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SOooo...yeah. Not doing well. I have been thinking about blogging again a lot lately. I just really don't know where to start. My weight is so unstable. I keep flucuating between 245 and 255. I just can't seem to get below 245. On the upside, though, I'm really exercising a lot...which is GOOD because I'm eating like there is NO tomorrow. I'm going to try to reel it in today and really try hard to get back on track. I know what it is...my emotional eating is taking control of me ...AGAIN...and those claws are digging in deep.
I'm really having a hard time with my dad. He basically has given up on life and it's taking a huge toll on me. He won't do anything for himself, he won't leave the house, EAT, or really anything. Yesterday I had to lay down the law and tell him if he didn't start getting some activity I was going to unplug the cable box and hold it hostage until he did SOMETHING. I have offered to walk with him, I ask him every single day. He just won't do ANYTHING. He won't eat. He has lost a lot of weight that he truly didn't need to lose as he is already underweight. He thinkhs everything is a big joke. I just want him to TRY. He isn't DEAD YET. I'm just so frustrated with him. he relys on me for everything and then gets mad when I have to push him to do something. He doesn't appreciate anything i do and is so self absorded it's truly unbelieveable. He doesn't care about what I have going on, if he wants something or needs something, even if he could do it himself, I better drop everything I'm doing and do it. I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm so stressed out about him. I know this prob sounds really bad....but I'm the one dealing with this on a daily basis. I KNOW what he can do...he just won't do it. I just don't know what to do. =(
I know I;m the one in control of my eating and I need to find some other outlet for my emotions besides food. Exercise has become sort of an outlet for me, but it doesn't always work. ::sigh:: I'm just goint o keep pushing forward. That's all I can do. I can only do so much for him. He has to take control of his life and make himself happy. I'm NOT responsible for his happiness. right?!?!
I've decided to do a mud run the end of June. It will be my first one. I guess it's not a 'hard core' kind of mud run, which will be good for me as it's my first one. LOL. I've been running small one minute intervals and I'm really going to step it up this week. I have a friend doing it with me that's really out of shape, so we will be walking most of the way...but that's ok. This will be a HUGE accomplishment for me. Even though I haven't reached my goal YET, i have STILL lost over 130 lbs and I would NEVER have thought I would be able to do a mud run...let alone WANT to do one. So I'm really looking forward to it.
I've been doing Zumba every day as well as squats and other exercises. Today, I'm going to try a Body Pump class before my zumba class. If I like it, I'm going to start doing both classes. I love how many cals zumba burns. Hopefully this Body Pump class will help me with my strength.
I'm not even sure how many of you ladies still read these blogs. LOL. If you still do, thank you. I'm going to really try to make more of an effort to come here. MFP has become my site of choice, but this is where I started and sometimes it's good to go back to your 'roots'. =)
Today is day one.
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 Comments
I understand your struggle. Every weekend I turn to food and then come Monday morning I am so mad at myself. It is so stupid when I think about it, bc I think that I am getting away with it but in reality the only person it hurts is me. I wish I could wrap my brain around it and become the bigger, better person and not cave into it. I try to think about how much better I feel when I eat healthy, stay under RDI, etc. It is so dumb. Old habits are hard to break.
I am really sorry about your dad. Is he terminal is that why he has given up? Do you have anyone else helping you out with his cares? That is a lot for you to try and take on alone
28 May 13 by member: Time For a Change Mom
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Thank you for your comment. Yes, he is never going to get better and eventually his lungs will completely shut down. BUT. If he gets up and tries to help his body get stronger, his body will help take some of the stress off his lungs which in turn will help him live longer. That was straight from his pulminologists mouth. He lives with myself and my partner, but I'm his primary caregiver. My bro and sis live over two hours away so...it's just me. Even if they lived cloaser it would still be just me. =(. I'm really going to work on other ways to express my emotions. I've already gained 25lbs back...i can't keep going int his direction.
28 May 13 by member: HerStrawberri
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:( I know it's frustrating when you love someone whom you care about more than he or she is able to care about him/herself. I don't know if this is an option for you or not, but maybe seeing a therapist? (Right now I see my therapist only once a month because things are going pretty well, but I am glad that I have the support available if I need it. There have been times where it's definitely made a difference.) I am glad that exercise is helpful sometimes. Also, the fact that you've lost a whole adult person's worth of weight is phenomenal! I think if you can pay more attention to what you've done instead of what your dad is NOT doing, that may help you make a break through. However, I am under no delusion that that would be easy or happen quickly. I wish I had some concrete ideas to offer to accomplish that objective, but nothing worthwhile comes to mind. Take care!
29 May 13 by member: MrsTofu
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