HerStrawberri's Journal, 24 October 2011

I had the BEST NSV this past weekend. We were at the mall getting new glasses and I decided to go to into Lane Bryant and try on some jeans. Now, I haven't tried on jeans for prob about 2 years. All of the jeans I had prev to my weight loss didn't fit and they were 24s. So I'm guessing i was prob a 26. WELL, I saw these really cute jeans and wanted to try them on. My GF asks me what size and I say a 22, because the 24s I had on were basically falling off of me. She said those would be to big and I should go down to a 20....I said a 22. well she grabbed what i THOUGHT was a 22 and i went and tried them on. WELL, I put them on and they fit. I was looking at myself in the mirror, YES I WAS ACTUALLY LOOKING INTO THOSE HORRID MIRRORS, and i was all.....wow...i can wear a 22. WELL, I asked my GF to come in and look at them and she starts smiling and says, Do you know what size those are? and I say, a 22. AND she said NO and showed me the tag. THEY WERE A FREAKING 20!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMFG!!! I was so happy I honestly had tears in my eyes. I haven't been able to get into 20s for prob at least 2 or 3 years. THAT was a moment i will NEVER forget. EVER.

i was on cloud nine the rest of the day. It felt so good. I'm so critical of myself sometimes so it's hard for me to SEE the weightloss. When we were at the eye Drs, i was looking at myself in the full length mirrors, and was thinking I still had a long way to go because i still looked so FAT. I know I shouldn't sat things like that to myself, but I do. I'm way better then I was though.

I'm now at 290. I honestly can't believe I have lost 85 lbs. It really is shocking to me some days. I'm also really feeling like I'm finally getting a grasp on my depression and anxiety. I still have my bad days, but they honestly are far and few between. I don't 'hide' in my room as much and I WANT to go OUTSIDE. I want to go into gas stations or run in for errands, where 6 months ago...if I got out of the truck for anything it was a freaking miracle. I really believe in myself now. I really BELIEVE that I'm WORTH this.

To look at where I was 6 months ago and where I am now. I'm like a totally different person. The weight loss was just a small part of it. I had to confront so many scary things that i just wanted to ignore. i had to confront my anxiety head on. I had to confront ME. The only person that holds you back from being the wonderful peron you are destined to be IS YOU. I have the power to make myself happy or to contimue to make myself sad. and I freaking choose HAPPY.

