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Weekend was kinda rough/ stressful. I didn't totally go overboard, but definitely slacked a bit with my self discipline about not eating to soothe emotions instead of hunger. DH woke up sick and in pain Saturday morning, so that day was basically spent taking care of him/ making arrangements to get him to the doctor. I definitely understand how other people- especially long term caretakers- can lose their drive for personal fitness/ weight loss goals. It can be really emotionally draining to be suddenly more responsible for someone who otherwise is capable and usually is more autonomous but now is heavily dependent/ needy. I was able to see that I COULD make the choice to be more self controlled, but I didn't WANT to put forth the added effort. I justified my laziness/ lack of ambition as ok because my main focus was taking care of everything else.
I kind of realize I am used to letting the most dominant emotional impulse reign over me. It's hard for me to deliberately be cheerful/ joyful if I feel dismayed or depressed. It's hard for me to be gracious if I feel unappreciated and maligned. It takes a lot of emotional and mental energy to go against the grain like that. I think besides the unpleasant reality of resisting an impulse, I have a tendency to give myself permission to give up and let the current move me because of a perceived apprehensiveness of futility. I think there's a lure to complacency in that if you know you didn't do your best you can rationalize failures as being something you allowed to happen. If you had been doing your best... Contrarily, it's a scary prospect to give something your all and it end up be inadequate for accomplishing the initial task.
Thankfully I don't see my fitness journey that way. Though it sort of seems like a distant dreamlike finish line that I ever draw near, but never cross (like the endless piles of laundry in my bathroom). Somehow those two things seem different to me. I am not sure how that makes sense, but that's what happened to be on my mind this evening. Take care, all!
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 Comments
Hope that your dh is better as well as your week.
I can understand. The laundry and the dishes never change and never end I hate dishes but love to cook. Fitness you see improvements and it changes. Fitness for me is a lifetime project I'm trying hard to acclimate into my normal routine, not there yet as it is an effort instead of a comfortable part of my life.
12 Mar 14 by member: wholefoodnut
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You're not alone. I'm a slave to my emotions. The only one I can somewhat deal with is stress. I can do things to take my mind off of it. When I feel compelled to eat, I must eat, but it's always healthy food, and because I only eat healthy food I don't get cravings very often. Just remember that it happens and the best thing you can do is to just try again :)
12 Mar 14 by member: ChristyLA
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Thanks everyone! As of Wednesday things are looking up. DH is feeling better, which I am glad of for many reasons- the most selfish of which probably being that it's easier to be around him now. I think you have to be VERY deliberate to not slip into Porcupine/ Cactus mode when you are sick. I am fortunate not to have that problem usually. My immune system is really strong. I think it channels Rambo or Chuck Norris. Considering the position of wife and mom doesn't really allow sick leave this is a really good thing. I guess the lesson this helps teach me is that cheerfulness, joyfulness, and graciousness can be cultivated at any time. The times they are needed most is generally when they come naturally the least. I'm improving, but still room to grow. Things could be much worse. :)
12 Mar 14 by member: MrsTofu
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12 Mar 14 by member: wholefoodnut
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