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Good Friday buddies!!!
Weighed this morning. 207.2. Not recording it here ... because as you know I am only recording losses.
The evening last night went well. We've been watching episodes of Glades ... it is entertaining enough. Hubby is still struggling but at least yesterday we were able to talk about it a bit. As I have mentioned in the past, he is not naturally a half glass full sort of man. He is continuing to read and write his goals daily. He so desperately wants to earn more money. He will figure things out. I simply need to stay out of his way. Meaning, not try to fix it for him. He is very smart, very capable, and will find his way.
The book I am reading suggested a challenge, to spend 24 hours ONLY thinking about positive things as a way to judge where my strengths and challenges are in my journey. Perfect for today considering the scale did not reflect what I thought it "should" this morning.
I am kind to myself.
I take care of myself.
I sleep well.
I crave healthy foods.
I am satisfied with healthy foods.
My body efficiently burns calories and the pounds fall off naturally.
I am a non-smoker.
I earn $100,000.00 a year.
People pay for my expertise.
I am an expert in my field.
I like myself!
I like my body!
I am long and lean.
I am strong and tall.
I manage a foundation (Random Acts of Kindness).
I am finacially stable.
I handle conflict calmly.
I am an excellent communicator.
I write well.
I own a vacation home abroad.
I have adequate funds to pay for a vacation in February 2012.
I weigh 180 lbs.
I trust my instincts.
My skinny jeans zip up easily.
All of the clothes in my closet fit.
I am organized and efficient.
I plan well and carry through with my plans.
I am accomplished.
I am worth the effort.
I believe in myself.
I manage bumps in the road smoothly.
Our wood shed is full.
Not too much on my plate today. I have a conference call in less than an hour and one appointment scheduled. Not sure the appointment will happen. The family I am scheduled to visit called earlier this week in "crisis." The mom actually hung up on me!! This isn't unusual. It has happened before and it will likely happen again. It wasn't about me. I tried to call her twice yesterday, no answer. I'll try again today. Fortunately they are close-by to the office so at least I won't be driving a long distance in case they are not home.
Plans for the weekend include cutting some wood. The weather has cooled significantly here ... beautiful clouds with the sun peaking through this morning. I actually have long pants on ... the first time in many weeks. I LOVE fall. I imagine we might eat a meal out this weekend. I will do the grocery shopping before we head home today. Already checked the bank account and our pay checks have been deposited. YAY for payday!! I will work some on my business this weekend too ... read some more in Maximum Achievement. Clean the house. Maybe we'll go play bingo. We'll see what the weekend brings.
What I want, wants me. I continue to focus on what I want, rather than what I do not want. I must tell you I feel better. Has anything major changed in my day to day life? Nope. Not a single concrete thing that I can touch. However, I have changed. I feel better. I smile more. I feel calmer. I feel hopeful. I like me!!! It is a shift. I don't know where this journey will take me and it really doesn't matter. I am okay, whatever comes my way. I am grateful too!!!
For the simple joys in my life.
For seeing the beauty in my life.
For being able to consciously decide that I am NOT responsible for "fixing" my husband.
For payday of course!!
For this moment, being mindful, letting my heart be filled with peace.
For the company I have as I travel along this path.
So ... continued practice in being kind to myself. Have a wonderful Friday. Be good to yourselves. If not ourselves than who??? Focus on your internal locus of control rather than the external. There are always bumps in life. Unexpected challenges, difficult relationships, losses, and the like. We really do have more power than we give ourselves credit for I think. We can drift through life on auto-pilot, beating up on ourselves, feeling "out of control" and swept about by whatever comes our way. OR. We can be mindful, begin to grasp what we DO have control over, refuse to be swept about by worries and events that are external to us. Indeed, life is PROCESS ... I will never be "done" ... as a matter of fact I don't think I really want to be "done!" When I'm gone from this earth I will be "done" with this life. Until then ... I choose life. I choose me. I choose to live well.
Okay buddies ... that is probably more than enough for today!! As always I thank you. I thank you for sharing bits of yourselves here. I thank you for being my friends. I thank you for being here!!! Have a fabulous Friday!!
Diet Calendar Entries for 16 September 2011:
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1946 kcal
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Fat: 60.19g | Prot: 113.51g | Carb: 208.66g.
