madaboutmoose's Journal, 28 December 2010

So ... here's the skinny (pun intended).

Thursday I stayed home ... had a little work to do in the afternoon but planned on cleaning the house, getting in the holiday spirit, putting up the tree ... it has been a difficult holiday season for me and I was DETERMINED to enjoy it with my family. I was dragging. Unbelievably dragging but I managed to get the downstairs of the house cleaned, made macaroni salad, clam dip, listened to Christmas CD's ... I was beginning to look forward to Christmas. Then I got this headache while I was on my conference call. Took something, seemed to help, or so I thought. About 5 I got the shivers and couldn't stop. Never even thought to take my temperature. Hey ... with hot flashes you are either hot or cold most of the time!!!

So I went to bed about 7 feeling like crap. The headache was nonstop. Nothing touched it. I moaned and groaned and tossed and turned all night. Poor Bob went into the other bedroom to sleep. He went to work Friday morning. I was still in bed, when he got home. Finally gave up and let him take me to the ER about 7 pm. Now I am a migraine girl. I am no lightweight when it comes to pain so you know I had to be hurting to agree.

Of course the first thing they do is take your vitals at the hospital. 101.7, which I didn't realize is pretty high for an adult. They examined me, took pictures of my head and finally put some nice drugs in an IV which took the edge off of my poor, pounding head.

Christmas day came and I still couldn't drag myself out of bed for more than a few minutes. So sad. My dear son put up our little tree, all I wanted to do was cry. The boys hung out, watched the 3rd season of Sons of Anarchy, ate the clam dip. Bob threw the prime rib in the freezer. I was determined we would open gifts while it was still December the 25th so I finally drug myself out of bed around 7 pm, sat myself in a chair covered up with blankets, ate some cream of chicken soup, and we exchanged gifts.

Sunday I did move around a bit but not much. The cold sores on my lips (three of the little bastards) erupted Sunday. I knew then it had to be viral. Ugh. Bless Bob's heart, he re-watched the same DVD's with me. What a Christmas.

I guess the good news is not eating much at all for three days whacked that appetite back into shape. I didn't really lose weight but Monday morning I decided ... if not now? when? And yesterday and today I am back to tracking food and exercise. I didn't exercise Monday. Bob asked me not too, give myself another day of 'rest' even though I did go to work.

Now I learn many of my friends across the country were plagued with similar symptoms. Bummer. I rarely get really sick. A cold here and there. Migraines I don't count. What a nasty virus. I hope all my friends are feeling better too.

So my mom gave me two sugar free dark chocolate See's candy bars in my gift. I am not a big fan of sugar free candy but See's are really good!! So I decided I can eat one when I hit 190 lbs again. The second one when I reach 185. I bought chocolate covered pretzels (white and dark chocolate) to put out for the holiday. Those get opened and shared when I hit 180 again. I have never used food as a "reward" in this journey. I don't highly recommend it but it was a way to plan for NOT eating those things right now. It isn't that they are "bad" foods ... I just need to get myself back to where I feel more comfortable.

Yesterday and today, other than being insanely busy at work and nursing my healing body, I have felt good. I have felt "lighter" in many ways. I don't feel as "lost" ... maybe being so sick was a gift in some strange way. I don't feel badly anymore that I weigh what I do. It is what it is and now I really know ... 200 is too much for me. I don't like how it feels. I actually feel pretty good that I stopped it at 200. I've never done that before. My old pattern was to gain 40, 50, 60 or more pounds before I woke from my coma. That old pattern no longer has power over me. I'll be back in my skinny jeans by the time the weather is breaking this Spring, no problem.

Oh, and at my husband's nagging, I made an appointment with my doc for Thursday. The ER ALWAYS tells you to follow-up with your doc. Well, I thought that was pretty silly since I am 99.9% POSITIVE I had a nasty virus. Why should I go to the doc for him to tell me what I already know? BUT ... I do want to talk to him about my menopause symptoms ... there is one symptom I need to do something about. Not HRT, I'm not a fan of that ... but I know I need to do something. So ... the virus has moved me out of procrastinating about that!!

Tomorrow is my last day of work this year!!!! I have Thursday through Sunday off and hopefully these days off will be a tad more enjoyable!!

So ... I am back. I may eventually post the weights I've kept written here at home ... I may not. It doesn't matter. What does matter is that I keep putting one foot in front of the other. That I return to actively practicing kindness towards myself. That I remember, I AM more than a number, that food and weight and numbers DO NOT determine my worth. And ... that I FEEL so much better when I take good care of myself!!!

So ... Happy New Year my friends. What a ride this life is. How blessed we all are to have such a wonderful community here ...

Hubby is bugging me to come upstairs and go to bed so I must say good night dear friends. The grateful list will be back soon. I love you all!!!

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883 kcal

Fat: 20.24g | Prot: 64.62g | Carb: 121.65g.   Breakfast: La Tortilla Factory Tortilla, water, Weight Watchers Mexican Cheese, large egg. Lunch: Weight Watchers Yogurt, banana, Flat Out Light Italian, white turkey meat, light laughing cow cheese. Dinner: Healthy Choice Country Herbed Chicken. more...

3306 kcal

Activities & Exercise: Desk Work - 9 hours, Driving - 2 hours, Precor Elliptical - 46 minutes, Resting - 4 hours and 14 minutes, Sleeping - 8 hours. more...