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Comments 
Dawn that is sooooooooooo awesome!!!!!!! I'm glad your GF played that little trick on you because I bet you felt ten times more awesome because of it! So excited for you girl =)  
24 Oct 11 by member: tntmom87
FANTASTIC !!! Enjoy and remember that moment often. 
24 Oct 11 by member: caterpillar52
I remember when I tired on my first 20 and was freaking out. I'm so proud and keep up the amazing work!! 
24 Oct 11 by member: diddoh
Yay! The jeans I am wearing now are a 22...I am waiting for them to fall off of me before I try on new jeans. I think it is ok for you to realize that you still have a long way to go and see yourself as fat still, I do the same thing, but I think that if you suddenly start thinking you are thin and look amazing that you might stop trying so hard to lose more weight. At the same time we need to pat ourselves on the back and realize our progress is amazing. 85 pounds is a LOT! I can't believe I lost 40, I can't wait for the day I can say I lost 85 pounds too. I love when you have positive journals like this one :) 
24 Oct 11 by member: serafano
Sera~ LOL...i totally get the falling off thing. That's how I am right now. When i tried on those jeans, i was so scared they would be too tight and that would set me back. I think that's why I'm so anti-new clothes right now. Which is just silly. I mean, obviously I need smaller clothes. But, with sizes being all crazy....it can really mess with your head. me being able to wear my clothes that I haven't been able to wear in a few years is great because I already know I used to be able to ear them....if that makes any sense. LOL. I've also decided to really start toning up. My Gf wants to exercise with me too. I walk and stuff now, and do other little things....but I really think I need to kick it in high gear. What you said about getting to comfortable with thinking your thin and stuff and stop trying is something else I'm worried about. I think that may be why I'm still so critical with myself. I don't want to stop until I'm at my goal weight, regardless of how I look. I WILL weigh UNDER 200!! Thank you so much for your comment hun!! 
24 Oct 11 by member: HerStrawberri
Thank you so much everyone! It really means so much to me that you guys take the time to read my stuff. =) It's good to see you back caterpillar! 
24 Oct 11 by member: HerStrawberri
So proud of you! Honestly, I wanted to cry happy tears when I read your journal entry! What a terrific feeling that must have been! 
24 Oct 11 by member: Ayngel
awww thank you so much Ayngel! It really was great. =) My next big goal will to be OUT of the 20s totally. Thank you so much for the wonderful comment! 
24 Oct 11 by member: HerStrawberri
Congrats! Awesome sauce! 
24 Oct 11 by member: BekkaL85
WOO HOO! happy for you :) 
24 Oct 11 by member: sophie99
Thank you SO much ladies!!!! 
24 Oct 11 by member: HerStrawberri
I'm still thinking you're going to end up being a motivational speaker for weightloss and write a great book.keep these journals,print them out.you're already writing the book in your journals anyway.I bet you get printed and then become the motivation for thousands of people your age.you speak the language and touch peoples souls,you are the person who motivates others to keep trying and who feels that others feel and comes out and says it too! I see lunch with Oprah in your future or at least David Letterman. YOU CAN DO THIS Set your sites as high as you can and reach up and touch the moon girl!! 
25 Oct 11 by member: 83JEN
So proud of you, Dawn. You're rocking it! 
25 Oct 11 by member: Helewis
Jen~ Every time you say that to me it makes me smile. My goal is to help at least ONE person. That is why I keep my stuff public. Sometimes all it takes is to read something from someone who is going through something simular for it to 'click' or at least feel like you aren't alone. I never want anyone to feel like i did six months ago, and I know so many people do. It hurts my heart. Anyway, thank you so much for your wonderful words of encouragement. I have been playing with the idea of starting an FB page. who knows. =) THANK YOU HELEWIS!!!!!!  
25 Oct 11 by member: HerStrawberri
i am so proud of u.u deserve the best. 
25 Oct 11 by member: rockytu
Wow Dawn... that's awesome!! I don't know how I missed this, but WOOHOO! I totally agree that the weight is just one of the things that we all let get in our way of living the life we want... I'm so proud of you!!! You're a totally different girl, and a happier one too! 
25 Oct 11 by member: BrandyRelaxing
That is fricking FANTASTIC. What a wonderful thing to have happen. I'm so happy for you! ALSO, your new profile pic is SuperCute. =) xx 
25 Oct 11 by member: ferlengheti
Damn, girl! This is JUST what I needed on a day (week...month...) like this! This is awesome! You have no idea how just YOUR positive outlook, your happiness, your sense of accomplishment and pride (yes...dare I say PRIDE??) are helping OTHERS. Seriously. I'm so happy for you and I just LOVE the place you are right now! Don't you wish you could bottle it?? And a super congrats on not only the weight loss, which IS awesome, but on wearing a size 20! I hope you didn't get too many things in that size, cause Dawn... you are zipping through the pounds. You ARE amazing. Thanks for the "feel good" moments here. MUCH appreciated! 
25 Oct 11 by member: redwinelover
Thank you Brandy! I hope you are feeling better! Sophie~ UMMmmmm when are YOU coming over to MFP??? =) Thank you so much for your wonderful words of encouragement. DORY~ Thank you so much! I have to say, that was one of the best feelings I have ever had. Thank you ALL SO MUCH!!!!! 
26 Oct 11 by member: HerStrawberri
Just another great and inspiring post from HerMagestyQueenStrawberri!!!!...thank you so much and CONGRATULATIONS! 
26 Oct 11 by member: Wicked Step Monster

     
 

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