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I suffer from depression and I eat to "feed my needs" - I think I do anyways. I'm no expert, nor have I seen anyone about any of it, but damn. I suffer quite often from some very serious and almost debilitating bouts of loneliness. Today is one of those days - so I eat. Then I feel very bad about what I ate. I know I shouldn't but I do it anyways. Now I am very sad that I a writing about it and putting some burden of it on those of you who will read this. I try so hard to just handle it because the people around me who I share it with seem to get irritated when I'm like this - or somehow it feels like they don't really give a crap. I cry a lot on these days. Brought my dogs to work today, they help with it quite a bit because they like my company no matter what's going on. I work in a front office of a school, the only person here who even remotely worked in close proximity to my location moved her office away. I cannot leave the office un-attended so I am here, all day, everyday, alone. I'm not saying people don't come and go, they do, but no one just comes in here to see me - unless they have a complaint or need me to do something for them, never just to see me. They come through here on their way to her office and say hi or something on the way. People go to her office to visit or to have lunch. I can't leave whenever I need to have a break without first calling around to find someone with the time to come and cover for me. I dont' have that freedom now that she's not right next to me. I call, they come down, I take a potty break, they leave. OK now I'm just babbling..... This isn't helping. I should just delete it, but for the first time I'm not going to. Maybe I should just go. There is so much more to tell, but it's not anyone's problem but mine. I guess I just need to suck it up and get on with it.
Diet Calendar Entries for 31 July 2013:
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2602 kcal
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Fat: 124.44g | Prot: 114.82g | Carb: 235.69g.
Breakfast: Coca-Cola Diet Coke, Jack in the Box Jumbo Breakfast Platter with Bacon. Lunch: Hannaford Corn Bread, Bean and Ham Soup (Home Recipe). Dinner: McAlister's Deli Spud Max (Half), Pizza with Meat and Vegetables. more...
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2608 kcal
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Activities & Exercise:
Sleeping - 8 hours, Resting - 10 hours, Desk Work - 6 hours. more...
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 Comments
aw, I'm so sorry,,,,,,,and no, you shouldn't delete it,,,,,,,,,it's how you feel.
have you thought about seeing someone for some medication? I took some for a couple years,,,,,and I remember it was like the sun coming out! It really helped!
think about it, anyway,,,,,,,it might really help!
31 Jul 13 by member: CommaHolly
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It is neat that you can take your dogs to work. I spend all day alone (save for my pups) and then I go to work where the eldest person I deal with is two, I know how you feel. I can't imagine being stuck though, if I need to I go to the grocery shopping or something to take the edge off. Maybe taking a medicine ball or something to work might help, I find doing something-anything helps me keep from eating out of boredom. There are a lot of little exercises you can do with a 8 pound medicine ball that would not interfere with office work. I hope this is helpful and know, you're not alone!
31 Jul 13 by member: Verblstar
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Thank you CommaHolly and Verblstar - Sometimes the emotion just takes over and it is so overwhelming. Writing about it helped this time and your support is the best thing right now, for sure. :)
31 Jul 13 by member: Sam Loves Ernie
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{{{hugs}}} I understand about depression and eating -- boy, do I ever. And I also understand about not wanting to be a burden. I have that, too. But remember -- we're all here on FatSecret of our own free will, and we're here to support each other. So write what's in your mind and heart, and be confident that anyone who can't handle reading it won't read it, and those of us who can handle it and are reading it support you 100%!
31 Jul 13 by member: Mary in LA
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You are not a burden. We are here to listen. Depression is a terrible illness. Its very nature prevents you from reaching out for help. I have fought it for years. If you can't deal with it on your own consider getting help. There is no shame in that. We have all needed help at one time or another. Take care.
31 Jul 13 by member: teskandar
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Depression is the worst. Like living under a dark cloud. And the cycle of eating for comfort then feeling bad for eating, then eating...
I second going to see someone, no shame in asking for help, just the opposite, its a good thing. If medication can help then you can get some relief.
In the mean time how about taking along some food/snacks that would not make you feel bad for snacking. Maybe a small cooler with Frozen Grapes/BlueBerries (my personal favorite at the moment), boiled egf, string cheese, small preportioned bags of pretzels or whole wheat crackers, pickles.
Bottled water (flavor drops if needed)
That way you would have filling healthful snacks to munch on and perhaps would not feel guilty for eating.
I think, since you Must Eat to Live, you Cant make food the Enemy, but you Can Choose which food you share your day with.
:) just try it... cant hurt.
:)
01 Aug 13 by member: Kandy P
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