HerStrawberri's Journal, 21 July 2011

I'm less then a lb to my weigh in weight from last week. YAY. I HATE having to lose weight I have already lost once before. BUT....it's ok. I have learned from my mistake. I HAVE to make sure I eat every 2 hours. LOL. Yes this is a mistake I keep re-learning....LOL....but hopefully THIS time it will stick. It's so much easier to follow my plan when I'm alone. The weekends are always the hardest because my P is here and we fall back into old patterns. Eating once a day is something we do ALL the time. I'm really going to try to break that habit. It's bad for her too. She is skinny and needs to eat more to GAIN weight. I'm constantly trying to fatten her up. She works 12 hr days outside and weight just falls off of her. LOL. Wish I had THAT problem. =) It's so hard eating in extreme heat though. I hope this hot crap we have here leaves soon. WI is NOT supposed to have a heat index over 100. Especially NOT for 5 days in a row. YUCK

I'm a little scared about starting school. I have so many 'what ifs' in my head. I HATE that i doubt myself so much. I haven't even started yest and I already have myself failing. I guess I just don't want to dissappoint anyone. So many people are so 'proud' of me. At my registration on monday they said that over 200 people try to get into the clinical part of the nursing program and they only take 80 each petitioning. Granted they do that twice a year, but it's 200 people EACH time. I'm so worried they won't pick me, and then what? I keep taking classes until they do? I KNOW I can get a good job doing what I have been doing and maybe that is better? I guess I will see. So many doubts. It's hard doing something new. I'm also worried I won't fit into the desks. Hopefully they aren't those retarded desk chair things. I plan on going early the first week and scope out a good seat. I guess I'm just looking for reasons to quit. Which is so freaking stupid as I haven't even STARTED yet. It's always easier to quit something then go through with it and fail. I need to just believe in myself and DO IT. I haven't failed yet. Why do i want to fail before I have even started? Blah. I will work this out. And if i don't...well.....it's a done deal. I'm registered and I have to go. Maybe after the first day it won't seem so scary and I will get over it. LOL. HOPEFULLY. When I was in line waiting to get into a academic counsler this little 20-something says to me......'It's so great your coming back to school, how long has it been? 15-20 years?'. UMMMmmmm yes, is HAS been that long but PLEASE DON'T REMIND ME. LOL.

Diet Calendar Entries for 21 July 2011:
1295 kcal Fat: 72.00g | Prot: 127.00g | Carb: 34.50g.   Breakfast: Medium Eggs, IMPRL DELIGHT QTRS. Lunch: Mayonnaise, butter roaster turkey breast. Dinner: Mayonnaise, Heinz Ketchup, 93% lean ground beef. Snacks/Other: day break apple crisp bar, Light Ranch Dressing, iceburg garden lettuce, sugar free jello parfait. more...
3554 kcal Activities & Exercise: Resting - 16 hours, Sleeping - 8 hours. more...


"I HATE having to lose weight I have already lost once before." That pretty much sums up all of 2010 for me, lol! You and your P def could benefit from breaking the old habits on the weekend. Your blood sugar fluctuates wildly eating like that and that isn't good. BTW, I'm sure she wouldn't mind feeling better and toning up too so maybe think about having her join your efforts to eat better? :) As far as the negative self talk, I just read a chapter in a book (my trainer's e book) that covers this topic. It actually sends signals to the brain to sabotage ourselves. Most people think affirmations are corny, but they do work if you give them time... kind of like a new habit. I try to change negative self talk with positive now. Like "I just know that they won't pick me" to "I will be excited when I hear that I was selected because I worked so hard and am proud of my efforts". There ae a lot of books/reading out there on the subject, fascinating stuff. Have a great day Chica, stay hydrated!!! :)  
21 Jul 11 by member: nolechick
Thank you Sue! I totally agree with your positive affirmations thing. Even though sometimes it's hard for me to DO them. I'm really trying though. I have even begun to write myself little notes. This is a really bad habit I have. I'm trying to break it though. =) I just got talking to my P about how we need to eat better on the weekends. So this weekend we are really going to try. It might take a few weekend to get in the swing of things, but making a conscious effort is a start. Thank you so much for the post! I hope you're having a wonderful day! 
21 Jul 11 by member: HerStrawberri
You are going to do GREAT at school. You actually have an advantage over those little 20-somethings - they still think life is just going to be easy, everything handed to them on a platter. You know by now that you have to work HARD for everything good in life, so you will be ready for those assignments!  
21 Jul 11 by member: HeatherKM
I feel that I am not much help on these sites. Now I feel better and I can even feel better about what happened to me yesterday. If you find there is a problem with the chairs/desk - just picture me in your head sitting on that roller coaster trying to decide what to do :) With all the encouragement you gave me this morning, I was surprised at first to read your journal. And then I realized - we really do know how it feels to be where we are at. We just don't sympathize - we identify. You said: “You are worth this hun. Whenever you doubt that, come back and read this journal.” If you doubt where/what you are doing – go back and read your replies to me – but hear them being said - to you. Thanks again for everything.  
21 Jul 11 by member: caterpillar52
Thanks guys! I'm just scared. I will work through it. =) I'm actually very excited to be starting. I can't wait to go school supply shopping! =)  
21 Jul 11 by member: HerStrawberri
LOL I was out 10 years before I went back and I think I am leaving school once again - at least for now because working full time and then going to school nights full time ( Iwould have to go full time to get the student loan help that I need) sounds like it might kill me.. slowly lol I am sure you will do just fine but I do get your worries, I had all the same ones when I first went back. 
21 Jul 11 by member: pixidaisy
I know you are going to get over this and do just fine, school awaits you! As far as P being the skinny one, just remember, you are here to get healthy, not just thinner. Although she is skinny you want to help her be healthy and she can help you get skinny...make sense? It really is all about life style changes. Agree with Nolechick that the eating once a day is definatley not the way to go!  
21 Jul 11 by member: HealthyBabs


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