DameMahem's Journal, 01 May 2020

♥️♥️♥️♥️Hey, nice drop!! I’m so sorry people can be cruel. I would listen to your husband. Being new management isn’t easy. We’re these employees your coworkers prior? It might be a jealousy situation. Maybe she needs a gentle reminder of work place etiquette and a gentle reminder that you are who this employee is to report to. You have what it takes for this journey and your new position!! You are stronger than you think💜💚 

Do you have a Human Resources where you work? If so do you think they can help with the situation? 

Nice loss - let go of haters, you will win in the end ! 

Just remember you are in charge of your department. Talk with your boss about the situation and let her/him know that you would like their advice on how to handle the situation.  

Crying helps. I now know I was bullied as a child, and I know I did some bullying as a kid that I am feel bad about. But I grew up and I no longer bully people. I have good self esteem, I don’t really know why, but I am able to shed/ignore/snip/ smile/shred people’s comments and opinions. I think because I am good at ignoring or considering the source or being real snippy or finding humor in it, I don’t have much hurt from it or even get bullied. My daughter was very soft hearted and like her dad a people pleaser, I could never understand how I raised such a child lacking self respect. And, she was often hurt by people, but it finally dawned on her that she is as good as anyone else. The person who you have to please is you. I remember working with a friend as fat as me. She was upset because a co-worker talked (in front of her) about how fat people don’t tie their laces in the middle of their tennis shoes but on the side. The guy who said that in front of my friend had many many other faults and I considered him a non-entity. He was beneath my notice because he was a creep and I knew it. 

personal comments are a form of sexual abuse, and are tolerated in the work place, keep that in mind next time you see that person, and she actually be written up. good luck hand stand tall!  

I meant to say NOT TOLERATED in the work place  

sexual harassment 

Thanks everyone. I need to work on being stronger. I hadn't thought of the comment as a form of sexual harassment. I'll just try to stay on the bright side. Thanks again.  

also, you are being tested on how you are going to react to this situation. It would be good if you could take a class or something on line to help with Management skills. Remember you are in charge now, and you need to lead with kindness, understanding, fairness but be firm too.  

Honey, you wouldn’t have the job if the higher ups didn’t think you could handle it❤️ Which means you do have strength and you just need to believe in yourself 💜💚 I agree, have a good cry to get out the emotions and then positive affirmations everyday 💗 I do it. And absolutely there is always an HR department.  

That is horrible and incredibly immature! You need to go to Hr and let them know the situation, then let them know you will be speaking to that employee personally to handle the problem. Then pull the employee aside, with a witness (another person on your level who has your back) and let the employee know that you will not tolerate negativity or their blatant insubordination. Then I would follow it up by letting them know that if they do not think they are capable of changing their attitude then they should go ahead and look for another job. I have dealt with problem employees, it always helps to have a witness when you speak with them, in case the employee lies and it also gives you back up which you need when dealing with an office bully. Good luck and remember you are in charge, don’t let them have your power, which is what they are trying to siphon out of you. You sound like a really nice person, I used to be one too until I had employees push me around, now I’m nice but I squash attitude real quick! 

Oh, one more thing. Make sure what ever day you choose to have your meeting with this employee you have makeup and lipstick on, it gives your more confidence! ❤️❤️ 

I'm not sure I would go to anyone yet. Make this person accountable. give clear instructions deliverables and dates. try your best to ignore their rudeness. after you have documentation of success or failure you are in a position to evaluate. don't you have annual goals for your employees? team dynamics is important. Being a team player is a requirement. you can have peer reviews to help you evaluate troubling personnel. take personality out of your evaluation because some may be your insecurity too. Is this matrix management? that always makes things a little difficult. 

As someone who has managed a lot of people of all ages, my best advice is to treat your employees like they are your children. I don’t mean to be condescending, just that if you can always be managing from a compassionate angle you will succeed. Imagine your kid called you a “doodoohead” and you need to explain to them why it’s hurtful & disruptive in a calm and firm way, that you will not tolerate it and expect better from them. No need to feel upset - people can be unruly at all ages and if you take the high road and keep your composure while providing guidance you will be golden. And if you can find a “co-parent” / fellow manager to have your back during the discussion, that’s even better! 

Or another way to think of it: like you’re Spock!! emotions in control, explaining the problem and your expectations going forward in a logical way. Calm cool collected is the way to go 👍 I never sit down to speak with an employee while I’m upset if I can avoid it 

All great suggestions, thank you!