redgirl1974's Journal, 04 December 2015

OK WARNING : IM ABOUT TO BEAR MY SOUL HERE !! For the 1st time in forever I bought clothes and they weren't in the plus size section (5 yrs to be exact). I have my xmas party tomorrow and had settled on some new jeans and boots but all my friends got new dresses and then one friend was like " oh with your new figure' yada yada.. so I gave in and went dress shopping and nothing in plus was my size so I went to "women's " section, then juniors and settled on a black dress, size xl in womens so its like a 12-14.. and i bought hose.. which I haven't done in 10 yrs bc i was too fat and always ripped them.. it feels like my wedding day, lol. I'm so excited. I haven't felt this good about shopping in a long time. And its not a real expensive dress.. 24.99 at target..but its the way it makes me feel when I put it on. I'm not embarrassed anymore or insecure so much about how I look when I go out. I avoided all social functions for years bc I couldn't stand myself. I will admit, Im am a bit vain and have always gave myself a lot of attention, being the only girl in a house full of boys (DH, my 2 sons and his 2 teenage sons) and I am really girly. But about 5 yrs ago, when I really packed on the weight, I kinda just gave up and people around me noticed..so I quit going out.2015 as I slowly started to lose the weight, I started to color my hair again, do my nails, buy new purses and all that. And I feel like buying the dress has brought me full circle to returning to the person that I want to be, not someone who is ashamed of how they look so bad they cant stand to leave the house.I even started working at home bc i was too ashamed of myself and depressed and spent the 1st year working in pj's, on my bed with a laptop. I was a fat slob and I see that now. And dont say no you weren't.. eating a tub of ice cream for breakfast makes me a fat slob in my book, lol.*for the record I would never call anyone else a fat slob *.
Any, rant over.... I just wanted to get this out there some how and didn't know how to put this feeling I have today into words. I almost want to cry thinking about how hard its been the last 5 yrs and even more so the immense struggle to lose the weight this year.. Ok enough babbling.. cheers every one..