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This is my first journal entry, so wish me luck. My name is Melody and I have never been on this site before. I have been trying to lose weight for quite sometime now with no luck, so this is my next attempt. Most people look at me and tell me that I have nothing to worry about, but its not really about what most people think, is it? Its about how you think of yourself. Right now, I think of myself as a shadow of what I could be. I bartend to pay the bills while I go through school, and i've tried several times to get a new job, just for the managers to tell me that their establishment is very "visually oriented" followed by a thank you and no call back. I am also in the Army National Guard, and I tetter on the line everytime I go for a weigh in. It kills me that it affects my life this much, but i'm becoming more and more shy the more I get rejected from various aspects of my life over the fact that I'm not 5'7'' and 129 lbs like my room mate. Just facing the facts, I'm 5' 7'' and 150lb. I excersize religously but to no avail. half hour running at a 6 mile/hr pace on the treadmill followed by leg workouts or arm workouts or ab and back...and I just bulk up the muscle underneath the fat. my mom... 5'7'' and 130 and she's 60! At my age, she was a ballerina and 100 lb. My dad, 6'1'' and 170 lb at 61. this is not in my genes. This is just me. I could be better, if I could just stop breaking down and scarfing cookies. My husband is a gorgeous 6'7'' and can eat whatever he wants. last night he had a chocolate/sugar crave and went out and bought chips a hoy and icecream. I said i wouldnt have any but snuck into the kitchen and ate half the bag. There is no excuse for that. Its straining our relationship to because I beat myself up over it everyday. But today is a new day. I will be better. I have my size four shorts that I should be fitting into, but don't. I am keeping them as motivation. every week I will put them on as best as I can and take a picture. hopefully by the time I reach my 21st birthday I can celebrate my new age with a beautiful body and my size four shorts.
Diet Calendar Entry for 23 February 2009:
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1146 kcal
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Fat: 23.51g | Prot: 52.73g | Carb: 223.67g.
Breakfast: milk fat free, oatmeal, Bananas. Lunch: jelly sugar free, tortilla . Dinner: Fit & Active Sesame Chicken . Snacks/Other: light popcorn, half and half, coffee. more...
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 Comments
My husband is the same way! Dang men lol! I understand how you feel about people thinking you have nothing to lose.
23 Feb 09 by member: fancy_face
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Good Luck Melody. I found that by filling out the food journal it keeps me away from cookies :) I don't want to write it in there so I try not to eat it.
23 Feb 09 by member: phonixrise
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first of all, you are a beautiful girl! but i know exactly how you feel. I am 5'9 and supposed to weigh 145-169. When I am in the 160's everyone tells me i am not fat/overweight/chubby at all. I hold it all in my middle- mainly my stomach!!! and i hide it very well so no one can tell, but its there. And you're right, its not about what anyone else sees or thinks. Its about YOU, hun.
Oh, and my fiance does the same thing! Men... and they're higher metabolism! lol we have fights over it too. You're not alone in that situation. I say I'm fat and disgusted with my body, then he says "you're fine the way you are and i love you." but i tell him "babe, i dont want you to think i am mad at you, but this isnt about YOU. Its about ME." lol
Phonixrise is right. If you hold yourself accountable for EVERYTHING you eat, you're less likely to scarf down tons of cookies, etc. Allow yourself treats in moderation [this is something i am terrible at but i am learning!] and when you are tempted to have more, ask yourself "do I really want to write this in my food diary?!?" it has saved me from binging on junk food A LOT! wish you the best hun!
25 Feb 09 by member: girlygirlatheart
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I feel your pain. I wish I was 5'7 with my 150lbs!! I am 5'even!! Everyone jokes and tells me its all in my chest, but I know its not its everywhere. I hate that people judge you by weight and that the media doesn't help. Or that the old rating system of what you "should" weight for you height hasn't been re-adjusted since like 1910 and is not up to date with evolution and health curves and heredity. Damn them all! I hope you get to where YOU want to be, and EFF everyone else ;-)
25 Feb 09 by member: Amrossi13
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