Breakfast: Pineapple, Silk Almond Milk, Weight Watchers Yogurt, Barleans Flax Oil, banana, Body Fortress Whey Protein Powder. Lunch: butter, Asian Noodles, shrimp, stir fry sauce, stir fry vegetables. Dinner: french bread, cottage cheese, beef. Snacks/Other: 40 Spice Tribe Hummus, Town House Flatbread Crisps Sea Salt and Olive Oil, Select 55, KIDz Bar chocolate chip. more...
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3087 kcal
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Activities & Exercise:
Desk Work - 8 hours, Sleeping - 8 hours, Resting - 7 hours and 25 minutes, Elliptical - 35 minutes. more...
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 Comments
Thank you for your journal...you are a great inspiration to me
16 Sep 11 by member: veggies yuk
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What a wonderful journal. What you want wants you. I hear that from Steve everyday and I am really starting to believe it is true. Your husband will find his way. I am so happy you are finding yours. I just love reading your journals. Have an awesome Friday Carol. Always thinking about you.
16 Sep 11 by member: chattycathy1955
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Today...I choose LIFE! What a powerful statement. I will live w/ intention today. I will choose to ACT. And I will choose my actions carefully, applying wisdom and common sense. I will choose to LOVE with utter abandon. What a lovely journal...thank you! Today, I choose LIFE!
16 Sep 11 by member: jsfantome
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You are on a roll Carol. Congrats on (finally) realizing that only DH can fix himself, youc an't do it for him, you can only be there to support and listen. Have a great week-end.
16 Sep 11 by member: sarahsmum
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Wow very nice of you to share this...we all need to take notes on this
one...me for sure...today I choose to love my self and be thankful for all I have in regards of a great husband that loves me no matter what..
He may tease me about a lot of things such as my funky socks I bought
yesterday..LOL...Have a wonderful day.............Bren
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Hi Carol. I love your response to the scale. You are in such a wonderful place. I am stuck in some spot frustrated because I am not seeing the things I want or have worked for coming to pass...stuck in this moment. I am curious about believeing they will work out, while they haven't just yet, does it feel like denial?? If I say...my house has already sold, or I weigh 145 pounds, these things aren't true?? How do you believe them?? It seems to make you happier- I just want to understand it : )
16 Sep 11 by member: sharonfriz
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I do not believe it is "denial" Sharon. It is a matter of practicing matching your inner life to what you would like your outer life to be. Sort of like the concept of a self-fulfilling prophecy which you might be familiar with. In studies, for example with students, when adminstrators have identified particular teachers as "leaders" in their field and told them they have the "brightest" students (even though they are actually just "average" students") the outcome of the studies showed an increase in test scores and achievment for those students. If you think about it ... acting "as if" you are 145 lbs means you are engaged in practices, in living that maintains your weight at 145 lbs. So at 160 lbs ... if you begin to act "as if" you are 145 lbs. you will eat what your body requires and eventually the scale will indeed reflect that weight. I struggle a bit too ... with feeling like it is "mumbo jumbo" or "magical thinking" but in reality there is quite a bit of research to back up this way of being. It does make me happier. I am more relaxed, more focused, less obsessed, less critical ... it really makes a difference. The choice is what do you want to fill your mind with? Positive expectations or negative expectations? Do you believe your house will eventually sell? What do you have to lose by visualizing it as sold? What do you have to lose by visualizing yourself at 145 lbs.?
16 Sep 11 by member: madaboutmoose
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Carol, what a wonderful journal...I am also feeling better...nothing concrete, as you say, but perhaps we are coming back around to our true selves. It is interesting that you manage a foundation called Random Acts of Kindness. Some friends of ours from church just opened a Christian book store, and on the counter are cards for people to pick up and carry with them, called ARK cards...Acts of Random Kindness. The idea is that you do a random act of kindness, any act, buying coffee for the next person in line at the fast food joint, helping the lady in the store load her groceries, things like that. Afterward you hand them an ARK card and ask them to pass it along as they do their Act of Random Kindness. It is such a powerful thing, when we do a small kindness for others...it definately enriches our life beyond measure! Hope you have an awesome weekend, my beautiful 50 something friend!
16 Sep 11 by member: ctlss
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Stef ... I don't yet actually have the foundation ... but it is on my list of goals and I am practicing acting "as if" and stating my goals in the present tense!! I love the concept of random acts of kindness, however it is practiced!!
16 Sep 11 by member: madaboutmoose
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