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Friday. YES.
Ended up going home yesterday and canceling my afternoon visits. I suddenly started sneezing and blowing my nose like a mad woman. Last Thursday it was a sore throat that caused me to miss my families, yesterday I looked like Rudolph the red nosed reindeer ... I'm falling apart!!!
I feel so-so this morning. Moving a little slower than usual but moving. I will go in to the office and see if my nose behaves. I only have one visit scheduled today but it is a baby who was born early so if I am sneezing and sniffling I will need to cancel.
Kate ... I'll have to ponder whether or not you "influenced" me not to weigh everyday. (think, think, think, think, think) (great now I feel like Winnie the Pooh) Maybe. Maybe I began by experimenting with the scale but frankly I don't think so. Not weighing has always been my denial system through the years. If I can't see it it doesn't exist? Not real bright for someone with two college degrees and a life time of experience. I KNOW beyond a shadow of a doubt that weighing regularly is very important to me. If I miss a day here or there no big deal ... but long periods of time are not wise.
So let's look at the evidence I have recorded over the past three months ...
I weighed daily up until September 11th (179.8)
Out of town September 12th
Weighed daily from September 15th to the 18th (183.8, 182.2, 182.2, 181.2)
Missed one day then regular again from September 21st through 25th (183.4, 184, 183.4, 184.4)
No weigh-in for September 26th or 27th
September 28th through September 30th (188.8, 185.8, 184.6)
Nothing for October 1st through 8th
October 9th 182.6 and then another gap
October 13th, 14th, 15th & 16th (187.4, 185.8, 186.4, 186.6)
Nothing for October 17th through November 4th (I had 2 out of town trips during this time)
November 5th 190.2
Another gap from November 6th through November 11th
November 12th, 13th, 14th, 16th, 17th (194.2, 191.2, 192.2, 195.4, 194.2)
Gap from November 18th until December 15th (one trip out of town, came back to hubby not feeling very well ... canceled another trip I had planned due to that)
December 15th, 16th, 17th ... this week (198.2, 196,8, 195.4)
Those of you who love to analyze ... analyze away!!!! Seems to me it is the most recent month that has bit me hardest. Prior to that I seemed to be holding my own. Up a bit but not majorly ... still weighing with fair regularity. And so ... if I haven't had this weight on a long, long time maybe it will melt away quickly? LOL!!! Really, folks, how quickly it melts away isn't important. What is more important is what I do, how I eat, how I move my body, what I am telling myself, how I am treating myself, so on and so forth.
While I am still not thrilled to be in the 190's I am glad to be here. I definitely succumbed to my old "tapes" with avoiding the scale and eating unbelievable amounts of junk. In the past I would have gained 30 or 40 or more pounds before I woke up and smelled the coffee.
A 5 lb range is good for me. 180ish to 185ish is doable. Beyond that is not. Beyond that my pants fit snugger. I don't like how my body feels at 190 something. I don't think most people could even see the weight ... I am so danged tall. But I can feel it. I feel it in my legs, in my middle ... in my clothing. So, other than vacation ... when I expect I might fluctuate outside my range ... anything over 185 for more than a few days needs to be a blaring siren in my head.
Well ... I need to take a break from this and finish getting ready for work. I'm sure more thoughts will be coming to me as I detoxify my body from the junk I inundated it with over the past month.
Today I am grateful for ...
1. FRIDAY!!!!
2. Kleenex and Vitamin C
3. getting packages in the mail yesterday before I came home
4. snow in the forecast
5. the sound of my husband's voice
I am not beating myself up too badly ... which I am also grateful for. I was. It caused me to feel helpless, foolish, a failure, out-of-control. My husband told me I've licked this many times and I know exactly what to do. He guffaws at a few pounds. He gave me my new mantra ... "Mexico, beach, warm, bathing suit" ... he is truly a one man cheering section. And so I just did what he said. Said, enough is enough is enough is enough. I CAN still enjoy Christmas dinner ... and if I am eating well between now and then I'll actually enjoy the celebration food MORE not less. I tend to eat until I physically do not feel well when I am on a negative roll. The result is nothing really tastes good. I am just eating to eat. Eating for reasons other than hunger or taste. I enjoy food too much to let myself stay there. I want to eat because I am hungry and/or because it tastes really good!!!
So ... I really do need to go!!! Guess I have a lot to say after not saying much for so long.
Thank you my dears. You are each precious to my heart.
Diet Calendar Entries for 17 December 2010:
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1436 kcal
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Fat: 41.98g | Prot: 87.86g | Carb: 194.08g.
Breakfast: water, Weight Watchers Mexican Cheese, La Tortilla Factory Low Carb Tortilla, large egg. Lunch: Flat Out Light Italian, white turkey meat, light laughing cow cheese. Dinner: Chicken Tamale with Green Chile Verde Sauce. Snacks/Other: Genuine Draft 64, Chocolate Caramel Crisp Nutrition Bar, Zone Perfect', Kashi Go Lean Crunchy Cinnamon Coffee Cake. more...
