madaboutmoose's Journal, 06 July 2009

Monday morning and back to routine, which is a very good thing for me! Woke up to rain this morning which was very welcome as it was quite warm this weekend here. I am diligently continuing to work on acceptance of the process of losing weight and maintenance. It is not an easy task. I guess I haven't really made as much peace with myself as I thought I had or I wouldn't be struggling so much with the wedding gain I came home with. So I am trying to focus on positives, like I've maintained under 190 lbs for more than a month!! That is positive and something I have not done in many, many years. I am working on truly realizing the stress of travel, not just the food but the fact that I didn't sleep well, had a major change in altitude, didn't drink as much water as I normally did, surely consumed more sodium than I usually do, and it was an emotional experience, filled with lots of different feelings. Our bodies are impacted by many things, not just calories. I am also aware of my tendency to compare myself, unreasonably so. I found myself googling famous people who are around my height and seeing that many of them weigh 120 to 130 lbs ... and then feeling oh so very FAT. Why would I do that? I have no intention of trying to weigh what a supermodel weighs or what a famous actress or singer weighs. Why do I do that to myself? Is it my way of perpetuating that old tape of "you are not good enough"? My goal of 175 is just fine for now. I have lost 91 lbs from my highest recorded weight of 277. I have lost 53 lbs since January 2009. Hey Carol, how about acknowledging that?!!! It is positive that I am aware of how crazy my thinking gets. And, I do know that this too shall pass and I will find balance again. A good night's sleep would be very helpful. I have not slept well since I left for our trip. Maybe tonight!! So ... I am so happy to be here ... so happy to be alive and well ... and grateful for all the support I get from you all here and my family!!! Here's to our journeys!!! They certainly are never dull!! LOL!!!

Diet Calendar Entries for 06 July 2009:
1384 kcal Fat: 29.10g | Prot: 85.80g | Carb: 210.80g.   Breakfast: medifast cocoa, water. Lunch: Healthy Choice Chicken & Rice Soup. Dinner: Perrier, Healthy Choice Portabella Marsala Pasta. Snacks/Other: Luna Caramel Chocolate Brownie, Oikos Greek Yogurt Vanilla, Marathon Nutrition Bar - Dark Chocolate Crunch, Kashi GoLEAN Cinnamon Coffee Cake, Fiber One. more...
3045 kcal Activities & Exercise: Precor Elliptical - 44 minutes, Driving - 2 hours, Desk Work - 8 hours and 50 minutes, Resting - 4 hours and 26 minutes, Sleeping - 8 hours. more...

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Update ... I checked my stats and I have actually stayed under 190 lbs since May 29th!!! That is more than a month ... that is FANTASTIC!!! And my chart is so much more interesting now!! LOL!! (~; 
06 Jul 09 by member: madaboutmoose
Great job staying under 190 for more than a month! That's awesome! 190 seems to be my achilles heel, lol...that's where I always get derailed and go off track, then 40 lbs later I start wondering how I fell so far so fast. Hopefully your ability to stay under will inspire me to do the same when I finally reach that hurdle again. Congratulations! 
06 Jul 09 by member: onmyway
Don't sweat it girl, you're doing fine. You're back on track. Try looking at your before pictures instead of skinny models and give yourself a big pat on the back for all you've achieved so far and look forward to what you're going to achieve from now on. ((Hugs)) 
06 Jul 09 by member: flaxseed
53lbs in 6 months! AWESOME!!!! WAY TO GO GIRL!! You are under 200 by 15 pounds, 15 lbs under 200!! That is a lot! You go girl!! Focus on all the positives and remember you are human just like all of us and we have funks we get into. Its natural I think. You have to tell yourself daily how awesome you are. I know I still have problems feeling good. We strive so hard for perfection sometimes. It'll be ok 5lbs here or there wont kill us, we can get back into the swing of things and get it off. Weekends are my hardest bc I do so much so I recover from the weekend during the week. You will too. Way to go!!!!!! 
06 Jul 09 by member: yogamama3
Thank you so much my friends!!! I just got off the phone with a good friend of mine who is very near my height and I think she looks great!! So I asked her the very personal question ... "if you don't mind can I ask how much you weigh?" ... and being a good friend she shared with me that she is 170 lbs. Now, she would like to lose 10 or 15 lbs but it gave me a REAL LIFE example of a "normal" person I admire to "compare" myself to. WHEW!!! Funk BE GONE!!! With her willingness to share herself and your encouragment I am feeling so much better now. Thank you so much!!! I have to laugh, I really am CRAZY!!! Tee hee!! 
06 Jul 09 by member: madaboutmoose
So many positives in your journal today! You have accomplished tremendous things, so hold your head high and keep up the great work! If you're crazy, I think we're all a little crazy! 
06 Jul 09 by member: amryk

     
 

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