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27 April 2015

Well dang!! Even though I ate on plan yesterday the scale today showed an up fluct. Hate those. But I'm still down for the week so I guess I best not complain too loudly. You know how it is ... always in a hurry to see the scale go down. It can be discouraging when despite your best efforts the opposite happens.

Busy day ahead of me. In fact a busy week. Three full days of home visits then a trip out of town to present at an Infant Mental Health Association Stakeholder's meeting for Idaho. The good news is that means I get to eat at my favorite mediterranean restaurant Thursday evening!! I'm a little nervous about the presentation. It is mostly me doing the talking and even though I am well accustomed to presenting I still get nervous. Our little association has a lot riding on this meeting. We are an all volunteer organization and really need some stakeholders to support us.

Then Sunday we pick up my mom from the airport. She's been gone since December. It's been the longest she has ever been gone and I miss her. So much has happened. So many struggles. It will be good to have her home. Maybe it will lift my spirits some.

Well my breakfast is now consumed so I suppose I better see what I can pack for lunch today. I didn't cook up anything over the weekend and there is no microwave in my future today so we shall see what I can come up with.

I hope the sun in shining in your neck of the woods or city, which ever applies. It is supposed to be sunny here today. Take care!!

25 April 2015

Weigh-in: 258.4 lb lost so far: 0.8 lb still to go: 73.4 lb Diet followed reasonably well
   (8 comments) losing 10.7 lb a week

22 April 2015

Day 3 begins ...

Oh how I love the early mornings when I am by myself. The only thing that could be better would be if my beloved Doberman Blue was still here with me. Gosh it's almost like he is because I cannot stop thinking about that dog!! Oh how I miss him.

I have been doing well with eating. Although my body still aches in so many places and obviously there isn't a big shift in anything yet I do feel a little better. I know this. I know I feel better when I eat well. Why then oh why do I dive into the depths of eating poorly??? It's a life long mystery I fear!! I bought myself some Sweet & Spicy Good Earth Tea yesterday, the decaffeinated variety, to try to replace my evening snacking with a tasty hot cup of tea. I forgot how delicious that tea is. I actually made it through one evening without a snack after dinner. Hooray for small victories.

And so ... life goes on ...

I forget as well how much the support I receive on this site means to me. I tend to isolate myself. It's not really completely intentional ... as a therapist I'm accustomed to focusing on other people's issues and not my own ... and though I'm with people most of the day it isn't appropriate to talk about "my stuff." Then I guess my upbringing kicks in there too ... I'm a "helper" just like my momma. I tend to put myself last ... and am lousy at asking for help or being vulnerable. Cognitively of course I know I am not alone. I'm smart enough to realize that. But emotionally there are times I truly feel like no one "gets me" and no one ever will. This site helps to break that delusional thinking I engage in. I've been here for MANY years now, on and off, and though there are times I feel I have failed and don't really want to talk then I have a moment when I risk posting and TADA!!!! I have not failed. I realize I am simply VERY HUMAN!!!

Time marches on ... the end of April is just around the corner, the days are stretching longer, and I'm approaching my 6th decade!!! Thanks to those who posted yesterday ... you kindness is appreciated. Which reminds me ... practice self kindness ... that's what I'm working on ... be kind to myself, take care of myself, be mindful, focus on the NOW moments rather than the past or future ... it IS what is real.

Take care!
Weigh-in: 263.0 lb lost so far: 0 lb still to go: 78.0 lb Diet followed reasonably well
   (6 comments) losing 22.4 lb a week

21 April 2015

Day 2 being mindful again. It's been a rough few months. We had a generator crisis,magazines. DH didn't handle it very well which meant a lot of stress for me. I know he doesn't realize how emotionally abusive he is in those moments but he is. Almost said I'm done. Then we had to put our dog down. We knew it was coming. He had cancer and a perineal hernia. He was in pain. It was time. That was March 21st. The first day of Spring. Blue was the sweetest doberman I've ever had. I still cry. I miss him so damn much. We can't afford another dog right now. It's hard.

Then we learned the corner of our house is likely on State land! That's not good. I don't even know how to resolve that issue. We had wanted to sell. Ugh.

Obviously I've eaten my stress since I have gained weight. So I ache. I'm uncomfortable. I feel,like crap.

My DH sold his old vehicle and we had to buy another. That cost more than we had hoped. Financially we are stressed.

However today we have been married 25 years. A quarter of a century! There are many days I wonder if I should stay married. I don't like thinking that way.

So, on I go. Baby steps. I hate to post this because it isn't very uplifting. But, it is what's been happening with me. We still don't have the generator crisis resolved. Hope things are smoother in your world.

21 April 2015

Weigh-in: 266.2 lb lost so far: 0 lb still to go: 81.2 lb Diet followed reasonably well
   add comment losing 21.0 lb a week

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