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3253 kcal
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Activities & Exercise:
Desk Work - 9 hours, Driving - 2 hours, Precor Elliptical - 46 minutes, Resting - 4 hours and 14 minutes, Sleeping - 8 hours. more...
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 Comments
love the progression!! doing better everyday . what more can we expect from ourselves : )
17 Dec 10 by member: sharonfriz
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AWESOME ANALYSIS...this is a surefire way to rev up thinspiration! Motivation Central (MC...Mooses Comments) are BACK! TOWANDA!!!!
17 Dec 10 by member: Lisa Online
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Keep gaining experience
The more you do, the more you will learn and understand. You’ll discover which tactics work best for you and which ones don’t. It’s like weeding out the garden - not the most enjoyable job in the world, but when you’re done, all that’s left are beautiful flowers. Keeping sticking with it and soon it will be all flowers for you. TOWANDA!!!
17 Dec 10 by member: Lisa Online
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Aw thanks Lisa ... nice analogy
17 Dec 10 by member: madaboutmoose
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Your journal today made me realize that weighing often is important. I can see the same pattern with my chart. But it's important for something else than the number dispayed on the scale. Weighing in often means we are focused, dedicated. It means we are in control of our eating, that our mind is set on achieving our goals. It also means that the shit going on in our lives is kept at bay. While we focus on our health, we master our emotions and we stay "sane". The question is WHEN do we lose it? What is the factor that makes us losing our focus? Is it the seasonal depression? Is it when our beloved ones don't feel good? Do we gain weight because we stop weighing in? I don't think so. I think it's the WHY we do and don't check our weight daily that is important. Thank you for this entry, thank you for being here. ((hugs))
17 Dec 10 by member: jessyline
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Anne ... I agree, we don't gain weight because we stop weighing we gain for other reasons. I think I have many reasons ... they really aren't all that important because the bottom line is I do not want to go back to wearing plus sizes. I DO want to feel good in my body. I DO feel better physically, emotionally, spiritually when I am eating healthy. Thank you for your comment. Well said my friend.
17 Dec 10 by member: madaboutmoose
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Looking at that, it seems to me you've just been extremely busy with a lot of out of town trips (always a challenge) and some sad/frustrating moments. I think it is great that you caught it so fast, actually. Hey, this is coming from somebody who has quit smoking for good lengths of time and started again because of stress many times. And every time, you think you're never going to do it again. And then you do anyway. I am not sure what happens in the brain, but all the sudden it just seems like there's no point in anything and why bother. And then a cigarette... Or candy... Or alcohol... It's like "why not?"
17 Dec 10 by member: k8yk
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What a great journal and great responses and feelings. It sometimes seems that we are so obsessed with this journey and that is all we think about and sometimes in our minds we may feel like it isn't fair that we have this inner struggle everyday when other people we interact with in the course of a day do not seem so obsessed yet seem to look good to us. We may wonder why we have to work so hard to be where we want to be. Really we want to be healthy and feel good about ourselves and for us we have to be vigilant to our cause. I just always have to tell myself this is what I have to do to be where I want to be and to feel good about myself. I like what Anne says about weighing and staying true and dedicated to what we want and I can totally relate to Kate about saying never and have learned to never say never. I guess we just have to keep keeping on and keep doing it over and over again until we get it right and so happy I have you to do it with. I guess we have to realize too that no matter how dedicated we are that there will be times when we will slip and that slipping is just part of the journey and of our lives. Oh and by the way I slipped big time last night lol
18 Dec 10 by member: chattycathy1955
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MOOSE....I am calling out the forces honk, honk...If you have a moment will you please visit my buddy "The Ninj"(read her profile please) and give her some of that awesome inspiration of yours? Much appreciation and am asking this in the spirit of Christmas...HONK, HONK.TOWANDA!!!!!!!!!!
18 Dec 10 by member: Lisa Online
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Hi Carol, glad you are back, and seem to be getting back on track. Hope your sneezing stops and you don't get sick. Hope you figure things out for yourself. Its good that you caught yourself now, and can get back on track.
19 Dec 10 by member: sarahsmum
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19 Dec 10 by member: Lisa Online
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Thank you for reaching out to "The Ninj", it truly is wonderful how this network can encourage and inspire! TOWANDA!!!
19 Dec 10 by member: Lisa Online
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You are doing great - you know what is going on, what you need to do, but somehow you aren't able to do it right this second. Maybe you could hang out with me, in my 10th? month of plateau! Nothing will get better if you don't know it's broken so I'd say keep weighing in - but sometimes, our brains make us do things we see ourselves doing and can't fathom. Why, for example, did I have ice cream for dinner? It was there, that's why. Stress can be caused by many things, and sometimes even good things will cause stress - so, hang in there - we'll get through Christmas, New Year's, winter - something will kick in and renew our commitment to ourselves, I have to believe!
20 Dec 10 by member: abbadabba
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