Green, European Type Varieties Such As Thompson Seedless). Snacks/Other: Water, Great Value Peppermint Starlight Mints, Vitafusion MultiVites Gummy Vitamins, JFC kappo dashi. more...
4089 kcal Activities & Exercise: Sitting - 11 hours, Walking (slow) - 2/mph - 1 hour and 53 minutes, Housework - 5 minutes, Resting - 2 hours and 12 minutes, Sleeping - 8 hours and 50 minutes. more...
losing 4.2 lb a week

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Comments 
Forgive yourself and move on. I don't know your heart and mind, of course, but I think true hunger can sometimes be just that - true hunger - and have little or nothing to do with willpower or weakness. I was feeling really hungry Sunday - esp when my blood sugar spiked up to 185 - I don't know what caused it either. I 'try' when those things happen to grab a head of iceberg lettuce and dip it bit by bit into mustard. I feel the crunch, it feels like eating, and I get a small reprieve while I truly try to figure out hunger. The hardest thing to 'not' do is go 'well, I've already blown my RDI for the day so let's just go big or go home.' I force myself to sit and think 'well, that happened. Move on'. It's a day by day process to reteach ourselves and replace the habits that haven't helped us with habits that do.  
12 Feb 19 by member: FullaBella
This is cause by deprivation of certain macro and or a severe calorie deficit  
12 Feb 19 by member: rosio19
Hopefully you can figure things out, we all want you to succeed, don’t give up  
12 Feb 19 by member: rosio19
There are days I just can’t seem to fill up or stay full. Those days I try to stick to regular sized meals then add in another meal at day bedtime. Right now with my meds I have to have 4 meals a day! 2 have to be heavy snacks at least if not a meal. I also find that if I stay at 1200 for more than a few consecutive days I’ll get this way. Are you eating enough calories to maintain body functions? 1200 is the recommended but if you are supervised by a doctor or dietician I’m told they’ll let you go 800-1000 if you follow their meal plan with vitamins. Just a thought. Usually a carb heavy meal will help get rid of the hunger but I think you are low carb? If so perhaps a protein heavy meal would help. I’m quite full after two hamburger patties but for me it doesn’t stick around long. 
12 Feb 19 by member: peeperjj
Ugh I hate those days. You're not alone!  
13 Feb 19 by member: crm11
Hang in there! Good days and not so good days. You're getting there.  
13 Feb 19 by member: jamorgan
Sounds like you did what you could; don’t worry about it. If you think of something you didn’t try, remember that next time. Bad days happen, we just try to keep them few and far between. I keep thinking a sensor or switch gets stuck or blocked. I keep pickles and peppermints around to flip the switch when I should be full but am still hungry. One or two is all it takes typically. But not typical way of eating on FS. 
14 Feb 19 by member: TomLong

     
 

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